Where is the love?

These aren’t easy words to say and mean with all your heart, especially when talking to God the Father, who art in heaven: “Search me, [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me, and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”(Psalm 139:23,24, Amplified).
Search my thoughts? Do You see them O Lord? I know that You do, You see them…The problem Lord, is…
I don’t see them completely. I mislead myself and believe things that aren’t true, but You SEE my thoughts.
You know that my heart, (as well as all the hearts of the children of men), is ‘deceitful and wicked’. In fact, Your word (Amplified) even tells us: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind]?(Jeremiah 17:9).
It is even too much for us to know ourselves. But You? You know it, “For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered], but, lo, O Lord, You know it altogether.” (Psalm 139:4,Amplified).
We fancy ourselves, we become ‘knowledgeable’, but – O God! You know the ‘words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart’, (Psalm 19:14). You know that often times, they are not ‘pleasing in Your sight!’
But God, Your eyes are ever – present. You KNOW… I have forever made a mess of things and have started many a ‘fire’ with the fierceness of my tongue. And ‘You know it altogether.’
You, ‘know it altogether, and yet You still say, “I lay down my life for the sheep.” (John 10:17). You knew what You were doing when you likened us as ‘sheep’ Lord. We are not too smart at times. We get ourselves in big messes wanting what belongs to the neighbor sheep, or, thinking we are the Big Sheep in the Pack, or, going off ‘alone’ because we don’t need a Shepherd anyway, we fight each other and ‘butt’ heads, we drink filthy water unless protected, we forget…love. We forget to love.
But God, when we genuinely TRY to love, that’s even messy! It still ends up being about ‘me, myself, and I’ (the trinity to stupidity). Is there any hope? WHERE IS THE LOVE?
For me, it’s like a mountain, to simply, ‘love one another! But for You O LORD, You are Love. For You, these mountains are NOTHING! As it is written in the Song of Songs, “The voice of my beloved! Behold, He comes Leaping upon the mountains. Skipping upon the hills.” (Song of Songs 2:8).
You love, God, because Your very nature is love. But for me, naturally, I DO NOT ‘skip and leap upon these mountains!’
I have no love apart from You!
You know this. And You ‘suffer long’ in waiting for me to know this.
Is there any hope? Where is the Love?
“Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us,”…God’s word encourages, “…for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.”(Romans 5:5, Amplified).

“But there is forgiveness with You, That You may be feared.” (Psalm 130:4). “If You should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?”(Ps. 130:3).

You took the stripes upon Your back for my mess, my sin, and for all the ‘fires of the tongue’ I have started. You prayed to Your Father in heaven, and accepted to be broken for me when You prayed, “Father, if it  is Your will , remove this cup from Me; Nevertheless not My will but Yours, be done.” Luke 22:42.
Even though it was my crime and not Your own. Your own blood was spilled, not mine. Pain flooded through Your body, for me. Your heart broke in love.
Where is the love?
“He was despised and rejected and forsaken by men, a Man of sorrows and pains, and acquainted with grief and sickness; and as one from Whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or have any esteem for Him.”
“Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows and pain [of punishment]. Yet we ignorantly considered Him stricken, smitten and afflicted by God [as if with leprosy]. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement needful to obtain peace and well-being for us…”
“…was upon Him.” (Isaiah 53:3-6, Amplified).
There is none like You Lord Jesus, there is none like You. In all the world, there is none like You! Heaven came down to show me, and to show you, when we are so broken and tired of all that is going on, and sick of our own ‘lack of love’ – heaven came down to show us Love.
and some of His final words here on this thorny earth that He walked, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34).
“Lord, I’m going to mess up still.”
God lovingly answers His messy ol’ sheep: “My grace is sufficient.”
With this small sheep brain, I ask:”Where do I get the love?
His simple reply: “The fruit of the Spirit is love.”(Gal. 5:22).
My response to the voice of the Lord: “Fill me with Your Spirit Lord, today, today, TODAY!”
“Dwell in Me and I will dwell in you. Live in Me and I will live in you. Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself without abiding in (vitally united to) the vine, neither can you bear fruit unless you abide in Me.” John 15:4.

“Help me in my weakness, Lord! Give me hope always…”
“While we were yet in weakness – powerless to help ourselves – at the fitting time Christ died for (in behalf of) the ungodly.” (Romans 5:6).”Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.”
(Romans 5:5).
“Forgive me Lord for my pride. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit each and every day – no, each and every MOMENT!  Help me love In You -search me O God, each and every day… and lead me in Your Ways,” In Jesus Name, AMEN