Author: Toni Rypkema

I'm a believer in Jesus. Because of this, I am married to a wonderful husband and the mom of a large family. For those who have battled cancer, or any other tragedy or disease, you might understand, I had a choice to get better or bitter. I chose to give thanks to Jesus for my every breath. For that reason alone, wanting to proclaim His goodness, do I write - Toni

Foundations. Still, . . . Be My Vision, O Ruler of All

The alpha, the beginning of an old 8th Century Irish Hymn is,

“Be Thou my vision.”

Foundational.

The omega, or ending of the popular, ceremonial hymn is, “Heart of my own heart,

whatever befall,

still be my vision, O Ruler of all.”

Foundational is faith in God, rich and secure.

Do we know about the foundation of the temple in Jerusalem?
God made sure that we could know the cost of the foundation.
But first, in 1 Kings 5, we learn the intent of heart of Solomon, David’s son who was anointed king after David died: I intend, therefore, to build a temple for the Name of the Lord my God, as the Lord told my father David, when he said, ‘Your son whom I will put on the throne in your place will build the temple for my Name.’
The heart of Solomon, the vision to build a temple for the Name of the Lord.
Do we remember God’s Word to each of us?
“ . . . do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?”(1 Cor. 6:19).
Oh, how easily we forget. Let us speak aloud today, not forget our intent:
“Be Thou my vision, Lord of my heart. Not be all else to me, save that Thou art. Thou my best thought by day and by night. Waking or sleeping Thy presence, my light.”
“Be Thou my wisdom. Thou my true word. I ever with Thee and Thou with me Lord. Thou my great Father, and I Thy true son, Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.”
Are we one with God? What is it we seek each day? Do we build a house for the glory of the Name of our King?
King Solomon was given great wisdom, as he had asked the Lord.
The building  of the temple was planned and carefully executed. Cedar trees and fir trees were carried down through the sea from Lebanon.

“Solomon had seventy thousand carriers and eighty thousand stonecutters in the hills,  as well as thirty-three hundred foremen who supervised the project and directed the workers. 

At the king’s command they removed from the quarry large blocks of high-grade stone to provide a foundation of dressed stone for the temple (1 Kings 5:15-17).

High grade stone, not rough stone, but costly stone was used to lay the foundation.

The foundation of the temple, out of the view of man, but in God’s full sight. Our hearts intent, the foundation of our temple. Our spiritual temple, living stones?

“For you were bought at a price…” (1 Cor. 6:20).

Where is our vision? On whom do we look for stability?

“Forgive me Lord, when I think stability rests on me. You watch me lose my focus in the whirlwind of life.

“Be Thou my battle-shield. sword for my fight.

Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight.

Thou my soul’s shelter. Thou my high-tower.

Raise Thou me heavenward, O power, of my power.”

Foundations are seen by One, and One only. God sees. His vision is clear.
Believing that God cares about all the parts of me that no one else knows, and know one else sees, that’s foundational.
When everything I can see, everything on the outside, starts falling apart, (our temples, our physical bodies, or when the walls seem to appear to be crumbling, then the foundation is all that’s left.
When this world rates us and scores us at zero, God sees our faith and rates us as heroes.
Are we resting on the foundation of Rock?
Do we have faith in the Chief Cornerstone?
Laying costly stones for the foundation of our temples, are the choices we make to believe God.
Costly stones are—faith.
Everything rests on the Cornerstone.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”(Hebrews 11:1).
Faith is costly. But encouragement in the difficulty of laying a firm foundation is this:
“For by it the elders obtained a good testimony” (Hebrews 11;2 KJV).
In time, when everything passes away, the testimony will be that a careful and costly foundation was laid.
“Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise.
Thou mine inheritance, now and always.
Thou, and Thou only, first in my heart.
High King of heaven, My treasure, Thou art.”
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).
High King of heaven , my victories won. May I reach heaven’s joy, bright heaven’s SON. Heart of my own heart . . .
whatever befall,
still be my vision,
O Ruler of all.”
(Be Thou My Vision, 8th Century Irish Hymn).
The foundation?
Faith.
Costly.
Sacrificial.
Vision on the High King of heaven. That is where my victories are won.
This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith, (1 John 5:4).
“Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, O Ruler of all.”
I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End (Revelation 22:13).
For those who need to hear the spoken hymn and a victorious psalm:

Abiding Branches

There’s a struggle, a pull, to break away, to break off.

Abide? Remain. What are reasons? Why the effort?

Fruit.

Fruit is the reason we must abide. Fruitfulness is a reason to remain. Without abiding in the Vine, there will be no fruit. Nada, nothing. No love, no peace, no gentleness. No power for obedience.

God’s Word says,

I am the vine; you are the branches. If you remain in me and I in you, you will bear much fruit; apart from me you can do nothing . . . 

 John 15:5.

So, first we must surrender to the Vine, as a branch.

Easier said than done, for most of us. But fruit is a desire. How we want in our lives the fruit of the Spirit. “Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and self-control.”

 

 

Oh, there are plenty of examples of faithlessness in the Bible. Not in God, ever, but in man, often.

I think of Jonah. A man of God. A prophet. A book of the Bible is all about him. But there is no covering. This man is written up exactly as he was.

God gave him a job. Jonah ran the other way.

But God loved him and sent a big storm. Yes. And a bit of a drowning. And a whale for a lifeguard, that later spit him up on dry ground.

Hey, this could look, from certain perspectives, (lacking faith and God’s point of view,)  as if God messed up somehow.

But read the book of Jonah with open ears and heart, and discover the beauty of trial. It kills pride and spits us up on a solid ground of humbleness.

So, “What does all this have to do with fruit?”

Well, Jonah was broken after the steamy, hot trial of being trapped in the belly of a whale. And it brought a complete surrender. Jonah was now ready to let God lead his steps.

He willingly put off his pride, due to great brokenness, and put on a garment of humbleness.

Perhaps we can say, Jonah was now ready to “abide.”

He hears our thoughts, He receives us to Himself, even though He knows full well, we are full of faithlessness.  He grafts us into the Vine which is Christ. And instructs us gently to keep close focus on Him, not enlarging the wisdom of man above His ways.

Like insects clinging to the leaf to sap strength, we must “put off” those things that invoke fear and lack of hope:

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.  Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.  For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God, Colossians 3:1-3.

“But everyone else s doing it,” we might think at times. But we are called to abide:

” . . . now you must also rid yourselves of all such things as these: anger, rage, malice, slander, and filthy language from your lips.  Do not lie to each other, since you have taken off your old self with its practices,” Colossians 3:8,9.

Only in abiding do we have power to put off all of these.

To abide is not to do as we “naturally” want.

Fruit. Fruit is the desire.

“Self-control, please.”

Second, to focus on the Vine increases  faith with hope for tomorrow and contentment for today that the Living waters of life and peace might flow through our veins:

 He cuts off every branch in me that bears no fruit, while every branch that does bear fruit he prunes so that it will be even more fruitful.  You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you.  Remain in me, as I also remain in you, John 15:2-4.

Through the Word we are cleansed. Through God’s Word we are branches trained up:

Having, “put on the new self, which is being renewed in knowledge in the image of its Creator,” Colossians 3:10.

Yes, the third ingredient to successful abiding that fruit might be ours, is “renewal” of the mind, day in, day out. Taking our own inventory first and not worrying about everybody else. (Perhaps, this proves to be the biggest test!)

Therefore, I urge you, brothers and sisters, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as a living sacrifice, holy and pleasing to God—this is your true and proper worship.  

Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will,” Romans 12:1,2.

And to help us keep our focus on things we have power to change:

 Do not think of yourself more highly than you ought, but rather think of yourself with sober judgment, in accordance with the faith God has distributed to each of you. 

 For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function,  so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others, Romans 12:3-5.

Fourth, is the encouragement of community together. To hold each other up. To be watered with the Word. To hope together, to never give up. To look at the good and grow in God’s love:

Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things, Philippians 4:8.

God is faithful. God is Steadfast. God is merciful. God is Shelter for us. We praise Him who is perfect in all that He is, and ask Him to give us sufficient grace to face the trials we feel.

So, fifth, and finally we who abide can have power to clothe ourselves, as it flows from inside:

Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.  

Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone.

Forgive as the Lord forgave you.  

And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity, Romans 12:12,13,14.

Fruit on the branch that abides in the Vine waves with the move of the Spirit, each new day that it yields:

Let the peace of Christ rule in your hearts, since as members of one body you were called to peace. And be thankful. 

 Let the message of Christ dwell among you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom through psalms, hymns, and songs from the Spirit, singing to God with gratitude in your hearts, Col.3:15.

A song of praise to remind us to continue and remain. Love and thankfulness are continually ours in His presence:

 And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him, Colossians3: 16-17.

Let us abide in the Lord and bear fruit in this day. With the Lord’s Spirit flowing through our veins!

 

 

 

 

 

We like sheep, irritated and butting heads. Quick, run to the Shepherd for anointing Oil. Remedy, at last!

Sheep! Stop!

Stop being offended by every gnat, and mosquito, and “baa” from  every other sheep in your path. Run to the Good Shepherd. He has anointing Oil to allow you to have peace, wisdom, direction, and rest.

We are as sheep just as the Chief Shepherd has proclaimed. Oh, the pests that swarm around our heads and irritate us sheep greatly. But the Good Shepherd, He is calling, “Today.” “Today.”

And the sheep that hear His voice come for His anointing oil to be poured out on our heads.

Oh, the peace.

He speaks in gentleness. He is faithful. He is love and help. He is life. His way is true.

He brings relief.

The anointing oil, His Holy Spirit, changes us. This is the Good Shepherd’s remedy.

Now we can see and focus on Him and be filled with thankfulness.

“We all, like sheep, have gone astray,
    each of us has turned to our own way;
and the Lord has laid on him
    the iniquity of us all,” Isaiah 53:6.

Oh, that we sheep who hear the Shepherd’s voice, never tire to tell others of His remedy and love. He sends us out, that we might bring others to Him.

And, perhaps they can see with their very own eyes, Goodness and Mercy that seem to follow us along. That we might multiply the sheep that seek to knock on God’s Door.

That the sheep will see Him as He is and not from their own thoughts anymore:

 He was oppressed and afflicted,
    yet he did not open his mouth;
he was led like a lamb to the slaughter,
    and as a sheep before its shearers is silent,
    so he did not open his mouth.
 By oppression and judgment he was taken away.
    Yet who of his generation protested?
For he was cut off from the land of the living;
    for the transgression of my people he was punished.
 He was assigned a grave with the wicked,
    and with the rich in his death,
though he had done no violence,
    nor was any deceit in his mouth,” Isaiah 53:7-9.

We suddenly see “Who” is the “He.” And we realize He has faced every evil thing.

The anointing Oil changes us. The focus, now shifts from other sheep, to Him.

We realize, He does love us.

His anointing brings wisdom. And we continually discover, growing knowledge, understanding, patience and self-control.

He becomes Chief Shepherd by our own, personal invitation.

He is all that we need.

We are no longer irritated by the pests and the rest, as, together we follow and are led to green pastures. He brings restoration by refreshing Living waters.

He has a plan.

He gives us understanding to know Him more and more. His anointing heals the “annoying,” and our hearts see ever clearly:

Yet it was the Lord’s will to crush him and cause him to suffer,
    and though the Lord makes his life an offering for sin,
he will see his offspring and prolong his days,
    and the will of the Lord will prosper in his hand.
After he has suffered,
    he will see the light of life and be satisfied;
by his knowledge[f] my righteous servant will justify many,
    and he will bear their iniquities.
Therefore I will give him a portion among the great,
    and he will divide the spoils with the strong,
because he poured out his life unto death,
    and was numbered with the transgressors.
For he bore the sin of many,
    and made intercession for the transgressors, Isaiah 53:10-12.

And together, we follow Him closely, listening to His voice. We don’t hardly notice the mistakes and messes and irritating stresses. We’re changed. We’re better. As we simply allow the Shepherd to fill us and anoint us again and again.

And step by step, He’ll lead us,

until He calls us home to His house of Love. And we go on forever, rejoicing. Rejoicing in glorious praise, fully unified. All because Christ died.

And rose.

And sealed and anointed us with His Spirit of Hope.

In Jesus name, Amen!

President Abraham Lincoln’s Words to America, 1863

Do we remember words of Abraham Lincoln in 1863? Perhaps, they need to be heard again today.

“We have been the recipients of the choicest bounties of heaven. We have been preserved, these many years, in peace and prosperity. We have grown in numbers, wealth and power, as no other nation has ever grown.

But we have forgotten God.

We have forgotten the gracious hand which preserved us in peace, and multiplied and enriched and strengthened us; and we have vainly imagined, in the deceitfulness of our hearts, that all these blessings were produced by some superior wisdom and virtue of our own.

Intoxicated with unbroken success, we have become too self-sufficient to feel the necessity of redeeming and preserving grace, too proud to pray to the God that made us!

It behooves us, then to humble ourselves before the offended Power, to confess our national sins, and to pray for clemency and forgiveness.”

April 30, 1863, President Abraham Lincoln’s Proclamation for a National Day of Fasting, Humiliation and Prayer.

America. God whispers His warning. Are we willing to listen today? 2018? How can we respond to old words brought to light? Over 150 years ago. Today America, “Be still and know . . .”

God.

Sometimes a poem expresses best.

God speaks every day.  America, please listen with open ears and willing heart. Stop striving. Believe again, and pray.

 

America, America

Where is your heart and mind?

Have you truly turned your back to Me?

Are you lead by greed and pride?

“O beautiful for heroes proved
In liberating strife,
Who more than self their country loved
And mercy more than life!” (1)

America, America

What do you prove today?

People divided. Hatred, fights, and lies?

America, a nation falls this way.

 

I, the King of heaven can see.

On the throne of glory, I reign.

Whether or not a man believes,

I, Almighty God, forever unchanging, remain.

 

America, America,

Of My grace, undeserved favor you sing.

But mercy and grace aren’t found in you.

Stop now. America, and heed My warning.

 

“Repent, for My Kingdom is at hand.”

John proclaimed in Bible years,

America, wake up! His message is for you!

Put off pride and indignation, and put on reverential fear.

 

America, America

Repent, Remember, Return to My Word.

With contrite spirit and broken heart,

“Be still and know, I am the Lord.” (2)

 

Isaiah 40:15,

No, for all the nations of the world are but a drop in the bucket. They are nothing more than dust on the scales. He picks up the whole earth as though it were a grain of sand. NLT

 

One heart at a time. Let us turn our faces to God. Let us ask God for His mercy and forgiveness. Perhaps again, we will acknowledge Him, and obey Him in all we do and give Him glory, praise, and honor as He graciously sees us through., “And crown Thy good with brotherhood, from sea to shining sea.”

“In Jesus name,” (and who joins me in saying,) “Amen.”

 

 

(1) America the Beautiful, Katherine Lee Bates

(2) Psalm 46:10

Pictures credited to The Rebirth of America. The Arthur S. Demoss Foundation

 

 

 

How to talk about God in flower seeds

In helping parents and friends talk about God to children as they walk along the way, today we take a Zinnia seed and explore the wonders of God. Let’s talk to the kids and bring God in ordinary things:

Do you see the seeds on the dirt in the picture?

These are Zinnia seeds. In that one flower there are more than 100 seeds. That means 100 Zinnia plants.

But, not until those seeds are put in the soil to grow. Otherwise, they will simple sit, alone.

Do you see the little baby Zinnia’s in the next picture?

Yes, they’re young and growing. All because someone, (well, in this case, it was me), took a shovel and softened the soil and took out the rocks, and then planted the seed. And then, buried it in dirt.

The seed was buried. Then the seed basically died.

Well, you see, the seed loses itself as a seed. It allows itself to become something entirely different. A living sprout.

Yes, after being watered, it starts to grow.

Life bursts forth with water, and sun, from the soil and the seed where it all began.

What a promise in each seed. A possibility of  a hundred plants from only 1 flower!

That’s what the word “glorious” means. Well, maybe not, but at least to me.

This is actually a picture of the Gospel. The Good News of God.

Yes, God speaks to us everyday through everyday things. He is the Creator of all the natural beauty around.  I suppose He’s waiting to see who’s looking for His messages from His many glorious wonders that occur throughout each day.

Well, back to the seed that died in the ground. There’s a verse in the Bible about all this in John 12:24, NLT, Jesus  speaks to those who have listening ears:

I tell you the truth, unless a kernel of wheat is planted in the soil and dies, it remains alone. But its death will produce many new kernels, a plentiful harvest of new lives.

How is the gospel message hid in this seed? Well, It died. It gave up it’s own identity.

Jesus was God, in heaven from the beginning. God sent His Son, as the Christmas baby, with angels announcing to shepherds to be the Savior of the world.

He came that He might die.

Yes, on the cross. Have you heard the story? He died on the cross. His blood was shed for forgiveness of our sin.

But He rose from the dead! Much like this sprout that came from the seed that was buried.

Yes, Jesus rose again. This is call the resurrection. And for those who believe, He forgives and makes new everything that was old. I know it’s hard to believe, but look at the seed.

There’s a whole new look, and a whole new life, and then with time and water and sun, there’s fruit in the end. This is God’s love and life all shown through nature.

Yes, and when we believe in Him, He makes us new. God’s Word expresses this truth in 2 Corinthians 5:17,

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, the new creation has come: The old has gone, the new is here!

Daily, we need to die to our own stubborn way, and instead of putting ourselves first, we need to seek God, and obey His way. for example, when a guardian asks, “Can you clean up your space.”

Do we whine, and moan and put it off for a time? Or do we simply obey? And, cheerfully?

God is watching. He knows everything!

Hey, the seed picture should help move us to action. The seed died to itself, in a way, that a plant could grow. But more than that, there’s a reward in it for us.

Can you see in the picture, the reward of putting God first and doing things His way?

Yes, fruit. Well, in this case a flower. Beautiful and bright.

Have you prayed to God, receiving Jesus, and His promise of new life? Pray today with no delay, ask Him in your life. He uses a simple seed of faith, and creates beauty and life.

And maybe, you have the Lord, but need to be planted anew. Pray to God. He hears. He waits for us to talk with Him.
“Dear Lord, help us this day make the choice to put You first.

To give You some time, and forget about ourselves.

I bow my head and ask, “Will You forgive me Lord? For the times I’ve been stubborn and not cared about what’s right.

Help me to “die” to my own selfishness, and sometimes, meanness too, and lead me to care and desire about what You say.

Thank You that You gave up Your life that I might have mine. That You, Jesus, went to the cross for my wrongs. That You were willing to pay for my debt of sin. You loved me . . . then.

And You love me now.

Thanks for speaking in a simple seed that was buried in the ground, but didn’t remain like that. No, it changed and grew to something beautiful in time.

Thank You God.

Help me choose You, today. That I might have a flower’s joy.

In Jesus’ name, Amen.

Proverbs 4:8,9, (about gaining wisdom when we hear God’s Word),

Cherish her, (wisdom), and she will exalt you;
    embrace her, and she will honor you.
She will give you a garland to grace your head
    and present you with a glorious crown.”

Aren’t the “heads” of these flowers arrayed with glorious crowns?”

Amen, and when we obey God and seek to obey, we will have His light shining from us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The Ninety and Nine, a hymn for today

Writing the words of an old hymn so we might speak aloud, or if desired, to sing. But there is so much comfort in reading words from over a hundred years back, and feeling as if they were penned today. Oh, how they shed new light on familiar themes:

There were nine-ty and nine that safe-ly lay In the shelter of the fold, But one was out on the hills a-way, Far off from the gates of gold,

A-way on the mountains wild and bare, A-way from the tender Shepherd’s care,
A-way from the tender Shepherd’s care.

Lord, Thou hast here Thy nine-ty and nine; Are they not enough for Thee? But the Shepherd made an-swer:

“This of mine has wan-dered a-way from Me, And al-though the road be rough and steep, I go to  the des-ert to find My sheep,

I go to the des-ert to find My sheep.”

But none of the ran-somed ev-er knew How deep were the wa-ters crossed; Nor how dark was the night That the Lord passed thro’

Ere He found His sheep that was lost. Out in the des-ert he heard its cry Sick and help-less, and read-y to die, 

Sick and help-less, and read-y to die.

Lord, whence are those blood drops all the way,

That mark out the moun-tain’s track?

They were shed for one who had gone a-stray Ere the Shep-herd could bring Him back. Lord whence are Thy hands so rent and torn? They’re pierced to-night by many a thorn, 

They’re pierced to-night by man-y a thorn.

But all thro’ the mount-tains, thun-der riv’n, And up from the rock-y steep, There a-rose a glad cry to the gate of heav”n;

“Rejoice! I have found my sheep!”

And the an-gels echoed a-round the throne, Rejoice for the Lord brings back His own, 

Rejoice for the Lord brings back His own.

Elizabeth C. Clephane had written a poem that found it’s way in 1874 in a penny newspaper of those days. Ira D. Sankey, a song leader for Evangelist D.L. Moody, cut it out and put it in his music notebook.

At a meeting in which Moody gave a sermon on the Good Shepherd,  he asked Sankey, “Do you have an appropriate solo in which to close?”

It is told that Ira Sankey prayed a quick prayer and turned to the poem in his notebook, and, on-the-spot, wrote its melody!

Today, so many years later, melody known or not, the words comfort, touch, and move us to hope deeper and believe greater in our dear Good Shepherd’s love. We must read it aloud and rejoice in our hearts that our Good Shepherd never tires to seek and to save the lost.

The old hymns, they remind us that He loves most. 

And His good Word reminds us that His love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13).

God’s love is deep and wide. Human-kind can’t comprehend God. Perhaps we spend our lifetimes understanding His amazing grace. And then,

one day, we shall see Him, face to face.

Broken Path? Look up. Start over.

Our path on the picture in our minds is often straight. We don’t envision the bends and the breaks along the way. Though we don’t know the beginning from the end, it is comforting to know that God does . . .

So, instead of a continual cry over “spilt milk,” after a time of grief of loss, it’s time to look up.

The Bible is opened again, with a prayer and hope for comfort and a plan.

“What does God have to say? I open up to the beginning:

Genesis 1:1, “In the beginning God . . .”

“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth.” The earth was without form, and void; and darkness was on the face of the deep,” (Gen.1:1,2).

How many of us can say, “Yep, this says it all for me.

“There’s void. There’s darkness on the face of my heart, deep.”

Is this what life feels like now? And you wonder, How? Words like ‘void’ and ‘darkness’ describe all you are inside – so deep and painful.

The clock ticks on, responsibilities for the day don’t stop, but the heart inside cries like a never ending rain.

“God, revive me again,” is the cry through this night, and God speaks:
” And the Spirit of God was hovering over the face of the waters.”

The Spirit of God was hovering. The Spirit of God is here,  hovering over my tears.
Gen.1:3, Then God said, “Let there be light”; and there was light.

God said, “Let there be light.”

Somehow, my spirit is stirred, as if for the first time.

And the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness did not comprehend it, John 1:5,

Here I thought the Bible was telling me of stories long ago, but somehow, these words are only for me, right now.

You better believe, I don’t understand God when it’s dark and cold all around. But somehow, today, I’m willing to look up and see His light.

Even though I don’t understand all that goes on each day, I know He is faithful and loves me. I’m not happy in storms and my feet are torn by rough terrain, but somehow, today,

I’m sick of the failures. I’m tired of the night. I have to believe again.

Do you join me in this fight? Together let’s reap a new harvest and allow

God’s Word to speak:

Haven’t you known? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning?” Isaiah 40:21.

We forget so easily, especially when our path has been severed and cut. We pray:   “God speak again and fill me with hope.”

Do you not know?
    Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
    the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
    and his understanding no one can fathom.
 He gives strength to the weary
    and increases the power of the weak.
 Even youths grow tired and weary,
    and young men stumble and fall;
 but those who hope in the Lord
    will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
    they will run and not grow weary,
    they will walk and not be faint. Isaiah 40:28-31, NIV.

God’s Word. Read aloud, with heart soft and willing, hovers over the void and darkness and says, in the midst of the mystery, “Let there be light.”

Let’s turn around and find day. We’ve had enough night:

Comfort, comfort my people,
    says your God.
2 Speak tenderly to Jerusalem,
    and proclaim to her
that her hard service has been completed,
    that her sin has been paid for,
that she has received from the Lord’s hand
    double for all her sins.

3 A voice of one calling:
“In the wilderness prepare
    the way for the Lord[a];
make straight in the desert
    a highway for our God.

4 Every valley shall be raised up,
    every mountain and hill made low;
the rough ground shall become level,
    the rugged places a plain.
5 And the glory of the Lord will be revealed,
    and all people will see it together.
For the mouth of the Lord has spoken,” Isaiah 40.

The mouth of the Lord has spoken, and He has given me light. And you?

Today, we will go out with joy and be led forth in peace because the Spirit of the living God has fallen afresh on us. Together we pray,

“Jesus, fill us with Your Spirit. Refresh us today.”

Together in faith, we say,  “Amen. God is with me, and He’s guiding me. He knows all that concerns me. He’s protecting my way.”

 

A Letter to my High School Graduate

A letter to you, our High School Graduate:

I am so thankful and proud that you chose to take your high school years seriously. I’m also very thankful for the great and wonderful teachers and mentors you’ve worked with along the way.

As words from the Book of Proverbs proclaims: “let the wise listen and add to their learning, and let the discerning get guidance . . .” (Proverbs 1:5).

And Proverbs 12:1 makes a contrast: “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge; but he that hates reproof is brutish.”

But son, I want to remind you what God’s Word says, “Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding.” Proverbs 4:7.

You see, words and voices are at your finger-tips. Opinions, facts, judgements, complaints, entertainment, and hate-speeches, but son, what comes in is very important.

We hear the word “Change” like a charge. Change is good. But I plead with you, Please make that “change” be to seek the Lord, more each day.

Each day, be “careful—full of care,” to read His Word and grow in who He is and what He has to say.

God knows what we need. He instructs. He is protects. He speaks:

“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.” Proverbs 4:23 warns us. Put a guard around your heart.

Make a distinct decision to be apart for God.

Be sold-out for Jesus. If He would feel uncomfortable standing around the words of thought and conduct, then so should you.

How do we gain and increase in wisdom? God doesn’t leave His children in the dark:

The Lord gives wisdom;
from his mouth come knowledge and understanding.

He holds success in store for the upright,
he is a shield to those whose walk is blameless, for he guards the course of the just and protects the way of his faithful ones. Proverbs 2:6-8.

It is always right to trust God. He is able.

You’ve grown up in a house where there is nothing we can stand on except God to get us through. He has given exceptional gifts in each one of us and He is available to lavishly pour out His Spirit.

Keep the rivers flowing.

 “Seek ye the Lord while he may be found, call ye upon him while he is near:

 Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the Lord, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon.” Isaiah 55:6-7.

Turn daily to seek the Lord’s face. And you will continually be able to have within you this glorious prize,

“I have more insight than all my teachers, for I meditate on your statutes.” Psalm 119:99.

This world is conditional. On condition of this, you can do that. On condition of that, you can have this.

Well, Jesus is love, unconditional. Today, tomorrow, never changing. He will not turn His back. I pray that each and every day, His face is what you seek.

“The Lord bless you
    and keep you;
 the Lord make his face shine on you
    and be gracious to you;
 the Lord turn his face toward you
    and give you peace.” Numbers 6:24-26.

Ephesians 2:13, “But now in Christ Jesus you who were once  far off have been made near by the blood of Christ.”

Picture by Jonathan Rypkema. God’s Hand.

Prayer and Encouragement: Be Still My Soul

“Be Still my soul  . . .” The  old hymn reminds. 

How do I “be still?”

This is the question as the clock continues to move time.

Fears flood in an instant.

Stresses press on our back.

Pain wears down the weary body. There are tears on the inside, like rain no one can see.

We’re in this marathon race. It’s not how we start, it’s how we finish.

We must finish. We must finish well. But “How?”

With unity. Not isolated and alone. That spells defeat and loneliness.

Reminding each other to remind ourselves:

Be Still my Soul. The Lord is on thy side . . .
Bear patiently the cross of grief or pain.

Leave to thy God to order and provide;
In every change, He faithful will remain.

Be still, my soul: thy best, thy heav’nly Friend
Through thorny ways leads to a joyful end.”

We must remember God is King over everything.

“Let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water.
 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 
not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching. Hebrews 10:22-25.

Our prayer to Jesus: “There is so much change. But You, O LORD remain.

We draw near to You, and You draw near when we do.

O God, help us, today in such darkness, take hold of Your light and believe and rest . . .
in Your faithfulness.

“Be still, my soul: Our God doth undertake
To guide the future, as You have the past.
Thy hope, thy confidence let nothing shake;
All now mysterious shall be bright at last.

We pray in a hymn, dear Lord.

Be still, my soul: the waves and winds still know
Your voice Who ruled them while You dwelt below.

Be still, my soul: when dearest friends depart, And all is darkened in the vale of tears, 
Then shalt we  better know Your love, Your heart,
Who comes to soothe our sorrow and our fears.

Dear Lord, comfort the downcast with Your Spirit, we draw near.

“Be still, my soul: the hour is hast’ning on
When we shall be forever with You Lord.
When disappointment, grief, and fear are gone,
Sorrow forgot, love’s purest joys restored.

Be still, my soul: when change and tears are past
All safe and blessed we shall meet at last.”

Dear Father in heaven, we bow our heads together. The most important change that needs be, is inside of me—Increase my faith, that I might stand, and follow You, as You take hold of my hand.

“Be still, my soul: begin the song of praise
On earth, believing,  You, O Lord on high; to
Acknowledge You in all our words and ways,
So shall You  view us with a well-pleased eye.

Be still, my soul: the Son of life divine
Through passing clouds shall but more brightly shine.”

We bow our heads, we pray to You. We end our words  and whole heartedly say:  “Our soul is still, as we set our minds on the hill, where You laid down Your life, as a perfect sacrifice, forgiving my failures, Dear Lord Jesus, Thank You.“
(1) “Be Still My Soul” by Katherine von Schlegel. 

We need each other

Truly my soul silently waits for God;

From Him comes my salvation.
 He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved. 

Psalm 62
To the Chief Musician. To Jeduthun. A Psalm of David.

In all honesty, my soul waits for God. But silently? No, not always. At times it’s more like an ocean in a storm.

“I shall not be greatly moved,” David proclaims. Perhaps slightly moved he was because he continues his psalm:

 How long will you attack a man?
You shall be slain, all of you,
Like a leaning wall and a tottering fence.
 They only consult to cast him down from his high position;
They delight in lies;
They bless with their mouth,
But they curse inwardly. Selah

This is not a time of peace for David. Selah, or “pause and think quietly about it,” makes us consider for ourselves what these verses mean.

These thoughts of great trouble, confusion, and lies could be in regards to our own personal battles, or our family dynamics, dealing with people, or sickness and bills, or school, finances, or work, car troubles. Each of these can bring us down from a stable position.

The lies that come flooding in from the enemy, for me are:  “This is how’s it’s been, forever.” “This is how it will be forever.” “Nothing will ever change, this is all you have forever.”

The Word, a refuge. God speaks and instructs. What did David do?

He talks to his own soul. Psalm 62 proves to instruct me to do the same:

 My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;

I shall not be moved. Psalm 62:5,6.

David is changed. I’m sure his circumstances haven’t changed. But he has changed.

How?

His eye focus changed to the only rock and salvation. Right now, is there anyone else who needs some corrective glasses, like me. I must focus up, o-n-l-y. Not once and forever, but step by step, moment by moment:

 In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God.

Change is going on. my heart is being moved to increased faith. Satan has no victory. But the next verse caught me by surprise. It no longer uses the word me, or I, but your and us:

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah

Pause and think quietly about this. “You people,” “your heart,” “God is a refuge for us.” We need community. We need each other.

We can all come together and agree, men, (women, all people,) will disappoint. We are all sinners. Not one is exempt from the fall. David writes:

 Surely men of low degree are a vapor,
Men of high degree are a lie;
If they are weighed on the scales,
They are altogether lighter than vapor.
 Do not trust in oppression,
Nor vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase,
Do not set your heart on them.

But together, if we remind each other to “look up,” and focus on God, we will not be shaken.

God has spoken once,
Twice I have heard this:
That power belongs to God.
Also to You, O Lord, belongs mercy;
For You render to each one according to his work. Psalm 62.

How we need to talk of His power and mercy. His faithfulness. His grace. We can wait on God, together. We will say to our souls:

wait silently for God alone,
For our expectation is from Him.
He only is our rock and our salvation;
He is our defense;

We shall not be moved.

Selah, We will pause and think quietly about that!

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24.

 

I want a garden of flowers, but the soil of my heart, needs work.

Soil, hard with clay and stone. A barren landscape. Plain. Forlorn. Similar to my heart, quite honestly, at times. Nothing will grow in this, except the weeds of discontent and misery.

But a shovel, some good soil and earth, a bit of sweat and great effort. And seeds of Truth and God’s Holy Word, can be received in the dirt to bring about hope.

The seeds are a promise. There’s now hope of refreshing fruit.

God speaks to His people so they understand difficult things:
“. . . unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.

But if it dies, it produces many seeds,” John 12:24, NIV.

“If it dies, it produces,” produces and multiplies. Life and fruit overcome barrenness.  And life overcomes death, all because a seed fell to the ground and dies.

What can this mean for you and me? Is the soil of my heart open to hear? Or do I carry on without a care?

The mystery is clarified. God’s Word simplifies:

 In the past you were dead because you sinned and fought against God. 

You followed the ways of this world and obeyed the devil. He rules the world, and his spirit has power over everyone who doesn’t obey God.

 Once we were also ruled by the selfish desires of our bodies and minds. We had made God angry, and we were going to be punished like everyone else.

 But God was merciful!

We were dead because of our sins, but God loved us so much that he made us alive with Christ, and God’s wonderful kindness is what saves you.

Openness to the Word softens the heart. Receiving the seed, is death on our part. But God then can work miraculously and bring life out of death. Only God brings life.

God raised us from death to life with Christ Jesus, and he has given us a place beside Christ in heaven. 

 God did this so that in the future world he could show how truly good and kind he is to us because of what Christ Jesus has done. 

You were saved by faith in God, who treats us much better than we deserve. 

This is God’s gift to you, and not anything you have done on your own.

God gives the gift. We simply receive. If our hearts are soft like good soil, and simply Believe.

  It isn’t something you have earned, so there is nothing you can brag about.

 God planned for us to do good things and to live as he has always wanted us to live.

That’s why he sent Christ to make us what we are. Ephesians 2 Contemporary English Version. 

An old hymn comes to mind:

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
  The emblem of suff’ring and shame,
And I love that old cross where the Dearest and Best
  For a world of lost sinners was slain.(1)

Soil worked, seed in the ground, sun and water required, seed then dies, but by miracle it seems, a sprout appears. Hope for fruit right before our eyes.

Promise of a flower, a tomato, or pear. And for me and you, the fruit of the Spirit, more love, more patience, and self-control and gentleness. The ability for faithfulness and joy. Do we desire kindness and peace? Do we have the ability to do good

“. . . unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, . . .” 

it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, . . .”

the fruit of love is spread all over.

On the old rugged Cross, stain’d with blood so divine
A wondrous beauty I see
For the dear Lamb of God, left his Glory above
To pardon and sanctify me
So I’ll cherish the old rugged Cross
Till my trophies at last I lay down
I will cling to the old rugged Cross
And exchange it some day for a crown
Like a beautiful garden, is that what we desire to be? Soft hearts, bearing fruit?
Seeking God to help keep out the weeds, until the time He calls us home:
To the old rugged Cross, I will ever be true
Its shame and reproach gladly bear
Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away
Where his glory forever I’ll share

The Old Rugged Cross, George Bennard, 1912

 

Word Weavers International. A Wonderful World of Word Wrestling to Bring God’s Way and Glory Back into Light

Has God put on your heart to write? And specifically, to the glory of God?  If the answer is yes, check to see if there is a local Word Weavers chapter in your area.

There is in mine.
I love the name, “Word Weavers.” However, for me, (and perhaps you), preparing for the casual meetings to gather with local writers with a piece of no more than 1500 words, “Word Wrestler” is a more appropriate name.

Word Weavers will inspire, instruct, and encourage. No one goes home crying. However, you might feel the need to go home and wrestle.

After our time together with “cold-sandwich” critique, (meaning, after your piece is read), words are spoken of what’s “sweet,” then they get to the “meat” and a bit of “let us” too, with some wrapping up without leaving you pickled.

Word Weavers is community. It provides homework, produces commitment, and offers a calendar of opportunity.
Check out to see if there’s a local Word Weavers in your area. What was the purpose for my little “commercial?”

Well, if it be true that we are created in the image of God, and it’s apparent that something’s terribly wrong. And blaming God or others doesn’t bring constructive change.

Then those who treasure the Word breathed by Him, must take courage and declare God’s glory with their pen-or their keys, or etc. (You know what I mean.)

What if it’s true that we’re in the “last days?” And the warnings of God were never read because of man’s rage?
Let’s do it. Let’s write. God Himself has stirred us up.
If there be but one Door. (1) (Which often angers men and brings out their worst.) Let’s proclaim what’s written, and give God back His voice. Then those who take a minute to read, . . .
might find themselves transformed by a “renewing” of the mind.(2)
“His will be done, not yours, not mine.
Do you have a story that brings glory to God? A novel. Fiction, non-fiction, devotions. Poetry, Children’s stories and picture books too. Word Weavers will welcome you in a world of “weaving” and “wrestling” for some.
Join us.
Let’s write.
And enjoy a “cold-sandwich” or two.
In obedience and courage, we will proclaim light.
God gives us choice. (A great love-gift from Him.)
But, it’s time to persuade man to turn back to God, because “as in the days of Noah,” the door was closed tight.
I’ll end my rough poetry with Matthew 24. And I hope I’ve encouraged you to enter a Word Weaver’s door:
 “But about that day or hour no one knows, not even the angels in heaven, nor the Son,but only the Father.
 As it was in the days of Noah, so it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.
 For in the days before the flood, people were eating and drinking, marrying and giving in marriage, up to the day Noah entered the ark;  and they knew nothing about what would happen until the flood came and took them all away.
That is how it will be at the coming of the Son of Man.
 Two men will be in the field; one will be taken and the other left.
 Two women will be grinding with a hand mill; one will be taken and the other left.
“Therefore keep watch, because you do not know on what day your Lord will come.
 But understand this: If the owner of the house had known at what time of night the thief was coming, he would have kept watch and would not have let his house be broken into.
 So you also must be ready, because the Son of Man will come at an hour when you do not expect him.
 “Who then is the faithful and wise servant, whom the master has put in charge of the servants in his household to give them their food at the proper time? . . .“(3)
Faithful and wise?
Food for thought, for you and me, always.
I hope to see you at the next local Word Weaver’s meeting.
 (1) John 10
(2) Romans 12:2
(3) Matthew 24: 36-46

Be Thou My Vision, Lord of My Heart

Thank you for all the encouragement in writing.

This is my new address, tonirypkema.com after writing on a WordPress site. I have so much to learn, but I hope that in my journey of starting from scratch and gleaning and growing along the way,

I actually bring encouragement to other people who desire to write.

The goal of mine is to lift all eyes to the One Who loves Everyone. The Creator of all things. The One who Rescued us from the world’s brokenness and sin. That the name that is above every name will be called on by all who read.

I pray that I keep my focus and remember the vision for each undertaking:

“Be Thou my Vision, Lord of my heart. Not be all else to me, save that Thou art. Thou my best thought by day or by night. Waking or sleeping, Thy presence my light…”

I hope that by pulling out old words of wonder and glory, and God’s Word of truth, we’re able to “think on things that are good and of a good report” as we go about our days in this broken and thorn infested world. May God bless us in our journeys and walks following His steps, ever gracious and gentle, near beside us.

I hope to have many read aloud hymns of old and meditate on what is told. And bring a collage with God’s Word, poetry, hymns, psalms and testimonies to inspire and refresh.

“Be Thou my vision.” What do I see? Father, Son, Holy Spirit.  One God only, yet three. The Father sent the Son because of man’s fall, to crush the serpent’s head.  Thy word tells us all.

“Thou my best thought by day or by night.” Yes, Jesus came. Yes, Jesus died. But He didn’t stay on the cross . He rose from the dead in resurrection. Death brought life, not loss.

The vision is clear. As an ugly bulb is put into the ground, in the fall to simply die. But  it doesn’t stay there, dead forever. It springs up into life with color and favor.

“How that Christ died for our sins according to the Scriptures…”, says, Thou true word. “And that He was buried, and that He rose again the third day according to the Scriptures.”  “According to the Scriptures,” We draw pictures in our mind as we read:

Even in Leviticus, (dreadful reading at times), You hide great treasures and portraits for Your children to find. Portraits of the resurrection, portraits of Your Son. How is a leper cleansed? It is spelled out in Leviticus 14:1.

Spelled out in Scripture, is a priest and two birds. One bird is killed over running water, then put into an earthen jar, not pretty, but true. And the second bird with cedar wood, scarlet and hyssop is dipped in the blood of that first dying bird, then released and set free, into the sky—an illustration of that brings glory to You.

“Be Thou my wisdom, Thou my true word, I ever with Thee and Thou with me Lord. thou my great Father, and I Thy true son, Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee, one.”

“Therefore we were buried with Him through baptism into death, that just as Christ was raised from the dead by the glory of the Father, even so we should walk in newness of life.” Romans 6:4.

Just as Christ was raised from the dead. And, “Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee, one.” Unified together. Victory is won.

“Be Thou my battle -shield. Sword for my fight! Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight. Thought my souls shelter, Thou my high tower, Raise Thou me heavenward, O power, of my power!”

The sword of Your word tells me the “old man” was crucified. That my “body of sin” is done away. I no longer have to be a slave to the brokenness within. (Rom. 6:6)

“Thou my souls shelter, Thou my high tower. Raise Thou me heavenward, O power, of my power!”

“Riches I heed not. Nor man’s empty praise. Thou mine inheritance, now and always. Thou and Thou only, First in my heart. High King of Heaven, my treasure Thou art.”

“And that He might make known the riches of His glory on the vessels of mercy, which He had prepared beforehand for glory, even us whom He called…” (Romans 9:23).

“Vessels of mercy?” We were allowed to be broken, first. Then mercy was granted. Not giving us what we deserve. Loving us when we didn’t love back.

That someday, we might make known the riches of Your glory. Standing tall and proclaiming with sound on our own lips:  “Thou and Thou only, First in my heart, High King of Heaven, my treasure, Thou art.”

“High King of heaven, our victory won.  May I reach heaven’s joy, bright heaven’s Son. Heart of my own heart, whatever befall,

Still be my Vision, O Ruler of all.”

So as we think on these things, great and mighty, we may trust and obey and follow Him more united. “Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, Still be my Vision, . . .  O Ruler of All.”

“Hallelujah, Amen.” Let us make these words “new” every time we sing them.

God, make our life a portrait of Your resurrection. Once dead, but now alive. Alive in You dear Jesus, for now – in good, and bad, in all that life brings, and forever, for the long haul, for all eternity.

“Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, O Ruler of all.”

Let us go forth empowered anew, as we walk through rough terrain and trials that prove long.

 

Long and overdue, Honor for you, Mom

Mom, this is a letter of honor for you. Yes, long overdue. Oh, there were small moments of honor, but over-all, as a child and even as a young woman, I struggled to be honoring.

If I could have spent more time thinking on the good things and good reports. But my brain was prone to think on the lack, the imperfections, the cracks and nicks. Why did it take me so many years to understand that all this is part of my battle with sin.

I suppose the most relieving part, is, this is everyone’s battle, day in and day out. There is no escaping it, in our own strength. There’s only so far you can go with “the power of positive thinking.”

If I could have actually put in practice, “Do to mother, what you would have her do to you.” I might have, in the process, learned a thing or two about honoring you.

I was not your easy, compliant child. No, I was hard-headed, stubborn, temperamental, and angry. So much so, that being my last name was Born, you would often joke that my middle name was Stub. Toni Stub-Born.

Did I ever say “I’m sorry,” for all my Stub-Born-ness?  Well, “I’m sorry mom.”
I have a few “snapshot” memories. I was six or so, and I needed my tonsils out.

I remember crying and carrying on with loud cries and tears because I DID NOT want to go in some room that seemed to be a community room with lots of kids and parents. No!

I remember being put in a private-type room. And then after surgery, I was surrounded by stuffed animals, a new tooth brush, and tons of attention. Did I think I was a princess?

Yes, I believed I was a princess.

Another snapshot memory is the huge scene I made about “hating” my brand-new, (very fine, I might add), genuine leather sandals you bought for me and presented to me the day and moments before leaving for the Barnum and Bailey Circus, the Greatest Show on Earth.

I made a scene, almost to the point of missing the circus. But I wore the shoes, somehow, (I’m sure with great aggravation and struggle on your part), and forgot all about them after being struck with awe and wonder of the Three Rings, the lights and sparkle, the stilts, the elephants, the horses.

Did I realize that not every child had the opportunity to see the Barnum and Bailey Circus? Did I ever say I’m sorry for carrying on?

I’m sorry mom. And, thanks for taking me to the circus. I still remember it today, along with the leather sandals. I remember really liking them as time went on.

I didn’t have a thankful heart. I didn’t naturally think on the good and wonderful things you did for me. Instead, I was critical and had blaming thoughts.

Mom, I’m truly sorry for all this. Why’d it take 57 years for me to say this? You spent time with me to teach me to sew. And you were the one to introduce me to Calligraphy pens. You spent time with me giving me instruction in how to use them well.

To think Mom, it was you who put the seed in me for Calligraphy. I included a handful of the beautiful script that continually flows from my kids.

Thank you.

What about the music lessons? The painful moments listening to me sing. Then the huge investment in voice lessons. All for me. Mom, thank you for investing in me. Singing, playing instruments, teaching others the joy of playing. This is so much of my life today. All because you and dad invested in me.

Thank you. Thank you.

And the dance lessons at the Glenda Falk Studio. It was like a second home. You and dad flipped the bill. Endless hours dancing giving me the heart to dream for a future of musical comedy.

Thank you Mom.

And remember, after your rare trip to NYC, when you brought home the album for “A Chorus Line.” Forget about it, I had a dream to go to NYC and audition for that show. And I did!

I wasn’t cast, but it’s crazy to actually think of all that now.

You were an example of taking healthy herbs and living in moderation. But there was not a moderate bone in my body. I was a powerhouse of energy and  hard-headedness, smart, opinionated, and, . . . how you must have cringed at all my hidden insecurities.

I will write now, something I’ve never spoken aloud, but I remember at age 6 or 7, when I drank from my first Coke-a-cola, in the small glass bottle. Like a magnet, the sugar had a grip on me.

What’s all that about? It was an impulsive-compulsiveness growing inside of me, (probably from the day I was born, only to learn later, we’re all born with a bent to sin). Well, you watched it. The craziness of an eating disorder throughout my high school years, and sad to say, it wasn’t until I was 20  before I could finally admit I had a serious problem.

I didn’t know how to eat. I would eat anything and think, “I ate too much,” only to then binge and eat the entire box! Or, I would look in the mirror and think, “I’m so fat.” An insanity was growing inside my mind.
But underneath all that eating and binging, exercising and dance class madness, were huge insecurities, negative thoughts, and an internal angry mess.

I was searching spiritually in High-School, and God was watching me.

I remember looking into the huge, vast, Arizona sky, (because there weren’t huge trees to block the view, just a Saguaro Cactus or so), and “talking to God.”

He heard me.

He sent my dance teacher, my Key Club friends, kids from cheer and FCA to be a witness to me. I made some efforts of change trying to get religion. Doing this thing and that, but it was all effort without . . .

. . . my whole heart. I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus, I was inwardly a mess, still the pilot of my ship.

But no-one could tell, it was all hidden inside.

I auditioned for the American Academy Arts. I got accepted and off I went to the big CA! I did fine for a few years, setting goals and moving forward. Musicals, Summer Stock, in my own energy and strength, and outward courage, after my Exam Plays at the California school, I asked to transfer, if accepted to the  American Academy of Dramatic Arts, NY School.

I was able to say, “American Academy of Dramatic Arts NYC, Here I come.”

An Arizona girl in the big NYC. The dream to dance and study voice and act- Yes, I was living a dream!

But mom, as time went on,I couldn’t overcome my eating disorder. It got so much worse.

No one could really tell from the outside. This was a hidden struggle.

 

The insecurities mounted. The anger. The fear. I couldn’t fly home. I had to get it right, right there.

I was reading “Out on a Limb,” by Shirley MacClaine. I sought New Age wisdom, only to be left short of any victory to overcome my compulsive, self-destructive behavior.

My life had become unmanageable.

I needed a Savior. And God found me and He rescued me, in the big NYC. You see, an alcoholic can do a twelve step program and stop drinking, but with eating disorders, you’ve got to learn to eat.

God helped me, to literally, eat. First, through 12 steps, and then continually to learn Who it was that I “made the decision to turn my will and my life over to His care.”

The Bible became my main read!

I was His girl, and He was always with me. He helped me conquer and heal completely my angers, day by day, and my insecurities. I often would think, because this was in that era, of Karen Carpenter, who didn’t get the help in time. That reminded me, this is important.

I gave my life to Jesus, He helped me to finally stand on my own two feet.
Anger was my real issue, and moment by moment, with my mind in His word, my heart seeking His way, and the Spirit leading, He helped me overcome addiction.

He’s still helping me.

So, Mom, I suppose in honoring you today, I write what seems to be a book. A thousand words, plus, but it’s time mom.

And I wanted you to know all this.

And you know, this NYC girl was never going to get married or have kids, (before this change and new relationship with the Lord and allowing Him to pilot my ship).

God had plans unlike mine. He had me meet Mike, and showed me, “This is the one.”

We married and  had a few children, . . . or eleven.

I know, you thought your girl had lost her mind. Yes, quite frankly. But they’re all your grand-kids!

As a mom, I try to do my best, and mom, you did your best too. So I want to say today, I’m sorry for all the grief I caused your heart. And thank you, from the bottom of my heart for your love and your endless support.

I could write so much more, but bottom line, it’s long over-due, mom. “Thank you.”

I hope you are blessed as you watch our kids grow. And I hope your heart swells a bit  knowing you started the Calligraphy trend, many years ago, when you took the time to teach me how to use a Calligraphy pen.

I’m thankful, that even though I moved away from AZ at 18, social media helps us share pictures and moments, and we don’t have to feel so far away.

I love you mom. I honor you, hopefully better everyday.

Your far-away, and (thankfully) a bit less hard-headed and stubborn girl,

Toni

 

 

For ‘Now and Again, Letter #3, She was running

Dear Girls,

This is letter #3 about your mom. I’m sure your heart breaks in many ways at times when you think of her.

The huge disabilities. With absolutely no ability to serve her girls cake on your birthdays. Unable to pick up a pencil to show you how to do the math problem. Or clap when you swam your best in the pool.

The tears that must have flowed from her eyes when she badly wanted to give you hugs.

But, I want your thoughts to be wonderful of your mom, not filled will sadness. So, I share this letter with you.

You may wonder, “How  did it come about that Ms. Toni would come once in a while and bring songs to your house.”

Your mom welcomed the songs and the music. They were a joy to her heart.

Her respirator alarm would go off while she was singing, but she sang anyway with all her breath.

And with the respirator, it was limited.But she sang with all her heart. God has a promise about that:

You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”Jer. 29:13.

God knew we needed each other, at this time of our lives. How I loved your mom.

I think of her often, her attitude, her faith.

The elders from the church came to anoint her with oil and pray the prayer of healing over her in the name of Jesus. That’s what we were all waiting for.

We all know the stories. We’ve heard them, they were taught to us, when Peter said, “Silver and gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!”(Acts 3:6). And we know that he took the man by the right hand and helped him up and the man’s feet and ankles became strong.

Your mom had faith to believe she would walk again, day in and day out.

We picture all this in our minds, that “He jumped to his feet and began to walk.”(Acts. 3:8).  And we can see them as well, “walking and leaping and praising God” (Acts. 3:8), into the temple.

Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God,” (Rom. 10:17).

Your mom had believing faith.

She told me, when forced to go to the hospital because the Home Heath Care had expired,  “I’m going to walk out of this hospital.”

Tears did flow from her eyes. I know. I had to wipe those precious tears and cry with her a time or two.

Incredibly, with her very next breath, she would say in that sweet, whispery voice, “God is working. He’s going to do something amazing real soon!”

Well, guess what? God did answer that prayer the elders prayed. Your mom was healed of everything. Everything spiritually and emotionally.

So let me tell you the story, so you can read it now and again, the day your mama was running.

Well, since God had set it all up, that your mom and I would meet two times a week while she lay motionless on a bed for weeks.

We were living the Word. It was really precious: Yep, we would Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him; and talk of all His wondrous works, Psalm 105:2, and we would Seek the LORD and His strength; and Seek His face evermore.”,Ps. 105:4.

And we read the Song of Solomon together. So, going on a journey of the Song of all songs we began. Let me tell you, God was working, and He was doing something amazing everyday.
So, you see, I brought to the hospital along with my ‘Baby guitar’ my Jon Courson’s Application Commentary, Old Testament, Volume 2.

We discovered the King’s love for His maiden, (or Jesus’ love for you and me and for all the “whosoevers spoken of in John 3:16), and we felt like two schoolgirls together with giant ‘crushes’ on…Jesus.

Your mom and I were so enraptured like never before by the Love of our Bridegroom Jesus, how even though we were messed up and ‘dark’ with sin, (Song of Solomon 1:6), and we felt He shouldn’t look at us, the King said,
“I have compared you, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh’s chariots.” Song of Sol. 1:9.

Our King, our Love compares us to  His prize possessions, (not a mule or donkey), and He says,
“Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, Your neck with chains of gold. We will make you ornaments, [braids] of gold…”(Song of Sol. 1:9-11).

The commentary told us that the King’s maidens wore headdresses with jewels and the “We will make you ornaments . . .” reminds us of the Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Jon Courson then explained this verse, “We will make you ornaments, or braids of gold “, like this: “When we wonder what the Lord is doing during times of trial  and testing, He is braiding us – His gold- through hard times of pounding and beating and shaping.” “What right does He have to pound on me and to beautify me in that way?” you ask.””

He said, “Read on.” So, read on we did. The song: “We will make you ornaments [braids] of gold with studs of silver.”(Song. of Sol. 1:9). Silver means redemption.  Then the song continues, “While the king is at his table, my spikenard sends forth its fragrance. A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me, That lies all night between my breasts. . .

And we remember,’myrrh’. It was the spice that was brought to Jesus when He was a baby. It’s a burial spice. And we know the Table, the Table of communion that reminds us of His love that was poured out. Jesus died.

“A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me,” the song goes. Yes, we hold our Jesus close to our hearts. He loves us ultimately.

Your mama and I experienced a bit of heaven on that morning together. So much love was poured out in our hearts that morning. Your mom couldn’t hold anything in her arms, but we both held Jesus.

Let Him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

Jon Courson did a great job reminding us that “you cannot kiss two people on the lips at one time.”And we thought, “Hmmm, very true.”

 “Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth for Your love is better than wine.”  And your mom and I learned that the word ‘wine’ in the Bible speaks of joy. So here in just the first two verses in the song this maiden is saying, “Lord, I am completely, absolutely, 100% Yours, and Your love is more to me than anything this world has to offer.”

I bet you are asking yourself, “Didn’t she mention ‘running’ in this letter? I am not seeing any ‘running!” You are right, but I had to get you ready for it.

Song of Solomon 1:4, “Draw me, and we will run after thee…”

Listen girls, spiritually and emotionally, on that day, together, I believe the Lord healed both of us emotionally.

Emotionally, Your mom wasn’t just walking and leaping, she was running.” We were both running after Jesus together.

God had drawn us both and we were running after Him. But I have to say, your mom was “smoking me” in that run to her Prince of Peace.

I know this is long, but you’ve got this for ‘now and again’ when you need to read about your amazing mom and what the Lord did for her mad me.

I write for you girls with great amounts of love. I pray that you may you be blessed, for now and again with these reminders.

Love,
Toni Rypkema