You see, Jenny…she couldn’t get out of bed- paralyzed- the term ‘quadriplegic’ doesn’t even fit the bill in my mind because every breath that was taken needed to be helped by a respirator, day after day, week after week, month after month, and year after year! And God ‘told her’ that He was going to heal her, and Jenny BELIEVED GOD! Yes, with setbacks of doubt and great sorrow at times, Jenny’s faith only grew! Jenny believed God in the beginning and Jenny BELIEVED GOD in the end- do you know why? I will tell you why -because God’s grace WAS sufficient for her: “My grace is enough for you. When you are weak, then my power is made perfect in you.” (2 Corinthians 12:8,9). And, just to get the record straight – God DID heal her! And He used her witness to bring healing in me as well, (But not past tense, continual healing as I tell her story!)
I write because I ‘witnessed’ God’s grace and God’s power made perfect in her! Jenny always encouraged the book that I am (present tense), writing called “God’s Hand”, but little did I know, God was showing me before my very eyes, by witnessing the life of Jenny, “Toni, you write the book as you breathe and walk and move ‘in Me’ each day!” Jenny is My witness. Jenny wrote the book called “God’s Hand!”
And trust me, I witnessed God’s hand, especially in Jenny’s final weeks. He was not distant, He was not far, He was right THERE literally making Jenny’s bed!
“Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin which so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us, fixing our eyes on Jesus, the pioneer and perfecter of faith.” (Hebrews 12:1).
God knew I NEEDED Jenny, and perhaps, today, you do too. Are you going through a fiery trial:
“Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you;” (1 Peter 4:12).
Well, I DID ‘think it strange’ the trial I was going through, but it was NOTHING compared with what Jenny had to face each and every waking day! Not only could I ‘literally’ get out of bed, but I could ‘walk’ into my kitchen and I could give myself a drink of water. I could blow my nose when I cried. I could move my own hair around until I was satisfied.
Jesus said, “for without Me you can do nothing.” (John 15:5). For Jenny, SHE could DO NOTHING!” This was a FIERY TRIAL! But I write about Jenny because she had eyes for Jesus! And her heart trusted in Him and His word! I could ‘DO’ many things and get myself in lots of trouble, BUT GOD gave me Jenny that I might witness someone face a ‘fiery trial’ with temps much hotter than anything I had to go through and come out PURE GOLD- and I’m not just writing ‘nice words’ about a friend who suffered – I am writing about a champion who made moment – by – long – and treacherous – moment – to trust and believe in Jesus.
I must confess, and Jesus knows this first hand, that I had a lot of PRIDE! (Correction, ‘have’). Pride is something us human beings will always have trouble with! God help us! And we, as human beings do not want to hear that we have pride! But we like to hear that ‘God’s grace is sufficient’. It is said that the word is sweet as honey, but it is also, when chewed on and ingested into the system – bitter to the stomach: (Revelation 10:9), ‘And I went to the angel and said to him, “Give me the little book.” And he said to me, “Take and eat it; and it will make your stomach bitter, but it will be as sweet as honey in your mouth.”
So, we love to hear how ‘the grace of God is sufficient’, but in 2Corinthians 12, Paul writes how he had seen a vision of Paradise, “And lest I should be exalted above measure by the abundance of the revelations, a thorn in the flesh was given to me, a messenger of Satan to buffet me, lest I be exalted above measure. Concerning this thing I pleaded with the Lord three times that it might depart from me. And He said to me,
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore most gladly I will rather boast in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.” (2 Corinthians 12:7-9).
“Yah, that’s Paul the Apostle, not me!” I would say in my heart! And chewing on the next verse is even more ‘bitterness to the stomach’: “Therefore I take pleasure in infirmities, in reproaches, in needs, in persecutions, in distresses, for Christ’s sake. For when I am weak, then I am strong.”(2 Corinthians 12:10).
What human being, in their right mind, can ‘take pleasure in infirmities!’ All I know is, I was NOT taking pleasure in mine!
So, I had acquired Rheumatoid Arthritis that same week that this ‘swim mom from the Y’ became paralyzed overnight! Right off the bat, God used Jenny. My trial was nothing compared to hers!
Then my husband made an ‘unpopular decision’ in the eyes of man, yet feeling obedience in his heart toward God and the Lord that He loves and seeks to obey each and every day,(yes, I mean that to be present tense!), (after a year of prayer) chose to resign from his job (at a time when there was ‘economic crisis’ in our country, looking the ‘fool’- but this man had already been thought the ‘fool’ because it certainly does not seem ‘responsible’ to TRUST GOD for your family planning. My husband seeks to ‘obey God’ even to his own hurt. I am married to a man of faith.)
So, being married to a ‘man of great faith’ having the ‘gift of faith’ and me – simply feeling ‘faith-less’ so much of the time after the ‘fiery trial’ and drowning in confusion and doubt and fear – I would think of Jenny – who ‘got out of bed’ in her heart and mind and LIVED a life of faith. And I would think, “If Jenny can believe God and face her day and love her family in great weakness, then I can too!”
Jenny was my ‘distant’ witness for 4 1/2 years. I would think of Jenny, and ‘chat’ occasionally with her when she ‘wheeled’ her way into the Y by blowing through this ‘straw-like’ connection to her wheelchair that would enable her to roll herself in.
Then the diagnosis of stage 2 evasive breast cancer! I would wake up and say, “The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want…”(Psalm 23) and then…I would ‘remember Jenny!’ “Beloved, do not think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened to you; (1 Peter 4:12)…
‘If Jenny can do it, then so can I’, I would think. I made the choice to ‘chew on the word’, even the bitter, not just the honey.
The bitter: “But I must not become too proud of the wonderful things that were shown me. So a painful problem was given to me.” (2 Corinthians 12:7), “This problem is a messenger from Satan. It is sent to beat me and keep me from being too proud.” (2 Corinthians 12:7).
Who wants to think on that!? Oh my! who wants a ‘thorn in the flesh?’ And what in the world do those words mean anyway?! All I know is ‘brokenness brings humility’ and the word ‘fun’ can not be found anywhere near. But through chemo and surgery and chemicals continuing…I chose to keep chewing on God’s word and always, remembering Jenny, who God would in turn use to ‘show’ me with my very eyes, even sweeter than honey: “My grace is sufficient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
This is just the beginning of the story, because there finally came that day, when I called Jenny on the phone to tell her, “Jenny, God has used you in my life to literally get me out of bed in the morning…for years!”
Part II for another time.
“Dear Lord, I write to give glory to You. Because God, You’ve got us in Your hand. Through the good, the bad and the ugly, You love and You use everything…and You, dear Lord, You DO, ‘ work all things together for good to those who love God and are called according to Your purpose.'(Romans 8:28). Thank you so much for giving me that precious and personal friendship with Jenny. Unless I write to tell about it, only You and me and Jenny will know. Please bless the organization of words- mine, simply the story, Yours, the power – that many who feel ‘paralyzed’ as I did because of circumstances and sickness, and depression and fear will be touched by Your Spirit and ‘rise up and walk’ with new life. In Jesus name, Amen.” “Then sings my soul, my Savior God the Thee, How Great Thou Art! How Great Thou Art…”
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