Author: Toni Rypkema

I'm a believer in Jesus. Because of this, I am married to a wonderful husband and the mom of a large family. For those who have battled cancer, or any other tragedy or disease, you might understand, I had a choice to get better or bitter. I chose to give thanks to Jesus for my every breath. For that reason alone, wanting to proclaim His goodness, do I write - Toni

"Good will to ALL…" not just the shepherds, but 'ALL!'

The old familiar story is best told by a little boy named Linus, who with blanket in hand quietly tells Charlie Brown what Christmas is all about. Can you hear his precious voice: “And behold, an angel of the Lord stood before them, and the glory of the Lord shone around them, and they were greatly afraid. Then the angel said to them, “Do not be afraid, for behold, I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to all people. “For there is born to you this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord. “And this will be the sign to you; You will find the Babe wrapped in swaddling cloths, lying in a manger.”
“And suddenly there was with the angel a multitude of the heavenly host praising God and saying: “Glory to God in the highest, And on earth peace, good will toward men!” So it was, when the angels had gone away from them into heaven, that the shepherds said to one another, “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.” Luke 2:8-15.
Did you hear your name mentioned? The angels weren’t just talking to the shepherds! They gave a message for us all: “Do not be afraid, for behold I bring you good tidings of great joy which will be to ALL people” (Luke 2:9, emphasis mine!) Both you and me, being ‘people’ are part of the ‘all!’ The broken world had corruption at that time, sickness, pain, hurts, lies and death; but the message from the heavens to all the people: Glory to God of the heavens and on earth God wills  peace and good’ toward men!’
Peace on earth and (being God is the only one that is good),  God’s will on earth! Who are men ‘in God’s will?’ DON’T RUN AWAY! Hear the words of the angel: ‘Do not fear, I bring good news…’ God knows that none of us are ‘righteous’, (Rom. 3:10). God knows we all ‘fall short of the glory’ of God, (Romans 3:23). “Do not be afraid…” the angel said.
“If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.” (1 John 1:8). God knows all this! And yet He sent the angel with a message for ALL the people: ‘I bring good news’, “For there is born to you this day…a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” (Luke 2:11). Peace and good-will are for all who ‘turn’ to God, moment by moment, with an awe and ‘fear’! For the ‘fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom!'(Proverbs 9:10, emphasis mine!)
Step by step, line upon line, precept upon precept…’Do not be afraid of the Good News of Christ!’ God wills that we have ‘peace on earth’. “This is the will of God,” Jesus said, “that you believe on Him whom the Father has sent.” (John 6:29).
Don’t let anyone or anything ‘steal, kill or destroy’ your peace. Embrace the King of Kings!
“The kings of the earth set themselves, and the rulers take counsel together against the LORD, and against His anointed saying, “Let us break their bands asunder, and cast away their cords from us.”(Psalm 2:2,3). But, do you know what the King of Kings does with all of this? “He that sits in the heavens shall laugh; The LORD shall hold them in derision…”Yet I have set My King On My holy hill of Zion.” (Psalm 2:4,6).
God the Father sets the record straight: “I will declare the decree: The LORD has said to Me, “You are My Son, Today I have begotten You…” (Psalm 2:7).
Yes, we can know the ‘end of the story’ because the angels told us in the beginning, “Glory to God in the highest…”
He is the highest, He is the King of Kings! After all the kings of the earth rebel and wage war ‘against His anointed’ coming together ultimately in the ‘battle of Armageddon’, the Lord will establish His rule and reign on His ‘Holy Hill in Zion!’ We are the shepherds, we are ALL the people, when we choose to  ‘behold’ the good-will of God and believe in Him whom He has sent!
“Now therefore be wise, O kings…” (Ps. 2:10) O, we know that we are not kings, but by believing,“…you are a chosen generation, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, His own special people, that you may proclaim the praises of Him who called you our of darkness into His marvelous light;
who once were not a people, (much like the shepherds!), but are now the people of God who had not obtained mercy but now have obtained mercy.” (1 Peter 2:9).
“Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace and good-will to all men.” Can you hear the angels sing?
Today, if the ‘kings of the earth’ be not wise, we, a chosen generation…(maybe shepherds after all…) we will say together: “Let us now go to Bethlehem and see this thing that has come to pass, which the Lord has made known to us.”(Luke 2:15).
Let us be as the shepherds…
“Come let us adore Him.” Yes, we will. “Serve the Lord with fear and rejoice with trembling. Kiss the Son…” (Psalm 2:11,12a). ‘Kiss the Son’, yes, we will: we will turn toward the King of Kings. We will worship Him and adore Him. We will express our appreciation that we have ‘obtained mercy’, we will give thanks that when we ‘confess our sins, He is faithful and just to forgive us our sins.” ( 1John 1:9). We will rejoice that we have been chosen to be his people! Yes, we will express devotion, and our love. We will adore Him, we will…
“Blessed are all that put their trust in Him.” (Ps. 2:12).
“Then the shepherds returned, glorifying and praising God for all the things that they have heard and seen, as it was told them.” (Luke 2:20).  This is the peace God wills for all – not for tomorrow, but for this day: “For there is born to you, THIS DAY, … a Savior!”
This day, we WILL  worship and adore Him! And, THAT… is peace. And…
“This is what Christmas is all about Charlie Brown.”

"God, help us to 'hear the bells this Christmas!"

“I heard the bells on Christmas day, their old familiar carols play, and wild and sweet the words repeat, “Of peace on earth, good-will to men.”
These familiar words were written by Henry Wadsworth Longfellow, who had seen his share of ‘dark cloudy days’. He had suffered loss of his wife and the country had entered the Civil War, and on Dec. 1, 1863, he received news that his son had been seriously injured in the war – so on December 25, 1863 his feelings spilled out in this old Christmas hymn…and as we end our year, these age- old words seem ‘time-less.’
“And in despair I bowed my head: “There is no peace on earth,” I said, “For hate is strong, and mocks the song of peace on earth, good-will to men.”
Today, we understand this same ‘despair’ that was experienced so long ago, “And in despair I bowed my head: ‘There is no peace on earth’ I said, “For hate is strong, and mocks the song of peace on earth, good-will to men.”
We see it, we know it in the depths of our beings, that ‘hate is strong, and mocks the song of peace on earth, good-will to men’. Something happens, however, as one makes the choice to ‘hear the bells’!
Somehow God comforts and seems to answer unanswerable questions in the old hymns. The words ring like the old Church-bells did, and our pained hearts are quiet, so to have ears that are listening still: “And thought how, as the day had come, The belfries of all Christendom Had rolled along th’unbroken song Of peace on earth, good-will to men.”
“Then pealed the bells more loud and deep: “God is not dead, nor doth He sleep; The wrong shall fail, the right prevail, With peace on earth, good-will to men.”
Can you hear the bells this Christmas time? Do they have a sound that is loud and deep, ringing, “God is not dead, nor doth He sleep!”
Perhaps your life and mine can be used this day of God ‘who’s not dead…’ to bring ‘peace on earth and goodwill to men’. “Till ringing, singing on its way, the world revolved from night to day, A voice, a chime,a chant sublime, Of peace on earth, goodwill to men!”
“What is it we do, dear precious Lord that we be a ‘voice, a chime or a chant sublime, of peace on earth, good-will to men’? People are hurting, they are often alone. There is much pain and fear and anxiety here. Do we give them a hug, or pray on the spot? Does a wish of ‘God’s Blessing’ and smile say it all?” “Maybe we’re the one’s hurting, what is the healing there? Could it be in the giving that the hope is restored?”
“Open our ears, that we hear the bells so we can invite others to hear them as well, to lift up ourselves, and everyone else, above the asphalt each of us trod, so in each of our hearts we can fly, we can soar with the joy of the Lord like a young child again.  And help us to watch them, the children that is, so filled with skip and hop and a song, … ’till ringing, singing on its way, the world revolves from night to day, A voice, a chime, a chant sublime, Of peace on earth, good -will to men!”
“Yes, Lord, fill us, Your children, with Your Spirit of love, so we may have ears this year to ‘hear the bells’.
And perhaps that as th’old familiar carols play, and wild and sweet the words repeat, Of peace on earth, good-will to men.’We’re reminded good Lord, that  through the ‘unbroken song’ that “…hope does not disappoint,…” never, no never,because God’s love never fails…the ‘love of God’ is our ‘ever-filling’ hope. So, ‘peel those bells more loud and deep “God is not dead, nor doth Her sleep!” We can rejoice in the Lord always, ringing and singing on our way, “Of peace on earth, good will to men!”
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace in believing, that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 15:13

"You will be set free."

Praying this year as we hear the old Christmas songs, that they become ‘as new’, as a new song, as life has been born a-new, daily, as our faith increases and our eyes and ears are opened to see and hear as never before, the songs of old. “Sing to Him a new song”, now that your heart has been ‘tuned’ to sing His grace.

Speaking of a 'spiritual song'…"Bring Me to My Knees"

(Joel 2:28)”And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, That I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh; your sons and your daughters shall prophesy…”
My son Chris wrote a song a few years ago in 2008 with his band, ‘asforme’. I didn’t know it at the time, but I know it now -it is prophesy. It speaks true of the human heart and mind at some time in one’s life. It is called, Bring Me To My Knees. 
“How long O Lord will You be silent? Will You forget me?
How long O Lord, will You be silent? Will You hide Your face from me? 
“I thought I knew You better than this. So why can’t I hear You?
I thought I knew You better than this, so I’m crying out to You.”
“Bring me to my knees until I breathe, until I hear You, and take me to my face until I break – “I’m lost without You!”
In life, all that happens, God uses…and His word says, ‘He makes all things work together for good.’ (Romans 8:28).
Well, the song has a bridge: “The night is dark and cold, but still the morning comes. The night is dark and cold, but still the morning comes…” perhaps every life has a bridge as well. Much like a ‘bridge over troubled waters’ so to speak !
I believe that bridge is God! He’s got a hold on His children.
But the ‘bridge’ of the song( and of life itself) brings us around:To, “Bring me to my knees until I breathe, until I hear You, and take me to my face until I break – “I’m lost without You!”
God uses those cries in the ‘dark, cold’ nights and He ... “Bring(s) me to my knees until I breathe, until I hear You, and take me to my face until I break – “I’m lost without You!”
Nothing makes sense when great loss occurs- of career, or of a loved one, or huge disappointment, or great physical or mental tests and trials.
And many of us understand these words:
“The night is dark and cold,… but still the morning comes…”
And we even understand the repetition as well, as time goes on and on:
“the night is dark and cold, but still the morning comes…”
But GOD. This is the difference right here, this is what makes all things ‘work together’ for good:
“But in this day, I will rejoice, knowing I will breathe again, and in this day I will rejoice and
I will love you more.”
Making the choice to ‘worship’ while waiting IS the very breath. Making the choice to ‘worship’ when the ‘water-pots’ are empty at the wedding feast of life (so to speak) IS when we hear Him (Jesus) say: “Fill the water-pots with water.”(John 2:5-8).
Are we going to argue? Are we going to complain because those water-pots are 20 gallons each and there are 6 of them?! “That is way too hard!” ” And this doesn’t make any sense at all!” Are these our thoughts?
Oh, so often they are. That’s why the wrestling:
Oh yes, we do ask these words, we do over and over again:, “How long, O Lord? will You be silent…?”
And we can admit that we’ve even felt like this:
“I thought I knew You better than this. So why can’t I hear You?
I thought I knew You better than this, so I’m crying out to You.”
God allows at times, our days to be like ‘night’, ‘cold and dark’,  yet ‘still the morning comes.’
And He ‘brings us to our knees’. This is how He makes ‘all things work together for good. Perhaps, because He understands that our greatest good begins when we are ‘brought to our knees,’ seeking our King.
“Bring me to my knees until I breathe, until I hear You. And take me to my face until I break -I’m lost without You!”
The Lord is faithful, holding us in His hands. His love is unsearchable. When we are faithless, He is faithful still. That’s what the Bible tells us.
But the song has a bridge. Just as we have a bridge over our troubled waters: ” The night is dark and cold, but still the morning comes. The night is dark and cold, but still the morning comes…”
Bring me to my knees until I breathe, until I hear You. Take me to my face, ‘till I break, I’m lost without You!”
“It is better to go to the house of mourning than to go to the house of feasting,…Sorrow is better than laughter, For by a sad countenance the heart is made better…” (Ecclesiastes 6:2,3).
“But in this day, I will rejoice, knowing I will breathe again. But in this day I will rejoice, and I will love You more.”
Our hearts are made ‘better’ by our times of struggle and trial when we choose to see Him and Know Him more. He is concerned with our holiness, which is eternal, which in the end brings great happiness for today and forever.
Do you feel afflicted with great trial? (Isaiah 53:4,5) “Surely He has borne our griefs And carried our sorrows; Yet we esteemed Him stricken, Smitten by God, and afflicted…”
Why would God allow suffering?
(Isaiah 53:5) “He was bruised for our iniquities; The chastisement for our peace was upon Him, And by His stripes we are healed.”
Did Jesus know a dark and cold night?
(Is. 53:7)He was oppressed and He was afflicted, Yet He opened not His mouth.
…”All we like sheep have gone astray;(Is. 53:6).
God in His mercy knew that ‘before I was afflicted I went astray’
“But now I keep Your Word.” …and in this day I will rejoice, and I will love You more.”
Thank you Chris for writing a song that touches my heart and speaks so prophetically of all of my days. I love you forever.

"Make known His deeds among the peoples…"

A hymn writer of the 1870’s by the name of Samuel Trevor Francis did just that. He painted a most vivid picture of God’s love in his hymn titled ‘O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus’. But everyone has a story, and Samuel Francis’s story is told like this: Samuel was born in a northern village of London on November 19, 1834. As a child Samuel enjoyed poetry, and developed a passion for music, even singing in the church choir. However, as a teenager, he moved to London for work and struggled spiritually.
One day, it is documented in his writings, “I was on my way home from work and had to cross Hungerford Bridge to the south of the Thames. During the winter’s night of wind and rain and in the loneliness of that walk, I cried to God to have mercy on me. I stayed for a moment to look at the dark waters flowing under the bridge, and the temptation was whispered to me: ‘Make an end of all this misery.’ I drew back from the evil thought, and suddenly a message was borne into my very soul:
‘You do believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?’ I at once answered, ‘I do believe,’and I put my whole trust in Him as my Savior.” (Then Sings My Soul,Robert J. Morgan, O the Deep,Deep Love of Jesus).
Francis became a London merchant, but his main passion: Kingdom work! “O the deep, deep love of Jesus, Vast, unmeasured, boundless, free! Rolling as a mighty ocean In its fullness over me! Underneath me, all around me, Is the current of Thy love, Leading onward, leading homeward, To my glorious rest above!”
Our God saves. Yes, He does. Our God is able, yes He is. Our God is present, all the time. Our God loves…
“O the deep, deep love of Jesus, Spread His praise from shore to shore! How He loveth, ever loveth, Chageth never, never-more! How He watches o’er His loved ones, Died to call them all His own,
How fro them He intercedeth, Watcheth o’er them from the throne!…”
“Talk of all His wondrous works…”(Ps. 105:2)
“Remember His marvelous works which He has done, His wonders, and the judgements of His mouth…”(Psalm 105:5)
Yes, it is a wonder, His deep, deep love for me and for you! Yes, it is a wonder, but oh… it is true:
“O the deep, deep love of Jesus, Love of every love the best! ‘Tis an ocean full of blessing, ‘Tis a haven giving rest!
O the deep, deep love of Jesus, ‘Tis a heav’n of heav’ns to me, And it lifts me up to glory, For it lifts me up to Thee!” (O the Deep, Deep Love of Jesus, Samuel Trevor Francis).
“You do believe in the Lord Jesus Christ?” If not, please hear the stories, please hear of His deep, deep love. Make the choice to receive Him, His love is an ‘ocean full of blessing’ just like Samuel Francis expressed.
You do know that when you receive Him, it is recorded in God’s word that the angels in heaven rejoice, rejoice, and rejoice! And it is also known that here on earth there is freedom and forgiveness and newness of life!  One who is ‘poor in spirit’ discovers that ‘vast, unmeasured, and boundless, and free is that deep, deep love of Jesus, and it’s been waiting …for whoever will believe!

Today, Jesus speaks…

Everyone has an opinion. There is a lot going on in this world. People get angry because of ‘other’s beliefs’, they twist and trample, they push and yell. But God speaks, everyday! His Book is written. The most misunderstood of all men is the man, Jesus Christ. Today, we open The Book and let Jesus do the talking. TO him who has ears to hear, let him hear:
“By myself I can do nothing.
As I hear, I judge, and my judgment is true because I do not live to please myself but to do the will of the Father who sent me. You may say that I am bearing witness about myself, that therefore what I say about myself has no value, but I would remind you that there is one who witnesses about me and I know that his witness about me is absolutely true. You sent to John, and he testified to the truth.” (John 5:30-31, Phillips).
Do you remember what the testimony of John was? Here’s a refresher:
(John 1:32-34, Phillips) – Then John gave this testimony, “I have seen the Spirit come down like a dove from Heaven and rest upon him. Indeed, it is true that I did not recognise him by myself, but he who sent me to baptise with water told me this: ‘The one on whom you will see the Spirit coming down and resting is the man who baptises with the Holy Spirit!’ Now I have seen this happen and I declare publicly before you all that he is the Son of God.!”
 1:35-36 – On the following day John was again standing with two of his disciples. He looked straight at Jesus as he walked along, and said, “There is the lamb of God!”

Back to Jesus and the words which flowed from His mouth:
“Not that it is man’s testimony that I accept – I only tell you this to help you to be saved. John certainly was a lamp that burned and shone, and for a time you were willing to enjoy the light that he gave. But I have a higher testimony than John’s. The work that the Father gave me to complete, yes, these very actions which I do are my witness that the Father has sent me. This is how the Father who has sent me has given his own personal testimony to me.” (John 5:35-36, Phillips).
So what was ‘the work’ so far? Well, just from the one account, up to chapter 5 in the Book of John, it is recorded that:
-Jesus ‘saw’ Nathaniel ‘under the fig tree’ even when He was too far to physically ‘see’ Nathaniel.
-Jesus had the empty waterpots filled to the brim with water, and when they were served to the master of the wedding feast, it was wine of the best sort!
-Jesus stood up to the Temple priests and turned over the money-changers’ tables and the tables of merchandise saying “Take these things away! Do not make My Father’s house a house of merchandise!” (John 2:16). And being challenged by what authority He had to do this,  Jesus answered the Jews, “Destroy this temple, and in three days I will raise it up.”(John 2:19). (This speaking of the future work of Jesus being put to death on the cross and in three days rising again! This spoken of in the presence of the religious leaders. Jesus speaks!)
-Jesus also spoke with Nicodemas at night…who said this about Jesus: “Rabbi, we know that You are a teacher come from God; for no one can do these signs that You do unless God is with him.”(John3:2). So Jesus taught Nicodemas, “Most assuredly, I say to you, unless one is born again, he cannot see the kingdom of God.” (John 3:3).  But The Pharisee, Nicodemus, a ruler of the Jews, he didn’t understand, “How can these things be?” he asked Jesus.
So Jesus answers, not just for Nic at night but for you and me in dark places with questions. Jesus gave him the theme of His whole Story:  “For God loved the world so much that he gave his only Son, so that every one who believes in him shall not be lost, but should have eternal life.”(John 3:16, Phillips). Listen very carefully now, Jesus has more to say.
“Be quiet everyone with your opinions! Be quiet about your take on things, Jesus is talking:
“You must understand that God has not sent his Son into the world to pass sentence upon it, but to save it – through him. Any man who believes in him is not judged at all.”(John 3:17, Phillips).
And if you don’t believe that is true, in the very next chapter of the Book, , Jesus is in the presence with …a Samaritan. (Well, today, think of someone that you absolutely ‘hate’ and view as ‘evil’ and listen to how Jesus spoke with the woman:
“Please give me a drink,” Jesus said to her, for his disciples had gone away to the town to buy food. The Samaritan woman said to him, “How can you, a Jew, ask for a drink from me, a woman of Samaria?” (For Jews have no dealings with Samaritans.)
“If you knew what God can give,” Jesus replied, “and if you knew who it is that said to you, ‘Give me a drink’, I think you would have asked him, and he would have given you living water!”
“Sir,” said the woman, “you have nothing to draw water with and this well is deep – where can you get your living water? Are you a greater man than our ancestor, Jacob, who gave us this well, and drank here himself with his family, and his cattle?”
 Jesus said to her, “Everyone who drinks this water will be thirsty again. But whoever drinks the water I will give him will never be thirsty again. For my gift will become a spring in the man himself, welling up into eternal life.”
 The woman said, “Sir, give me this water, so that I may stop being thirsty – and not have to come here to draw water any more!”
 “Go and call your husband and then come back here,” said Jesus to her. “I haven’t got a husband!” the woman answered. “You are quite right in saying, ‘I haven’t got a husband’,” replied Jesus, “for you have had five husbands and the man you have now is not your husband at all. Yes, you spoke the simple truth when you said that.”
The woman didn’t feel condemned, NO! She felt in AWE! AWE of Jesus and His gentleness, His graciousness. Can you hear the tone in His voice? His voice, His voice! He is THE VOICE:
Jesus speaks: “Believe me, …the time is coming when worshipping the Father will not be a matter of ‘on this hill-side’ or ‘in Jerusalem’. Nowadays you are worshipping with your eyes shut… Yet the time is coming, yes, and has already come, when true worshippers will worship in spirit and in reality. Indeed, the Father looks for men who will worship him like that. God is spirit, and those who worship him can only worship in spirit and in reality.” (John 4:21,23, Phillips).
The Samaritan woman, despised by all the jews around, and perhaps even the people in her area, she responds to Jesus: “Of course I know that Messiah is coming, you know, the one who is called Christ. When he comes he will make everything plain to us.”
And Jesus speaks and reveals Himself to the outcast woman on this very day: “I am Christ speaking to you now,” said Jesus. (JOHN 4:25,26, Phillips). Jesus speaks, yes, to an outcast, to one who is lost and alone, Jesus speaks:
“I am Christ speaking to you now.”
Jesus was right saying that the ‘works’ testify to who He is! Can you hear Him speaking? It’s so much different from the view of everyone around. We might cry: “What’s going on today?” Actually, the answer is: “Nothing different from the days Jesus walked the earth.”
So at times, we feel ‘paralyzed’ by all the evil things going on, and the addictions, and the sickness, and the hatred, and the warring. But if you keep reading the Story, the very next chapter, Jesus speaks to a paralytic. Oh yes, and this guy was probably real discouraged, but Jesus, He speaks:
 “Do you want to get well again?” (Can you hear Him? He has such a gentle voice.)
 “Sir,” replied the sick man, “I just haven’t got anybody to put me into the pool when the water is all stirred up. While I’m trying to get there somebody else gets down into it first.” “Get up,” said Jesus, “pick up your bed and walk!”  Later Jesus found him in the Temple and said to him, “Look: you are a fit man now. Do not sin again or something worse might happen to you!” (John 5:8,14 Phillips). Yes, Jesus speaks to us all!
Until now, God is working-Jesus Himself has said: “My Father has been working until now, and I have been working.” (John 5:17).
In only 5 chapter, amazing testimony is given about the ‘work’ that Jesus was given to do by His Father. Jesus speaks.
You pore over the scriptures for you imagine that you will find eternal life in them. And all the time they give their testimony to me!” (John 5:37-39, Phillips).
“But you are not willing to come to me to have real life!” (John 5:40, Phillips). (Please, let it not be said of us who are listening!)
“Men’s approval or disapproval means nothing to me,…” (John 5:41, Phillips).
“… but I can tell that you have none of the love of God in your hearts. I have come in the name of my Father and you will not accept me. Yet if another man comes simply in his own name, you will accept him.”(John 5: 42,43, Phillips).
” How on earth can you believe while you are for ever looking for each other’s approval and not for the glory that comes from the one God?” (John 5:44, Phillips).
Jesus speaks. His words are clear. They aren’t easy, but they are True! Let’s stop looking around for ‘each other’s approval’ and instead be about our business and giving glory to Him! How? By getting to know Him, more and more,and more and more by hearing His voice. Jesus speaks the Way. And yes, spending time with Him, truly He is the Life!
God make us hungry for Your word, longing to hear Your Voice!

Searching again for something of worth…no, it's not the phone!

I am posting this again, to continue to search for something worthwhile!

When your phone is lost- what do you do? Yes, you stop everything and think and begin searching!And search you do- until you find it!
After my first chemo treatment, I felt kicked real hard! These can be confusing times, and I just felt like I was searching, searching for answers, searching for hope. But I had friends encourage me in many ways. My friend Joan encouraged me with pearl stories. I will tell you one in my own words:
Well, in Matthew 13:45,46, there is a story that Jesus tells about someone who is searching as well. Yes, searching for something very, very valuable. The someone happens to be a pearl merchant and he is looking for only choice, beautiful pearls.He was on the lookout for quality treasure, he wasn’t swayed by just any pretty round gem; he was looking to invest in the best. When this pearl merchant finally found a pearl of great value, he sold everything he owned and bought the precious pearl! He didn’t hesitate to pay full retail price- to go after it sacrificing all.
Today, we spend  a lot of time and energy on what is very important, and we are busy with our work, with keeping our schedules, with school, with recreation, and needless to say, there really isn’t time to find a choice pearl, won’t a fake one do?
Well, it is when you are sitting in an infusion chair getting chemo dripped into your body, or when you go through some other crisis,  that the ‘counterfeit pearls’ just won’t do. All of a sudden when your world comes crashing down and God allows things in your life to come to a halt- when the stillness settles in, all of these very important things aren’t the most important things anymore.
All of a sudden you become a ‘pearl merchant’ on the lookout for choice pearls. Amazing how God can cause a room full of ‘grief and pain’ to be a place of true hope because many of us are searching and looking for something of worth here,and we have the time  to  actually discover, once again, this Pearl of Great Worth!  The Pearl  is Jesus. And it is ‘then ‘when we discover real treasure and we are finally ready to ‘sell all that we have’ so to speak to buy that most precious Pearl!
It is then that we start buying up each opportunity to draw near to Him, the Pearl of Great Worth. Obtain TRUTH at all costs. Then never relinquish it at any price. The truth is as beautiful as a Pearl, the truth is God loves you. (Prov. 23, “The LORD is a strong tower. The righteous run to Him and are safe.”)
Oh, wait, was that my phone ringing?

"When I grow up, I want to be a…

“When I grow up, I want to be…
“a princess”, “a knight”!
Oh, how precious it is to see the little ones in their ‘play clothes’ of satin and lace and jewels and their tierras, and as the ‘little gents’ gird up their swords, and wave them so to ‘fight the enemy’! “Be as a child” we are encouraged in the Bible. Be as a child…
The children dream. They are there, all dressed up – they ARE a princess, and yes, they ARE the knight! Our eyes watch the children with smiles. Our eyes delight in the beauty of simplicity to believe and their spirit of total delight!
Our Father’s eyes are on His children. Oh yes, they are on you and me. He has called me and He has called you, He has said, “Come now, let us reason together,” Says the LORD, Though your sins are like scarlet, They shall be as white as snow; Thou they are crimson, they shall be as wool…” (Isaiah 1:18). He looks passed all the mess and truth about the ‘natural’ me, and He takes my ‘old garments’ and He clothes me in His Righteousness, when I come to Him willingly. Oh yes, He does. It’s the beauty of it all, the miraculous, gracious beauty of it all!
My sins were as scarlet, but He has made them ‘white as snow’ and He has covered me in His love. No one else could take my filthy garments, but the King of Kings… He was willing, He did leave His throne, for you and for me:
“Thou camest, O Lord, with the living word That should set Thy people free; But with mocking scorn and with crown of thorn They bore You to Calvary….Thou Didst leave Thy throne and Thy kingly crown When Thou camest to earth for me, But in Bethlehem’s home was there found no room For Thy holy nativity.o come to my heart Lord Jesus: There is room in my heart for Thee!” ( Thou Didst Leave Thy Throne, by Emily Elliott, 1864).

“There’s room in my heart for Thee! There’s room in my heart for Thee!” His Bride’s heart dances, His children take courage… we can say from the depth of our being : “I am Yours and You are mine!” ‘I am my Beloved’s and He is mine. “He brought me to the banqueting house, and his banner over me was love – for love waved as a protecting and comforting banner over my head when I was near Him.” (Song of Sol. 2:4,Amplified).
The Love of my King, it makes me to sing. Out of His mouth comes grace and from His lips flow mercy. He is clothed with majesty, yet He …
He left His throne and His kingly crown when He came down to earth for me. His song to me is like no other, you have heard it, no?
“You are fair, my love, and there is no spot in you… You have ravished my heart, My sister, My spouse, You have ravished my heart With one look of your eyes, with one link of your necklace. How fair is your love, My sister, My spouse!”;Song of Songs 4:7,8).
Because His loved has ravished my heart, He has taken my filthy garments and clothed me in white! I fancy a ‘playful’ childlike spirit! Come join me and discover a ‘joy anew’ somewhat like a child we see in their garb! Let’s love the Lord, who came down for us, and be ‘worshipers’ now and forever!
When I ‘grow up(!)’, Lord Jesus, in You, I want to be a worshiper, a worshiper to Thee – for now into all of eternity!
“I come to my heart, Lord Jesus. There is room in my heart for Thee!”

Praise before and 'in' the battle!

“Take a breath and make a sacrifice… of praise.”
These are the words that I tell myself, often. It’s the overriding theme, it’s the same message. It’s part of the ‘will of God for me’, especially because God put on my heart as a life verse, “Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks, for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.” 1 Thes. 5:16,17,18.
The reason I say, take a breath and make a ‘sacrifice of praise’ is because the other overriding theme to my life is – “BUT, I don’t feel like it, not right NOW at least, how can I praise when there’s so much going on?”
When things just don’t make sense, and I’m trying to gather some ‘control’, and God allows things to be ‘torn down’, or noisy, or messy, or misunderstood, or just plain ‘bad’, the last thing I want to do – is to praise Him. The ‘natural’ tendency for man is to become discouraged in heart and to ‘fret!’
But the Father has inspired His word in His Book, in HisStory to bring me and you, focus in our chaos. He speaks clearly:
“Do not fret…!” Ps. 37:1.
God’s word is so straight forward!
And what seems impossible for me, He reminds me IS possible with Him’, He gently reminds me of a portion of my ‘life verse’: “Rejoice Always,…”Toni’. “For My grace is sufficient.” ( 2 Cor. 12:9). Pray without ceasing… ( 1 Thess. 5:17),My daughter, my Bride…”(Song of Solomon).”Continually ‘cast all your cares upon Me’ (1 Peter 5:7). Are you believing ‘I care for you? Can you trust Me…even in this? Even in THIS, can you trust Me?”
This is when the area of ‘choice’ comes into play. All of a sudden, the ‘ball is back in my court.’ “Toni, will you choose ‘faith’ or will you choose ‘fear and flesh’! Take a breath of faith, let go of the fear!
So, when we are the most pitiful of all, but even making some ‘sacrifice’ to acknowledge God, somehow, the Lord touches us there like never before, and somehow breathes in us some unexplainable life that helps us to even take that breath of faith and make a sacrifice of praise.
This is the awesome work of the Holy Spirit- who dwells in those who have ‘asked Him in!’
“Praise be to God because He lives, I can face tomorrow! The Lord reigns, let the earth REJOICE! God is on the throne! He knows all that is going on! ”
Praise ‘in’ the battle restores…
Because He abides and dwells in our praises, and in His presence is fullness of joy! It all sounds so simple… If only we are willing to…
Bring a sacrifice of praise! The reward is great when we make that choice. The reward is greater than great! He restores in us a hope that, yes, He allowed a ‘tearing or breaking down,’ but He also promised that there would be a building up! God takes off the ‘fret-ful garments and clothes us a-new when we make this sacrifice:
He gives a garment of praise for a spirit of heaviness’, Isaiah 61:3).

Praise it will be ‘in’ the waiting, and in the battle! Praise is the choice and the sacrifice I choose. I have no words of my own, so the Psalms will be my sacrificial tone:
“Oh GOD, You are my God; early will I seek You; My soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water. So I have looked for You in the sanctuary, to see Your power and Your glory.

Because Your loving kindness is better than life , my lips shall praise You… When I remember You on my bed, I meditate on You in the night watches. Because You have been my help, Therefore…
In the shadow of Your wings I will rejoice…”(Psalm 63:1-3,6,7).
“Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, in everything give thanks,”for this is God’s will for you right now, make that sacrifice! It’s so worth it!

My morning song…

The Lord is my Shepherd – He loves me like no other. There is no love on earth like His. He cherishes me. He adores me. He is on my side. His love is patient and kind toward me, always and forever. He never changes. There are no conditions…He loves me so completely, and when I abide in His love, ‘pickled with His affection’, I suffer no lack, no lack at all. His Spirit fills me with a morning song.
He is my Husband, in heaven it is true, but He pours out His unconditional love on me and showers me from head to toe and deep within with His grace so sufficient. He lifts me on ‘eagles wings’, with no strings attached to His house of love. He makes me to dwell in His house of love, even though my feet still walk among the thorns, even though my feet still walk among the thorns,…
when I abide in HIs love, I suffer no lack, no lack at all. This is my morning song.
Even when I walk in cold and dark places, I shall not want because the Lord is my Shepherd, He cares for me. He takes hold of me with His right hand. He guides me with counsel unlike another. He delights in me and will show me the way. So I ‘turn to kiss’ my Shepherd King, I turn to give Him my love. And though my ‘heart and flesh fail’ often, He receives me still. He receives me still. The Lord is my Shepherd, He laid down His life for me. I have all that I need,…today, I have all that I need. This is my morning song.
By evening, I might not be singing this beautiful song. But You love me still. You love me still. Help me to abide in Your house of love, and Be Still. But if not, You ‘make me to lie down’, because of Your all-knowing love and then I discover the pastures of green are a peace beyond my comprehension, and I see two companions You’ve given to me, Goodness and Mercy and they follow me. My Jesus, I love You, more than any other. My Husband, my Friend, You are always with me, sticking closer than even a brother.
There is nothing I need as I abide in Your Love. Will You keep me, and not let me stray far away. Help me remember, though just a sheep I am -help me keep singing my love songs to You – morning, and evening, and all the day through.

Where is the love?

These aren’t easy words to say and mean with all your heart, especially when talking to God the Father, who art in heaven: “Search me, [thoroughly], O God, and know my heart! Try me, and know my thoughts! And see if there is any wicked way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.”(Psalm 139:23,24, Amplified).
Search my thoughts? Do You see them O Lord? I know that You do, You see them…The problem Lord, is…
I don’t see them completely. I mislead myself and believe things that aren’t true, but You SEE my thoughts.
You know that my heart, (as well as all the hearts of the children of men), is ‘deceitful and wicked’. In fact, Your word (Amplified) even tells us: “The heart is deceitful above all things, and it is exceedingly perverse and corrupt and severely, mortally sick! Who can know it [perceive, understand, be acquainted with his own heart and mind]?(Jeremiah 17:9).
It is even too much for us to know ourselves. But You? You know it, “For there is not a word in my tongue [still unuttered], but, lo, O Lord, You know it altogether.” (Psalm 139:4,Amplified).
We fancy ourselves, we become ‘knowledgeable’, but – O God! You know the ‘words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart’, (Psalm 19:14). You know that often times, they are not ‘pleasing in Your sight!’
But God, Your eyes are ever – present. You KNOW… I have forever made a mess of things and have started many a ‘fire’ with the fierceness of my tongue. And ‘You know it altogether.’
You, ‘know it altogether, and yet You still say, “I lay down my life for the sheep.” (John 10:17). You knew what You were doing when you likened us as ‘sheep’ Lord. We are not too smart at times. We get ourselves in big messes wanting what belongs to the neighbor sheep, or, thinking we are the Big Sheep in the Pack, or, going off ‘alone’ because we don’t need a Shepherd anyway, we fight each other and ‘butt’ heads, we drink filthy water unless protected, we forget…love. We forget to love.
But God, when we genuinely TRY to love, that’s even messy! It still ends up being about ‘me, myself, and I’ (the trinity to stupidity). Is there any hope? WHERE IS THE LOVE?
For me, it’s like a mountain, to simply, ‘love one another! But for You O LORD, You are Love. For You, these mountains are NOTHING! As it is written in the Song of Songs, “The voice of my beloved! Behold, He comes Leaping upon the mountains. Skipping upon the hills.” (Song of Songs 2:8).
You love, God, because Your very nature is love. But for me, naturally, I DO NOT ‘skip and leap upon these mountains!’
I have no love apart from You!
You know this. And You ‘suffer long’ in waiting for me to know this.
Is there any hope? Where is the Love?
“Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us,”…God’s word encourages, “…for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.”(Romans 5:5, Amplified).

“But there is forgiveness with You, That You may be feared.” (Psalm 130:4). “If You should mark iniquities, O Lord, who could stand?”(Ps. 130:3).

You took the stripes upon Your back for my mess, my sin, and for all the ‘fires of the tongue’ I have started. You prayed to Your Father in heaven, and accepted to be broken for me when You prayed, “Father, if it  is Your will , remove this cup from Me; Nevertheless not My will but Yours, be done.” Luke 22:42.
Even though it was my crime and not Your own. Your own blood was spilled, not mine. Pain flooded through Your body, for me. Your heart broke in love.
Where is the love?
“He was despised and rejected and forsaken by men, a Man of sorrows and pains, and acquainted with grief and sickness; and as one from Whom men hide their faces He was despised, and we did not appreciate His worth or have any esteem for Him.”
“Surely He has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows and pain [of punishment]. Yet we ignorantly considered Him stricken, smitten and afflicted by God [as if with leprosy]. But He was wounded for our transgressions, He was bruised for our iniquities; the chastisement needful to obtain peace and well-being for us…”
“…was upon Him.” (Isaiah 53:3-6, Amplified).
There is none like You Lord Jesus, there is none like You. In all the world, there is none like You! Heaven came down to show me, and to show you, when we are so broken and tired of all that is going on, and sick of our own ‘lack of love’ – heaven came down to show us Love.
and some of His final words here on this thorny earth that He walked, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” (Luke 23:34).
“Lord, I’m going to mess up still.”
God lovingly answers His messy ol’ sheep: “My grace is sufficient.”
With this small sheep brain, I ask:”Where do I get the love?
His simple reply: “The fruit of the Spirit is love.”(Gal. 5:22).
My response to the voice of the Lord: “Fill me with Your Spirit Lord, today, today, TODAY!”
“Dwell in Me and I will dwell in you. Live in Me and I will live in you. Just as no branch can bear fruit of itself without abiding in (vitally united to) the vine, neither can you bear fruit unless you abide in Me.” John 15:4.

“Help me in my weakness, Lord! Give me hope always…”
“While we were yet in weakness – powerless to help ourselves – at the fitting time Christ died for (in behalf of) the ungodly.” (Romans 5:6).”Such hope never disappoints or deludes or shames us, for God’s love has been poured out in our hearts through the Holy Spirit Who has been given to us.”
(Romans 5:5).
“Forgive me Lord for my pride. Fill me with Your Holy Spirit each and every day – no, each and every MOMENT!  Help me love In You -search me O God, each and every day… and lead me in Your Ways,” In Jesus Name, AMEN

Today, I tell part of my cancer story…

The fact that this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and there is a lot of discussion about it, I would like to share a little part of my ‘cancer story’. I am 4 years out now and I am very thankful for every breath God allows me to take. I just pray that each day God gives me He fills me with His love and that He is my vision always-“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

What if I didn't bring my guitar that day?

“What if I didn’t bring my guitar on that day?” It’s ‘outside the box’ to bring a guitar in the hospital, but God had me bring it often, with a few particular songs to sing, every time I visited Jenny -whether at home or in the hospital. We all understand when professional musicians carry their instruments to ‘scheduled’ performances, and oh how we enjoy those moments when we are brought together for those monumental performances-yet, God,
the Great Conductor orchestrates ‘monumental moments’ when we yield to His leading. I must record this moment in that God wants me to remember the very last song we sang…
First, the ‘we’- Jenny and myself and my friend Gail and a man from Jenny’s church. Second, ‘the moment – Jenny, the friend God gave me to help lift my ‘pity-ful’ thoughts out of the ash heap to soar in a sky of blue. Yes, the friend who suffered so many great losses, even the loss and ability to feel or move any muscle below her neck for close to 6 years. Yes – Jenny was paralyzed within a 24 hour period from some unknown ‘virus’ at the age of 35, completely from the neck down!
(Take a moment and imagine losing the feeling and ability to move anything below your neck for even one day, let alone almost 6 years!) Anyway, back to the moment- God knew – but we didn’t- that this moment in time was to be our last day to talk and sing. This moment after being in the hospital almost 3months, separated from her home and her loved ones so much of the time, this young 40 year old woman beamed with joy when I pulled out my ‘baby Taylor’ to play the hymn, “My Jesus, I Love Thee.”
This was no performance to be remembered for perfection, but this was a moment of precious and purest of praises. None of us knew this would be the last song. But God did. And unless I write this down today and record this moment, it might be forgotten, but God wants me to remember…
He wants me to remember so I can be reminded forever that He is in control. He is the Great Conductor. God knew that about 15 hours later, Jenny would suffer lack of oxygen and go into a coma for a short time, before going on home to Him. God’s the only One who knew, but we can know the song…we can know the song that she had on her mind, because we sang it together on that day, and God was with us because He inhabits pure praise:
“My Jesus I love Thee; I know Thou art mine. for Thee all the follies of sin I resign. My gracious Redeemer, My Savior art Thou. If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, ’tis now. (William R. Featherston)
To think that the ‘Great Conductor’ had Jenny and I reading together the last few visits in the Song of Songs, the Song of Solomon where we both discovered just how great His love is for us. We sang the words, “I know Thou art mine” in a most deep and rich way. Like two school girls that had been ‘kissed’ by Jesus:
“Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold you are fair! You have dove’s eyes…” (Song of Sol. 1:15). ”
 We had read also, “The voice of my beloved! Behold He comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills…behold He stands behind our wall; He is looking through the windows, Gazing through the lattice. My beloved spoke to me: “Rise up, my love,my fair one, And come away. For lo,
the winter is past, The rain is over and gone. the flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come…” (Song of Sol 2:8-10).
We sang on that monumental day: “I love Thee, Because Thou hast first loved me, And purchased my pardon On Calvary’s tree. I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow, If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, tis now.”
Jenny and I, through our time together were touched by the Lord. He knows about our thorns. He told us so, “Like a lily among thorns, So is my love among the daughters.” (Song of Sol 2:1). So we sang with such depth of meaning the words, “I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow,...” and we meant every word as we sang, “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus,tis now.”

These were not just words, they were spirit and we were worshiping our Lord in Spirit and in Truth and He was with us on that monumental day. He inhabited that amazing praise!
As time goes by, I don’t want to forget, so write I will, and when I sing this hymn, I always remember this day. The next two verses are so amazing, in that of all the hymns, this is the one that God chose for me to bring. God is in control, if you aren’t sure, read these words aloud as well, as we sang aloud that precious day:
“I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death. And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath; And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow, “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus ’tis now.” Only God knew that the last breaths were approaching.
But this brings me the greatest of comfort, that God chose this song, because I will always wonder, “Lord, was Jenny hearing this song in her coma? So much mystery that only You know, Lord.”
But here are the words of the last verse we sang, so amazing, beyond glorious -truly God’s on the Throne: “In mansions of glory And endless delight, I’ll ever adore Thee In heaven so bright. I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow, “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, ’tis now.”
I’m thankful that God had me bring my guitar that day, I’m thankful for the song He chose. TO think that He was willing to wear that crown of thorns so we could wear a ‘glittering crown on our brows’! And when we get there, we will lay those crowns down at the feet of Him who loves us so.
So, if God has you go ‘outside the box’ and grab that hymn book, psalm, or even to grab that guitar ,to bring to someone whose been broken,  you might just witness, as I did that day, a monumental moment that you will  record in the journal of your heart, that God supernaturally heals you all, with His presence – you all have joy, no matter what happened or is going to transpire, God has a plan, and it’s something we can hold on to!
Lord, I miss Jenny so much. But I thank You that she is whole and alive forevermore. Soon and very soon we will be together again. Thank You for her life. Thank You for Yours! “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, ’tis now.”