Long and overdue, Honor for you, Mom

Mom, this is a letter of honor for you. Yes, long overdue. Oh, there were small moments of honor, but over-all, as a child and even as a young woman, I struggled to be honoring.

If I could have spent more time thinking on the good things and good reports. But my brain was prone to think on the lack, the imperfections, the cracks and nicks. Why did it take me so many years to understand that all this is part of my battle with sin.

I suppose the most relieving part, is, this is everyone’s battle, day in and day out. There is no escaping it, in our own strength. There’s only so far you can go with “the power of positive thinking.”

If I could have actually put in practice, “Do to mother, what you would have her do to you.” I might have, in the process, learned a thing or two about honoring you.

I was not your easy, compliant child. No, I was hard-headed, stubborn, temperamental, and angry. So much so, that being my last name was Born, you would often joke that my middle name was Stub. Toni Stub-Born.

Did I ever say “I’m sorry,” for all my Stub-Born-ness?  Well, “I’m sorry mom.”
I have a few “snapshot” memories. I was six or so, and I needed my tonsils out.

I remember crying and carrying on with loud cries and tears because I DID NOT want to go in some room that seemed to be a community room with lots of kids and parents. No!

I remember being put in a private-type room. And then after surgery, I was surrounded by stuffed animals, a new tooth brush, and tons of attention. Did I think I was a princess?

Yes, I believed I was a princess.

Another snapshot memory is the huge scene I made about “hating” my brand-new, (very fine, I might add), genuine leather sandals you bought for me and presented to me the day and moments before leaving for the Barnum and Bailey Circus, the Greatest Show on Earth.

I made a scene, almost to the point of missing the circus. But I wore the shoes, somehow, (I’m sure with great aggravation and struggle on your part), and forgot all about them after being struck with awe and wonder of the Three Rings, the lights and sparkle, the stilts, the elephants, the horses.

Did I realize that not every child had the opportunity to see the Barnum and Bailey Circus? Did I ever say I’m sorry for carrying on?

I’m sorry mom. And, thanks for taking me to the circus. I still remember it today, along with the leather sandals. I remember really liking them as time went on.

I didn’t have a thankful heart. I didn’t naturally think on the good and wonderful things you did for me. Instead, I was critical and had blaming thoughts.

Mom, I’m truly sorry for all this. Why’d it take 57 years for me to say this? You spent time with me to teach me to sew. And you were the one to introduce me to Calligraphy pens. You spent time with me giving me instruction in how to use them well.

To think Mom, it was you who put the seed in me for Calligraphy. I included a handful of the beautiful script that continually flows from my kids.

Thank you.

What about the music lessons? The painful moments listening to me sing. Then the huge investment in voice lessons. All for me. Mom, thank you for investing in me. Singing, playing instruments, teaching others the joy of playing. This is so much of my life today. All because you and dad invested in me.

Thank you. Thank you.

And the dance lessons at the Glenda Falk Studio. It was like a second home. You and dad flipped the bill. Endless hours dancing giving me the heart to dream for a future of musical comedy.

Thank you Mom.

And remember, after your rare trip to NYC, when you brought home the album for “A Chorus Line.” Forget about it, I had a dream to go to NYC and audition for that show. And I did!

I wasn’t cast, but it’s crazy to actually think of all that now.

You were an example of taking healthy herbs and living in moderation. But there was not a moderate bone in my body. I was a powerhouse of energy and  hard-headedness, smart, opinionated, and, . . . how you must have cringed at all my hidden insecurities.

I will write now, something I’ve never spoken aloud, but I remember at age 6 or 7, when I drank from my first Coke-a-cola, in the small glass bottle. Like a magnet, the sugar had a grip on me.

What’s all that about? It was an impulsive-compulsiveness growing inside of me, (probably from the day I was born, only to learn later, we’re all born with a bent to sin). Well, you watched it. The craziness of an eating disorder throughout my high school years, and sad to say, it wasn’t until I was 20  before I could finally admit I had a serious problem.

I didn’t know how to eat. I would eat anything and think, “I ate too much,” only to then binge and eat the entire box! Or, I would look in the mirror and think, “I’m so fat.” An insanity was growing inside my mind.
But underneath all that eating and binging, exercising and dance class madness, were huge insecurities, negative thoughts, and an internal angry mess.

I was searching spiritually in High-School, and God was watching me.

I remember looking into the huge, vast, Arizona sky, (because there weren’t huge trees to block the view, just a Saguaro Cactus or so), and “talking to God.”

He heard me.

He sent my dance teacher, my Key Club friends, kids from cheer and FCA to be a witness to me. I made some efforts of change trying to get religion. Doing this thing and that, but it was all effort without . . .

. . . my whole heart. I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus, I was inwardly a mess, still the pilot of my ship.

But no-one could tell, it was all hidden inside.

I auditioned for the American Academy Arts. I got accepted and off I went to the big CA! I did fine for a few years, setting goals and moving forward. Musicals, Summer Stock, in my own energy and strength, and outward courage, after my Exam Plays at the California school, I asked to transfer, if accepted to the  American Academy of Dramatic Arts, NY School.

I was able to say, “American Academy of Dramatic Arts NYC, Here I come.”

An Arizona girl in the big NYC. The dream to dance and study voice and act- Yes, I was living a dream!

But mom, as time went on,I couldn’t overcome my eating disorder. It got so much worse.

No one could really tell from the outside. This was a hidden struggle.

 

The insecurities mounted. The anger. The fear. I couldn’t fly home. I had to get it right, right there.

I was reading “Out on a Limb,” by Shirley MacClaine. I sought New Age wisdom, only to be left short of any victory to overcome my compulsive, self-destructive behavior.

My life had become unmanageable.

I needed a Savior. And God found me and He rescued me, in the big NYC. You see, an alcoholic can do a twelve step program and stop drinking, but with eating disorders, you’ve got to learn to eat.

God helped me, to literally, eat. First, through 12 steps, and then continually to learn Who it was that I “made the decision to turn my will and my life over to His care.”

The Bible became my main read!

I was His girl, and He was always with me. He helped me conquer and heal completely my angers, day by day, and my insecurities. I often would think, because this was in that era, of Karen Carpenter, who didn’t get the help in time. That reminded me, this is important.

I gave my life to Jesus, He helped me to finally stand on my own two feet.
Anger was my real issue, and moment by moment, with my mind in His word, my heart seeking His way, and the Spirit leading, He helped me overcome addiction.

He’s still helping me.

So, Mom, I suppose in honoring you today, I write what seems to be a book. A thousand words, plus, but it’s time mom.

And I wanted you to know all this.

And you know, this NYC girl was never going to get married or have kids, (before this change and new relationship with the Lord and allowing Him to pilot my ship).

God had plans unlike mine. He had me meet Mike, and showed me, “This is the one.”

We married and  had a few children, . . . or eleven.

I know, you thought your girl had lost her mind. Yes, quite frankly. But they’re all your grand-kids!

As a mom, I try to do my best, and mom, you did your best too. So I want to say today, I’m sorry for all the grief I caused your heart. And thank you, from the bottom of my heart for your love and your endless support.

I could write so much more, but bottom line, it’s long over-due, mom. “Thank you.”

I hope you are blessed as you watch our kids grow. And I hope your heart swells a bit  knowing you started the Calligraphy trend, many years ago, when you took the time to teach me how to use a Calligraphy pen.

I’m thankful, that even though I moved away from AZ at 18, social media helps us share pictures and moments, and we don’t have to feel so far away.

I love you mom. I honor you, hopefully better everyday.

Your far-away, and (thankfully) a bit less hard-headed and stubborn girl,

Toni

 

 

For ‘Now and Again, Letter #3, She was running

Dear Girls,

This is letter #3 about your mom. I’m sure your heart breaks in many ways at times when you think of her.

The huge disabilities. With absolutely no ability to serve her girls cake on your birthdays. Unable to pick up a pencil to show you how to do the math problem. Or clap when you swam your best in the pool.

The tears that must have flowed from her eyes when she badly wanted to give you hugs.

But, I want your thoughts to be wonderful of your mom, not filled will sadness. So, I share this letter with you.

You may wonder, “How  did it come about that Ms. Toni would come once in a while and bring songs to your house.”

Your mom welcomed the songs and the music. They were a joy to her heart.

Her respirator alarm would go off while she was singing, but she sang anyway with all her breath.

And with the respirator, it was limited.But she sang with all her heart. God has a promise about that:

You will seek Me and find Me when you seek Me with all your heart.”Jer. 29:13.

God knew we needed each other, at this time of our lives. How I loved your mom.

I think of her often, her attitude, her faith.

The elders from the church came to anoint her with oil and pray the prayer of healing over her in the name of Jesus. That’s what we were all waiting for.

We all know the stories. We’ve heard them, they were taught to us, when Peter said, “Silver and gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk!”(Acts 3:6). And we know that he took the man by the right hand and helped him up and the man’s feet and ankles became strong.

Your mom had faith to believe she would walk again, day in and day out.

We picture all this in our minds, that “He jumped to his feet and began to walk.”(Acts. 3:8).  And we can see them as well, “walking and leaping and praising God” (Acts. 3:8), into the temple.

Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God,” (Rom. 10:17).

Your mom had believing faith.

She told me, when forced to go to the hospital because the Home Heath Care had expired,  “I’m going to walk out of this hospital.”

Tears did flow from her eyes. I know. I had to wipe those precious tears and cry with her a time or two.

Incredibly, with her very next breath, she would say in that sweet, whispery voice, “God is working. He’s going to do something amazing real soon!”

Well, guess what? God did answer that prayer the elders prayed. Your mom was healed of everything. Everything spiritually and emotionally.

So let me tell you the story, so you can read it now and again, the day your mama was running.

Well, since God had set it all up, that your mom and I would meet two times a week while she lay motionless on a bed for weeks.

We were living the Word. It was really precious: Yep, we would Sing to Him, sing psalms to Him; and talk of all His wondrous works, Psalm 105:2, and we would Seek the LORD and His strength; and Seek His face evermore.”,Ps. 105:4.

And we read the Song of Solomon together. So, going on a journey of the Song of all songs we began. Let me tell you, God was working, and He was doing something amazing everyday.
So, you see, I brought to the hospital along with my ‘Baby guitar’ my Jon Courson’s Application Commentary, Old Testament, Volume 2.

We discovered the King’s love for His maiden, (or Jesus’ love for you and me and for all the “whosoevers spoken of in John 3:16), and we felt like two schoolgirls together with giant ‘crushes’ on…Jesus.

Your mom and I were so enraptured like never before by the Love of our Bridegroom Jesus, how even though we were messed up and ‘dark’ with sin, (Song of Solomon 1:6), and we felt He shouldn’t look at us, the King said,
“I have compared you, O my love, to a company of horses in Pharaoh’s chariots.” Song of Sol. 1:9.

Our King, our Love compares us to  His prize possessions, (not a mule or donkey), and He says,
“Your cheeks are lovely with ornaments, Your neck with chains of gold. We will make you ornaments, [braids] of gold…”(Song of Sol. 1:9-11).

The commentary told us that the King’s maidens wore headdresses with jewels and the “We will make you ornaments . . .” reminds us of the Trinity, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit.

Jon Courson then explained this verse, “We will make you ornaments, or braids of gold “, like this: “When we wonder what the Lord is doing during times of trial  and testing, He is braiding us – His gold- through hard times of pounding and beating and shaping.” “What right does He have to pound on me and to beautify me in that way?” you ask.””

He said, “Read on.” So, read on we did. The song: “We will make you ornaments [braids] of gold with studs of silver.”(Song. of Sol. 1:9). Silver means redemption.  Then the song continues, “While the king is at his table, my spikenard sends forth its fragrance. A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me, That lies all night between my breasts. . .

And we remember,’myrrh’. It was the spice that was brought to Jesus when He was a baby. It’s a burial spice. And we know the Table, the Table of communion that reminds us of His love that was poured out. Jesus died.

“A bundle of myrrh is my beloved to me,” the song goes. Yes, we hold our Jesus close to our hearts. He loves us ultimately.

Your mama and I experienced a bit of heaven on that morning together. So much love was poured out in our hearts that morning. Your mom couldn’t hold anything in her arms, but we both held Jesus.

Let Him kiss me with the kisses of his mouth!

Jon Courson did a great job reminding us that “you cannot kiss two people on the lips at one time.”And we thought, “Hmmm, very true.”

 “Let Him kiss me with the kisses of His mouth for Your love is better than wine.”  And your mom and I learned that the word ‘wine’ in the Bible speaks of joy. So here in just the first two verses in the song this maiden is saying, “Lord, I am completely, absolutely, 100% Yours, and Your love is more to me than anything this world has to offer.”

I bet you are asking yourself, “Didn’t she mention ‘running’ in this letter? I am not seeing any ‘running!” You are right, but I had to get you ready for it.

Song of Solomon 1:4, “Draw me, and we will run after thee…”

Listen girls, spiritually and emotionally, on that day, together, I believe the Lord healed both of us emotionally.

Emotionally, Your mom wasn’t just walking and leaping, she was running.” We were both running after Jesus together.

God had drawn us both and we were running after Him. But I have to say, your mom was “smoking me” in that run to her Prince of Peace.

I know this is long, but you’ve got this for ‘now and again’ when you need to read about your amazing mom and what the Lord did for her mad me.

I write for you girls with great amounts of love. I pray that you may you be blessed, for now and again with these reminders.

Love,
Toni Rypkema

For Now and Again #2 Letters for Jenny’s girls…

Introduction: These letters are for Jenny’s girls. Who’s Jenny. (Read Remembering Jenny Pt.1.

Jenny was a swim mom who faced the crisis of becoming paralyzed, unable to move her arms, her legs, to breathe on her own. The first year was of facing the crisis, and all that entails for a family of 5,  learning to live in her new condition, remodeling the home, purchasing a wheel-chair accessible vehicle, and coming home to 24/7 home health care.

Growing in faith, in hope and love as she faced day in and day out for almost 6  years in this condition.

 

 

Dear girls, I share this letter with you, about a hero of mine, yes, happens to  your mom.

When I have a hard day and I feel the impulse to quit or be depressed, I think of your mom. Each morning she chose willingly. Presenting her body as a living sacrifice to God, (Romans 12:1). 

Unable to move a muscle, yet totally willing and trusting in God’s healing hand, over a very long period of time. We’re not talking weeks, or long months, we’re talking years.

You see, what made your mom so special was how she was thinking.

She must have wrestled with God, (ironic, someone who couldn’t move a muscle, but was all “life” in mind and heart).

Wrestling with God, she appeared to be one who prayed as Jacob: “I won’t let go until You bless me,”(Gen. 32:24).

Your mom told me the first time I came to the house to visit, after 5 years of being paralyzed: “I consider it a privilege that God would choose me to go through this, and put me in this chair.” (She had one special wheelchair.)

I almost think I should write the word Selah, meaning pause and think about this after this statement.  She used the word privilege when talking about being paralyzed from the neck down.  Needing assistance of a respirator to breathe. Privilege that she was chosen to suffer so much loss.

I am so sorry for all the loss you girls have had to experience as well. The hugs you will receive in heaven. They will never end.

Your mom also told me, “I always loved God, even from a young age, but since I’ve been ‘in the chair’  God is so close to me. The closeness is indescribable.” And there is huge evidence of this.

I would not be writing word after word if this were not so.

I truly believe that when I hear encouragement to have an intimate relationship with Jesus, I think of your mom and her relationship with Him.

The Bible tells us that He will keep you in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him (Is. 26:3).

Your mom’s mind was on god and His will and ways. She had a deep peace that passed all understanding, (Phil4).

These choices are noteworthy.

And when talking about the struggles in her marriage, (as, every married person has struggles in marriage), she never complained one bit.

Not one ounce, nada, nothing.

She simply asked me, “Have you ever read the book called  The Power of a Praying Wife?  Your mom was not able to run fast in body, but she quick to run to God in prayer.

And we had many opportunities to pray those wonderful prayers right from that book, because of your mom’s great disability, it seemed as if your mom had these prayers memorized. 

God was using your mom to help me in so many ways.

And when things weren’t really going her way, while waiting in a hospital bed for week upon week, unable to find health care to get back home,

“Can we pray that when Joe comes, that he will see that I am concerned about him and all that is going on in his life with the girls?” 

Now girls, I am sure that you’ve heard, that when mamas not happy, ain’t nobody’s happy. Not with your mama, instead of being absorbed in her own grief of seeming unanswered prayer, she prayed that she would be focused and concerned with your dad and you.

Girls, this is what a most beautiful woman looks like.

God had done a work in her. I think that is where the word glorious fits in.

The Bible does tell us that “We are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Eph. 2:10).

Your mom couldn’t walk, but follow Jesus, she did.

And in that hospital room, Rm. 609, in which she found herself for weeks on end, she asked me if I would call the elders from her church to come to anoint her with oil and pray the prayer of healing over her. She continually said, “God told me that I was going to walk again.” 

The elders of the church did come. They prayed, and still, your mom, silently hoped and waited. She was an example of acceptance with joy. That’s why I write these letters, “for now and again.”

Your mom hoped in God, she believed what He said. Period.

She waited, with tears that she couldn’t wipe from her own face, she believed:

 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”Jer. 29:11-13.

S.H. Spurgeon wrote a little poem, and your mom’s story makes me think of it: “Put thou thy trust in God; In duty’s path go on; Fix on Himself thy steadfast eye, So shall thy work be done.”

“Though years on years roll on, His mercy shall endure; Though clouds and darkness hide His path, His promised grace is sure.”

On the very last visit I had with your mom, (which I had no idea it would be,) she told me, “Toni, I have some homework for you. I want you to learn a  song.” So I asked, “What song is that?” She answered, in that whisper voice she had, “It is well with my soul.”

“OK Jenny, I’ve got that one, for next time.”

I never got a chance to sing it with her, but at least now I know the song she left singing:

“When peace like a river, Attendeth my way, When sorrows, Like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, “It is well, It is well, with my soul.” It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my  soul.”

“My sin, O the bliss Of this glorious tho’t. My sin not in part But the whole Is nailed to the cross And I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, O my soul!” 

And, Lord, haste the day When my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back like a scroll! The trumpet shall sound and the Lord shall descend, “Even so, it is well With my soul.  It is well, with my soul, it is well,

it is well with my soul.”

Girls, I hurt for you in that you miss your mom so much. I know these letters may bring tears, but I pray they fill your heart with love and comfort, For now and again.

With love,

Toni Rypkema

Remembering Jenny Part 1

Reasons
You will write the book, Jenny encouraged me.
I told Jenny  I wanted to write a devotional called God’s Hand. Sometimes I would read to her my WordPress posts. I would write what the Lord showed me that day in His word.

Anyway, I write now a series of articles about Jenny. God knew I needed a her friendship. I’m changed when I remember the time we had together. I believe everyone needs to meet Jenny. So I write.

Jenny became completely paralyzed, a tetraplegic, within only a 24 hour period, at 34 years of age. She lost the movement of every part of her body, even her ability to breathe on her own.

She told me, from the very first day when she didn’t even know what was happening to her, she felt God had told her, You’ll be able to walk again.
Jenny believed God.

She couldn’t hold on to anything. But Jenny held on to God and His promises. Her faith remained strong, even after more than 5 years of loss upon loss.

Yes, even after more than 5 years. How do I know? Because, God allowed us to be friends her last year on this earth, and I witnessed faith in champion proportions. After all that time of physical loss and emotional strain and difficulty, Jenny would have the excuse to be bitter, discouraged, impatient, and angry, but she was none of those things.

She was hopeful, patient, gentle, caring, and faithful.

Do you know what she told me the first time I visited her at her house, while she sat in her chair. She said, The very first day I was paralyzed, I asked God to help me get out of bed every day.

She said, He helps me everyday. This woman couldn’t move anything, yet she got out of bed, so to speak, everyday.

God knew that I needed a friend who kept her faith and believed God, no matter what. Day after day, trial after trial, this is what Jenny so victoriously did.  We needed each other.

Jenny was my cure to stop complaining about my nothing in comparison problems. When I was tempted to look at mountains of situations, instead of looking to God, I would remember Jenny.

Beginnings
There were days when, just thinking of her and the extreme challenges she had to face every minute of the day, got me out of bed.

I had suffered great loss. My heart physically felt it was bleeding. Did we even know that the heart can feel like it’s bleeding.

I needed a hero, a champion. Jenny was all that, but don’t think for a minute that Jenny’s the hero I’m writing about. Right from the start, the hero is God.

I started praying for Jenny years before when on the very same week, on a February of 2008, I had a diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis. But Jenny became paralyzed. Within a 24 hour period—quadriplegic.

Jenny also lost the use of her diaphragm, thus leaving her in need of a respirator. Breath by breath there was struggle to survive.
And, the three girls. Jenny couldn’t hug anymore. Twins in their teens and the youngest only 6.

I had nothing to complain about. What is Rheumatoid Arthritis, swelling and pain when moving, to paralysis of every limb and chest.

Debilitating changes
It all happened so quickly. February, 2008 brought change for the both of us, but for Jenny, she couldn’t move anything.
Was sudden paralysis of the spine due to a virus? Did the medical team ever really know? There were so many questions for Jenny, her husband, and her three girls. Questions that couldn’t be answered.

I thought about Jenny every day even though I didn’t know her well when all the changes happened.
I would reach for a cup out of the cupboard, after getting up and walking out of bed. Tempted to complain of difficulties of life and my RA pain, which seemed to come so naturally, but then I would stop.

Almost as if I was watching myself from the outside, I would fill the cup with water and give myself a drink, then I would think, . . .  Remember Jenny.
A young mom from the Y, with her girls on the same swim team as mine, and all of a sudden, word goes out, “Jenny’s paralyzed.”

I was cured.
Perspective is everything. I had no problems at all. Zero. None.

I can’t even imagine being 34 years old and not being able to move anything. Prayers went up to God for Jenny everywhere for her girls, her husband, and family.

Day after day.

Month after month.

Year after year.

I am not sure how long she was hospitalized, 8 months and more. And then training and preparation for life as a quadriplegic. A special chair was needed as well as 24/7 home health care. The house had to be renovated for the chair to go up stairs. A new van was purchased. The entire dynamics of the household was forever changed.

Jenny couldn’t hug her girls anymore.

The girls would always smile when I gave them a little wave as they walked past me on the bleachers, to swim practice. What a great thing to have a pool to kick off all the stress and hardship of life for an hour.

I remember watching her blow into a long straw-type tube to move her special wheel chair into the Y. We would have chats now and again.

I asked her, “Jenny, what’s the hardest part of all this?” Putting my hand on her hand. With great effort to catch breath, she answered me,
“People put their hands on my hand. They think they’ve touched me. I can’t feel my hands.”

I gently pulled my hand away. I remember saying, “I’m sorry Jenny.”
She couldn’t do anything. Not even breathe on her own. This is more loss than I can comprehend. But Jenny had faith that God was going to heal her. She was waiting on Him with joy and hope.

Time went on. I had a cancer diagnosis. A cancer fight with the struggles of chemo, surgery, hormone block treatments, the ups the downs, the all-arounds. And I would “remember Jenny.”

November of 2012, and I was driving my kids to school.
This was first year of school for my elementary and middle school aged children. I was a home-educator for 21 years, however the stress involved and the weakness I was dealing with gave way to public education for my kids.

We were in the car and the radio announcer posed a question,
“Is there someone very important in your life, and they might not even know it? Let this Thanksgiving be the time to let them know.”

“Jenny” was my thought.

So I found Jenny’s phone number and I called. I remembered Jenny every day, and I began visiting her home periodically.

This was four and-a-half years after the paralysis began.

A friendship developed
The first time I visited Jenny was a bit uncomfortable as I waited at the door at 10:30 in the morning for what seemed like a long time. I stood at the door, but then one of the home-health nurses let me in.

They were blow-drying her hair. I can’t imagine the amount of work every day to tend to all the needs of a young woman who can’t move or breathe on her own.
Jenny seemed so happy to have a visitor. And I was happy to be finally visiting. I came with my guitar. She really didn’t know me at all except for a few conversations at the Y and the call for Thanksgiving.

I felt I needed to thank her for many things.
This woman got me out of bed. This woman gave me courage and perspective. This woman taught me to be thankful.

Quite honestly I wonder how many lives this woman actually saved? I know God used her to save me from my pitiful thinking. From thinking thoughts that would were faith-less and fret-full.

Jenny had a gentle spirit and joyful nature, even after almost five years of circumstantial loss. She couldn’t pull her bangs down to fix them up. She couldn’t take a sip from a cup.

She couldn’t do anything!

I am sure in her quiet moments there was sadness and loneliness, but her faith lifted her. She believed God was going to heal her. She believed this with every ounce of her being.
This is the woman that should be on the cover of magazines of what a “beautiful woman” is.

I brought my guitar for a time of worship and prayer. We sang. Jenny cried. Her respirator buzzer kept going off because of the extra air needed. And we prayed.
When Jenny spoke out of the abundance of her heart, you would think there would be bitterness, frustration, anger, and complaint. But I will tell you right here and now, out of the abundance of this woman’s heart, who had lost so much, was one thing, grace poured out.

Not complaint, but gracious words. She shared, “He’s going to heal me. He told me at the beginning, when this first happened. He said to my spirit, “You’re going to walk again.”
Jenny believed God. From day one to year five, completely paralyzed.
“The Lord has let my legs still have muscle tone. They aren’t supposed to have that. “I’m going to walk again,” she told me with complete faith.
I asked Jenny of her favorite memory verse.

“Be still, and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10
She would joke how she spoke with God, “Lord, I’m not going anywhere!”
You probably think I’m writing nice words about a friend. No, I’m writing about seeing a miracle of God
This woman was overflowing with faith, and hope, and I haven’t even mentioned the love.
God did this.

He was present. I was a witness of a life filled with the Spirit and submitted to Him.
Jenny’s home health care ran out after a little over five and a half years. She found herself back in the very same hospital that she spent so many months in almost 6 years prior.
This was her greatest fear. At 40 years of age.

But God gave us time together in the hospital reading the Bible together and singing songs. The girls will never know what God did for both of us in opening His word together, I thought, unless I write the words.

So, letters for the girls were written. But they aren’t just for the girls. (I will share them as “Letters to the girls,” in further posts.)

For “Now and again”, Letters to Jenny’s girls…

Introduction: These are letters to Jenny’s Girls. Who’s Jenny? Read “Remembering Jenny, Pt.1” Jenny was a young woman, 34 years of age who became completely paralyzed, a quadriplegic, only able to turn her neck within a 24 hour period by a mysterious virus, etc. She was a gift to me. A witness of the sufficient grace of God.

Letter #1

Writing –  because God has put it on my heart. Yes, ever since I was diagnosed with cancer, the Lord has me writing.

But for Sue, Al, and Jan, the Lord has me putting together for you, letters about your mom, Jenny, Oh girls,  I write because your mom was one of the most beautiful women ever.

You see, people are caught up with outside appearances, and magazines are filled with pictures of beautiful women, but your mom was exceptional in beauty that matters. Beauty of the heart. God doesn’t look at the outside of a person, but at the heart.

I believe your mom was one of God’s most victorious treasures.

Life is filled with a lot of blessings as well as a lot of troubles, but God holds each of us in His Hands, through it all, the good and the bad. He’s always with us.

God’s word tells us so.

And what’s crazy about it all, is, it seems that we don’t even experience God’s hand , and don’t grow in discovering that we are actually held in His hand,  until after we have been at our lowest, after times of great pain, after suffering, heartache and loss.

it’s then that we discover God’s hand holding us up. There’s no strength left on our  own.

You and your family have gone through extreme trial.   I’m  sorry you girls have had to suffer so.

Your mother was exceptional. She continually gave her disappointments to God and took courage with the challenges she faced. She made the choice . . .

to surrender to His will in everything.

She couldn’t move. Nothing. Nada.

You girls were her life. She asked God to “get her out of bed everyday,” for each of you. She never gave up on God. Even when it seemed as if He wasn’t hearing her prayers.

He was faithful to lift her faith as if she had wings as eagles, by His Spirit. You witnessed it, I know you did. And I did too. So I write so we can remember, “now and again.” Your mom had faith that reached the heavens, believing God.

Not being able to  do anything, because her body shut down on her, she did the best thing. Believing God, with excellence.

This woman was your mama.

 

It seems that after great pain, we are made ready to actually receive great joy. We witness this every time a newborn baby is born. And after sickness, we often times are made ready to become “healed” in so many areas in our lives, (even in some areas that we didn’t even know were sick).

Your mom suffered greatly, but drew closer and closer to God, and guess what? He drew closer and closer to her. So beautifully close, with sweet intimacy that your mom was ‘filled’ with His Spirit.

Exceedingly, abundantly.

Her very heart shined like Ps. 103: “Bless the LORD, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits: Who forgives all your iniquities, who heals all of your diseases, who redeems your life from destruction, who crowns you with lovingkindness and tendermercies; who satisfies your mouth with good things; so that your youth is renewed like the eagles…”

God became so close to your mom, that what I witnessed, was His sufficient grace,  literally “made her bed.”

Your mom knew that many  nurses would see her and feel sadfor her. But your mom had a prayerful heart and communed with God so much that she felt sad for them. For their heaviness of trial without faith.

She was thankful and in full expectation of God.

Your mom had the joy of the Lord. (In case you ever wondered what that looked like.) Don’t get me wrong, she told me about her struggles with doubt, but she knew where to run. Your mom couldn’t walk or stand, but she ran a marathon of faith as she trusted God, even without seeing results, and she continually hoped in Him.

Your mom’s cry was much like David’s in Ps. 62:1, “Truly my soul silently waits for God. From Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved.”

Yes, so much silence, so much waiting, and she couldn’t move and make things happen, but because God was her Rock, she was not ‘greatly moved.’ God met her and gave her His grace which is all sufficient, and she victoriously calmed and quieted herself much like David once again:

“My soul, wait silently for God alone, For my expectation is from Him. He only is my rock and my salvaiton; He is my defense; I shall not be moved.” Ps. 62:5,6.

So, I told your mom that I was writing a book called God’s Hand. That God had put on my heart to write and He confirmed it with His word: “write in a book for yourself the things I have shown you in My word, (Jer. 33:1). I have someone who encouraged the Bible journaling, and I have someone who encouraged the writing, but I told your mom, that she was the “feet” to move this to completion.

She would smile and say, “It will get written.”

Little did I know, that God would simply show me His treasure, your mom,  and He would have me write her story.

The last hymn I sang with your mother was,  “I Surrender All.”

Your mom had feet that couldn’t even wiggle, but she is the “feet” to my writing.

For almost 6 years, she was tried and tested in all things,  with many cuts allowed to be made in this diamond. And shine, shine, shine she did with faith, hope, and love.

Your dear mom has gone home to be with her Lord. She was hoping that He would heal her so she could be here with you, but it was His will that she go to be with Him instead.

Oh, but she lives on, in each of you, and many others too.  It was Nov. 9th, 2013. It was  February of 2008, her body would not move, but Jenny let God mover her, every step of the way.

Now she dances in His presence.

I wrote quite a bit of our times with the Lord, your mother and me, so I would like to share them with you,  in letters. For now and again, you can read one, to cry or take courage or just cuddle with.

Because in life, “it’s not how you start, it’s how you finish” that matters, and your mama, . . .she finished amazingly well.

Be blessed and filled with an abundance of comfort,

Toni Rypkema

A Moment’s Getaway, Like a River Glorious

Like a River Glorious

In the old church hymnal, Frances Havergal, paints a moving picture with song, yet with a constant under-girding of calm.

Like a river glorious, Is God’s perfect peace, Over all victorious In it’s bright increase;

Perfect, yet it floweth Fuller every day, Perfect, yet it groweth Deeper all the way.

Stayed upon Jehovah, Hearts are fully blest; Finding as He promised, Perfect peace and rest. 

Like a river glorious, is God’s perfect peace!
Hidden in the hollow Of His blessed hand, Never foe can follow Never traitor stand;

Not a surge of worry, Not a shade of care, Not a blast of hurry Touch the Spirit there.

“Then, like a river glorious I desire to be. Moving steadily on, Dear Lord, in trust of Your security. Hide me in the hollow of Your great hand, mighty.

Reliable and more.
This world spins out of control leaving me fatigued and confused. Take me the way I am. Move me, like a river glorious.

Transform me, because You can—through Your gracious and gentle Hand.

Perfect, yet it floweth Fuller every day, Perfect, yet it groweth Deeper all the way.

Peace. Rest. Victorious. Bright increase. Words speak. As the stars across the heavens at night. As an abundance of roses on a stem. Wherever I may be, Lord, let this hymn energize me to believe.”

Could it be? Words, lead me, to my refuge and help? The pages in a hymnal read aloud. A remedy constant to revive. I turn to it’s page. I find Rock of Ages, on the other side.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me let me hide myself in Thee.”

The Lord is speaking. He is ministering to me. Like a River Glorious, a Rock of Ages that I might hide. Two different pictures, bringing about a solid theme, that wherever I go, I am being held and protected from Fear and Anxiety, two of my greatest foes.

Peace came to this furious world. Willing to allow the water and the blood from His wounded side to flow. . .  His death gives life to me, and all the people of the world, who see.

Like a River Glorious.

These words are living. Hymns teach of hope! Refreshment and revival. “Stayed on Jehovah, hearts fully blest! Finding, as He promised, Perfect peace and rest!”

Moving forward, constant. Like a River Glorious. Yet, Stayed on Jehovah, our mighty God, Hidden in the hollow Of His blessed hand, Never foe can follow, Never traitor stand.

To this morning meditation, let all the people say, “Amen.”

Holding Fast. A Prayer for Today

“This world, this wilderness, this desert place— where You watch our steps, it’s ruthless and rough, scary and often-times, a disgrace. This world, O Lord, that You ‘so loved.’ You sent Your precious Son that the people might see  with their eyes, and experience Love.

But at each turn, moment by moment, for us, (and 2,000 years ago, for You, Jesus), there’s strife, accusing, and distrust. This world is broken with edges that are sharp. So often, Lord, our hearts are left bleeding all over the place.
You know all about that, and remind us: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (1)

Pour out that ‘sufficient grace’, Lord. Give us ears open, for listening. Give our hearts increased understanding:
I am coming quickly; hold fast what you have, so that no one may rob you and deprive you of your crown. Revelation 3:11.

God, these words seem at times, foreign and distant. What do we have? How do we hold fast? Remind me of the crown. What’s the meaning of all this?
The old folks are weary, fighting to persevere. The children are caught in a cultural fast-paced race. Your Book is open. We will be still, and hear:

These are the words of the Holy One, the True One, He Who has the key of David, Who opens and no one shall shut, Who shuts and no one shall open.
Oh, Lord, in awe and reverence, we are listening, with the Book open in Revelation 3:

I know your [record of] works and what you are doing. See! I have set before you a door wide open, which no one is able to shut; I know that you have but little power, and yet you have kept My Word and guarded My message, and have not renounced or denied My name. (2)

But God, You can see that I have not always kept Your Word. Please forgive me. You see my shame. Wash me new, today. Help my eyes acknowledge the work You have done for me:

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, Psalm 103. (3)

Yes, I see a door in my mind, open, with Your nail-pierced hands before me. You speak ever gently, Remember Me.
Flooding now in my memory from Your Word: Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me, all the days of my life . . . Psalm 23. (4)

And then a hymn comes cleansing me:

I will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace me in His arms
In the arms of my dear Savior
Oh, there are ten thousand charms (5)
Dear Lord, the Welcome mat to Your house of Love is often an Hymn from so long ago:
Come, ye thirsty, come and welcome
God’s free bounty glorify
True belief and true repentance
Every grace that brings you nigh
Come, ye weary, heavy-laden
Lost and ruined by the fall
If you tarry ’til you’re better
You will never come at all
He who overcomes [the world through believing that Jesus is the Son of God], I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God; he will most certainly never be put out of it, and I will write on him the name of My God, and the name of the city of My God, the new Jerusalem, which descends out of heaven from My God, and My [own] new name. 
 He who has an ear, let him hear and heed what the Spirit says to the churches.’ (6)
Today, as if it were my first. Today, as if it were my last:
I will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace me in His arms
In the arms of my dear Savior
Oh, there are ten thousand charms (5)

(1) 2 Corinthians 12:9.
(2) Revelation 3:7-8.
(3) Psalm 103:2-4.
(4) Psalm 23:6.
(5) I Will Arise and Go To Jesus/ Joseph Hart/ 1759.
(6) Revelation 3:12,13.

Lord, Give us a Fragrance of Light and Peace

What is our fragrance as we go about our day?

Do we smell of fear and let doubt lead the way?
Like a skunk that’s afraid, pray we are not near.

Or as a pig slopping in a muddy mess, doing only as he pleases, “Dear Lord, save us from the stench of selfishness. May displeasing You, be our greatest dread and fear.”

“Dear Lord, give those who claim to know Your name, a cleansing stream, an emptying. That newness of life and acceptance with joy, peace like a river would splash on us a fragrance of Light.”

Today, a meditation on words penned almost a hundred years ago; Ina D. Ogden, “Speak your exhortation to ears ‘poor in spirit'”:

Do not wait until some deed of greatness you may do,
Do not wait to shed your light afar;
To the many duties ever near you now be true,
Brighten the corner where you are.

Brighten the corner where you are!
Brighten the corner where you are!
Someone far from harbor you may guide across the bar;
Brighten the corner where you are!

What kind of fragrance do we bring in the room? Is it a critical spirit. Thinking we know what’s right? “Dear Lord, reveal to us our failure and sin, that we might ask forgiveness and let Your light shine in us again.”

Perhaps the brokenness and deep hurts will prove to be, a place where we might have a gentle spirit and compassion. Perhaps God will help us have a tender spirit, gracious, gentle, a-c-c-e-p-t-i-n-g.

When pain comes, and darkness, we are tested and tried. Are we going to believe the Good Word only, when things go right?

Oh, to believe that “The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does,” Psalm 145:17.

Oh, how we are tested during times of loss, to believe:

Just above are clouded skies that you may help to clear,
Let not narrow self your way debar;
Though into one heart alone may fall your song of cheer,
Brighten the corner where you are.

The Lord is my strength and my song;
    he has become my salvation, Psalm 118:14.

This is the phrase I must sing. Let us today, wake up in faith, knowing, that God is with us. Let’s forget about ourselves and allow His light to beam:

Here for all your talent you may surely find a need,
Here reflect the bright and Morning Star;
Even from your humble hand the Bread of Life may feed,
Brighten the corner where you are.

A fragrance of light. A fragrance of peace. The Lord Jesus will take our burdens so today, we are free to sing:
Brighten the corner where you are!
Brighten the corner where you are!
Someone far from harbor you may guide across the bar;
Brighten the corner where you are!

Let us go now, in increased faith, to love and consider others and be a fragrance worth . . . remembering.

A Blind Woman’s Calling was to Help the World to See

A blind woman could see much more than most of us dream. She couldn’t see color, or line, or form, but she had eyes to see the Lord.
Her heart would write scores of words to increase our vision and understanding of the Lord.

Fanny Crosby teaches devotion to God as we open old hymns and speak them and sing.

We weep on earth when loved ones pass, but in the LORD, hope continues on. Saved by Grace, 1891, Fanny’s chorus repeats confident and strong:

And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace; 
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace. 

Who is He that she longs to see. Our hearts long to read on and hear her words because we are born into this broken world, and in the midst of happy moments and and fun and life, there are great hurts. Great losses threaten to shadow all delight.

But God, He’s there. He asks quietly, “Do you believe?”

“Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit.  Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.  You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You  must be born again.’  The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit,” John 3:5-9.

With God, at times it seems all mystery. But Fanny writes of her Lord to show us the end before the beginning:

Some day the silver cord will break,
And I no more as now shall sing;
But oh, the joy when I shall wake
Within the palace of the King!

This is hope. What does it all mean? Does God put this hunger in us all that we search for answers that we might see and know?

Some day my earthly house will fall,
I cannot tell how soon ’twill be;
But this I know-—my All in All
Has now a place in heav’n for me.

Can I know? Without a doubt? How can I know that I will see the Lord face to face. How could Fanny write with such confidence of God’s grace?

And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace;
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace.

We are born as a baby, but before our death, is there a birth that must take place? Is this the meaning of this mystery?
A day in our life, either early or late, we must look up to Jesus, God’s Son Whom He has sent. A second birth? It is on that day, we look up and choose to say, “I believe in all You did for me on the cross.”

“Take my sin and all my misery. Empty me that I might be filled with You. Give me new life today. Fill me with Your Spirit now, and for every day.”
Then the chorus Fanny wrote will be our song of hope that we sing with heart’s strong.

Some day, when fades the golden sun
Beneath the rosy-tinted west,
My blessed Lord will say, “Well done!”
And I shall enter into rest.

All because of the grace of God through Jesus.
Fanny wrote, that years later I could remain confident and sing until the very end:

Some day: till then I’ll watch and wait,
My lamp all trimmed and burning bright,
That when my Savior opes the gate,
My soul to Him may take its flight.

Amen, Amen. Fanny would have us speak joyfully her chorus again:
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace;
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace.

True Riches: Faith in God through Jesus His Son

Earthly riches we see and often desire. And once acquired, there is almost always, the let down: “Is that all there is?”

But Jesus, who came to be Savior, was also the unparalleled Teacher. He, Wisdom came down and spoke to ears that would hear:

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,  but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also,” Matthew 6:19-21.

The heavenly treasure of faith in God through Jesus His Son is higher and deeper, richer and forever. “Blessed—happy, fortunate, prosperous and enviable—is the man . . . whose delight and desire are . . .

What comes next? What’s this key to happiness? What makes a man “fortunate?”

What is possessed by the man or woman who is “prosperous and enviable?”
The possession of the glorious key to open the closed-door of Peace is faith in God through Jesus His Son.

Lasting. Forever. Promises enduring:

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God,” Romans 5:1,2.

This sounds rich. This rings glorious, but can we understand what it all means?”
“Give us faith. Help us understand the glory of God!” We pray. And . . .
He does.
Having faith to call out to God and pray, the Bible says, is all pleasing:

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him,” Hebrews 11:6.

Heavenly riches, heavenly rewards—this is what I desire. You and me alike?
Just as if I have never sinned, my Jesus sees me now. Faith in what He did for me on the cross is the beginning of riches and glory and hope for all eternity for me, and you, and anyone who believes.

The Bible says it. The Bible is truth.

“Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him,” Proverbs 30:5.

Let us sing in our hearts, even in the midst of sorrow and loss, praises to God, because God will build in us a character that counts:

“Faith God, in Your Son who suffered and died. We stand at the foot of the cross and ask for help that we may at this time,

“glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.
 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us,” Romans 5:3-5.

To the One whose name is “Faithful and True,” (Revelation 19:11), no matter what happens, help us remember time and again, that the greatest of riches is faith and trust in You. Thank You for giving us the key of faith to unlock the door of Peace with each breath we take.

Amen, and Amen. Shall we continually say, “Let it be, and to Your glory. Let it be.

Blessed is the man whose, “delight is in the law of the Lord,
And on His law [His precepts and teachings] he [habitually] meditates day and night.
And he will be like a tree firmly planted [and fed] by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season;
Its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers [and comes to maturity], Psalm 1, Amplified.”

Believing. In God. According to His Word, indeed reaps True riches. Lasting. Forever.

Dear World, Let Passion Week speak:

What’s on my mind during Passion week:
“Dear world, STOP. Look. Listen and hear the Father God, Creator of all natural beauty we see and enjoy,
the One Who is holy and just, truth, and all righteousness,
the One Who knows everyone by name.
The One Whose nature is unconditional Love.
STOP and look at the cross. Not the one around your neck, but the one that Jesus’ died.
Listen to Almighty God’s Voice:
‘My children, turn at once from running toward the lying thief that I sent my Son Jesus to rescue you from. Turn from believing lies that you can do it all on your own without Me.
I sent My Son. He is the the promised One.
His blood was shed, to cover each and all of your shame.
Admit your sins. Believe on Him. And Celebrate a new-born life, abundant and free.
And go and tell others. Be a witness for Me.'”
Oh, that the world would listen to the Father at this time.
This is what’s on my mind.
 Jesus found me when I was lost.
He gave His life . . . for my sin.
He offers hope and His Spirit that we might each day walk in the power of His resurrection. He didn’t hold back, so neither will I.
Take time to ask yourself this question, “What is my direction?”
Stop. Look. Listen, these are words Jesus prayed. Will you turn and trust in Him today?
 “My prayer is not for them alone. I pray also for those who will believe in me through their message, 
 that all of them may be one, Father, just as you are in me and I am in you. May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—
 I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity.
Then the world will know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.
 “Father, I want those you have given me to be with me where I am, and to see my glory, the glory you have given me because you loved me before the creation of the world.
 “Righteous Father, though the world does not know you, I know you, and they know that you have sent me.
I have made you known to them, and will continue to make you known in order that the love you have for me may be in them and that I myself may be in them,” John 17:20-25.
It’s hard to stop. It’s a challenge to look. But God’s glory is revealed and our broken hearts are healed when we finally listen. He is the very definition of commitment!
It’s time to run with Jesus, and never again be deceived by the thief. This Passion Week, will you choose to believe? If so, make sure you let someone know.
May they also be in us so that the world may believe that you have sent me.
 I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one—
 I in them and you in me—so that they may be brought to complete unity—Jesus
“For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him,” John 3:17.
Choose Jesus?  His passion is outstanding. In heaven is great celebration.
 

In time of need: Hymn-Therapy

I had salvation, believing what Jesus did for me on the cross, but, at a time of sickness and dread, I opened a hymnal on the shelf.
“Be Still my Soul,” He spoke to me that day, “the Lord is on thy side.“(1)
His arm reach out in love and His hand took hold of mine. My Savior met me in the cold, dark hour and ministered life to me through a hymn.
“He is on my side.” My heart was revived.
The words ministered to me, the truth of His love and faithfulness, when all my mind kept rehearsing before, “Won’t He give me a break?”
I came to know the Lord with contemporary choruses of praise. Though God allowed great brokenness and loss within my life, He faithfully ministered greater light and life, and His presence in my time of need. I would never exchange a moment of it, not for anything.
This hymnal proved to be a treasure chest of hope, life, and promise. The Spirit moved me with increased faith as my mind thought on His  Almighty power.
Today, I write, in the face of a battle, with enemies of Overwhelmed and Fear, and Discouragement lurking. I find a Charles Wesley hymn written around the armor of God in Ephesians 6, published in 1749.
God’s therapy, or counseling session for me, is that my mind think on words like these:
Soldiers of Christ, arise,
And put your armor on,
Strong in the strength which God supplies
Through His eternal Son.
Strong in the Lord of hosts,
And in His mighty pow’r,
Who in the strength of Jesus trusts
Is more than conqueror.
“Strong in the strength which God supplies,” because He can clearly see, I am not strong, in and of myself, I am tired and weak. God counsels with direction that I must meet:
Stand then in His great might,
With all His strength endued,
And take, to arm you for the fight,
The panoply of God;
That, having all things done,
And all your conflicts passed,
Ye may o’ercome through Christ alone,
And stand entire at last.
I will admit, the word panoply was not in my vocabulary, so I looked it up. The dictionary spelled it out in this way:

pan·o·ply
noun
1. a complete or impressive collection of things.
2. a splendid display.
3. a complete set of arms or suit of armor.
“Stand then in His great might,” yes, I must take hold and clothe myself with all that’s true, and the collection of “armor” God has equipped us with.
We don’t “wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rules of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places.” Ephesians 6, KJV, speaks solid and clear of who our real enemy is. We must fight and remember Who it is that is with us handing us all we need to win:
“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace.
In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.” (2)
The hymn inspires and exhorts. Actively reaching out a Hand to pick me up:
Leave no unguarded place,

No weakness of the soul,
Take every virtue, every grace,
And fortify the whole.
From strength to strength go on,
Wrestle and fight and pray,
Tread all the pow’rs of darkness down
And win the well-fought day.
Yes, “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests.” (3) This is it! This is my therapy session with a hymn. This is direction, hope and how I will keep a sound mind.
I will speak this hymn and clothe myself with the armor of God that the faith God increases in me can pass any test. How about you? Has this hymn touched you?
Let us praise God before the “Red Sea is parted.” Let us praise God ever-more. To God be the glory, Strong in the strength which God supplies
Through His eternal Son.
Strong in the Lord of hosts,
And in His mighty pow’r,
Who in the strength of Jesus trusts
Is more than conqueror. 
(1) Katharina A. von Schlegel, 1752
(2) Ephesians 6:14-17, NIV.
(3) Ephesians 6:18.
 

From a sigh to praise, read aloud hymns from yesterday

When my mind needs to be renewed, with a good theme. I open up before my eyes, very old hymns published in 1845. Hope, finds it’s place again, my countenance changes, and my heart becomes light.
Who wants a song of sighs anyway? We need God to change our melodies. Tell me, if you agree, these words written long ago, spoken aloud, or sung, have power to change our sighs into praise. They bring to the Psalm a powerful paraphrase.
(There’s an interesting note, in Psalms, Hymns, Spiritual Songs, of the Rev. Isaac Watts, D.D. 1845. It has included  a letter in front of the hymn’s stanzas for some “Direction for Expression.” For example, P means Slow and soft, and E for simply soft. The letter G means to produce a reading Slow and loud.
(p 1  directs for a slow and soft reading), My God, how many are my fears? How fast my foes increase!—Conspiring my eternal death, They break my present peace.
e 2 The lying tempter would persuade, There’s no relief in heaven; And all my swelling sins appear too big to be forgiven.
—3 But thou, my glory and my strength, Shalt on the tempter tread; Shalt silence all my threatening guilt, And raise my drooping head. 
e 4 I cried, and from his holy hill He bowed a listening ear; I called my Father and my God; And he subdued my fear. (1)
We have in this present day, similar feelings of fear and dread, but the unchanging God is the same always, “bowing a listening ear.” How comforting to know the God we love, cares.
Let the words of Psalm 3 ring well in our hearts. In this dark world of sadness, God gives us His word to express the great struggles.

Lord, how they have increased who trouble me!
Many are they who rise up against me.
 Many are they who say of me,
“There is no help for him in God.” Selah (2)

 Amplified inserts: “pause, and think of that.”

5He shed soft slumbers on mine eyes, In spite of all my foes; I ‘woke and wondered at the grace, That guarded my repose.
g 6( to be read slow and loud),  What though the host of death and hell, All armed, against me stood; Terrors no more shall shake my soul; My refuge is my God.
Speak it, believe it. Faith helps us to face it all. Psalm 3 will end our devotion with a victor’s call:
But You, O Lord, are a shield for me,
My glory and the One who lifts up my head.
 I cried to the Lord with my voice,
And He heard me from His holy hill. Selah
“Pause, and think of that!”
(1) C.M. Canterbury of Psalm 3, in Psalms, Hymns, Spiritual Songs, of the Rev. Isaac Watts, D.D. 1845.
(2) Psalm 3, NKJV.
 

“Led by grace that love to know . . . I am His and He is mine”

“Loved with Everlasting love, led by grace that love to know. . .”
The Hymn by George Robinson, I Am His, and He is Mine, 1876, is especially speaking to my heart as I sit on a couch in 2018, reading the words aloud.

This world seems to coldly whirl by and grab, push, and shove, but this timeless hymn carries me, as if “grace” took my hand out of anxiety and stress, and an impossible mess, to remind me:

I’m Loved with everlasting love,
Led by grace that love to know;
Gracious Spirit from above,
Thou hast taught me it is so!

Oh, this full and perfect peace!
Oh, this transport all divine!
In a love which cannot cease,
I am His, and He is mine.”

How my frame is weak and my heart grows weary, thoughts of doubt and terror flood in, “I can’t do this. I’ll never make it through. There is nothing left for me to do. Temptations to escape and lose this race flood to my view.

But, the Spirit breathing from above, saves me from inner turmoil, time and time again. My Rescuer, my Comforter, my present Help in need, the Spirit of the living God, He does “fall afresh on me.”

This new day, the Spirit says, “Rise,” open the hymnal. Though sitting on my living room couch, I feel as if carried to view the beauties and the healing powers of creation. Increased faith helps to lift my eyes:

“Heav’n above is softer blue,
Earth around is sweeter green;
Something lives in every hue
Christless eyes have never seen;

Birds with gladder songs o’erflow,
Flow’rs with deeper beauties shine,
Since I know, as now I know,
I am His, and He is mine;

Since I know, as now I know,
I am His, and He is mine.”

I pray, “Let me know Lord, even now, that ‘I am His, and He is mine.'”

Scriptures suddenly flood my mind, washing the filth of the faithless world away: Be still and know that I am God. (1)
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. (2)
In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever. (3)

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. (4)

Hymns and the word build faith like no other. God hears our prayers and leads us to sing. He wants us to remember, . . .
Him:

“Things that once were wild alarms
Cannot now disturb my rest,
Closed in everlasting arms,
Pillowed on His loving breast;


Oh, to lie forever here,
Doubt and care and self resign,
While He whispers in my ear
I am His, and He is mine.”

A prayer:

“Dear Lord Jesus, teach me to number my days.

That I walk, knowing, believing I am a child of the living God.

That I would not walk in a way that seems orphaned and restless.

Today, let me put my hand in Yours, Father, and allow You to lead me.

Trusting with joy that You provide all I need for this moment.

Spirit lead my eyes to “look to the hills.” Give me a new song to sing.

I am Yours Lord, and You are mine, today, tomorrow, for all of time.
Amen, Amen. And, in Jesus’ name, Amen, again and again.

(1) Psalm 46:10
(2) Isaiah 26:3
(3) Psalm 16:11b,
(4) NASBPsalm 23:4,5

Sometimes an old speech for the nation needs to be heard again:

This man was flown in to speak words to a nation of broken and bleeding hearts, Sept 14, 2001. In light of terror in a Florida High School, Feb. 14, 2018, and many other tragedies since that event in 2001—in honor of Billy Graham, in remembrance of his simple, yet courageous messages, I pray his words bring comfort and hope.
I am comforted, and am thankful for they words of the hymn he encouraged us with: Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed, For I am thy God, and will give thee aid; I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.

After our nation was attacked with horrific terror, with many innocent lives lost, the choice was made to have Rev. Billy Graham speak on Sept. 14, 2001.
Allowance was made that a sole aircraft fly that day.

Today, I look back at the words Billy Graham had to say, in that, still today, hearts continue to be shattered with news of terror and loss. How do we continue? How do we find a way?

Billy Graham stood before the nation,
“We come together today to affirm our conviction that God cares for us, whatever our ethnic, religious or political background may be. The Bible says that He is ‘the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles.’
No matter how hard we try, words cannot express the horror, the shock and the revulsion we all feel over what took place in this nation on Tuesday  morning . . .
But today we come together in this service to confess our need of God. We’ve always needed God from the very beginning of this nation. But today we need Him especially. We’re involved in a new kind of warfare. And we need the help of the Spirit of God.

The Bible says, ‘God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and mountains fall into the heart of the sea.’
But how do we understand something like this? Why does God allow evil like this to take place? Perhaps that is what you are asking. You may even be angry at God. I want to assure you that God understands these feelings that you may have.

We’ve seen so much that brings tears to our eyes and makes us feel a sense of anger. But God can be trusted, even when life seems at its darkest.
What are the lessons we can learn?
First, we are reminded of the mystery and reality of evil. I have been asked hundreds of times why God allows tragedy and suffering. I have to confess that I do not know the answer.  I have to accept, by faith, that God is sovereign, and that He is a God of love and mercy and compassion in the midst of suffering.
The Bible says God is not the Author of evil. In 1 Thessalonians 2:7 the Bible talks about the mystery of iniquity. the Old Testament Prophet Jeremiah said, ‘The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure.’

The lesson of this even is not only about the mystery of iniquity and evil, but second, it’s about our need for each other.
What an example New York and Washington have been to the world these past few days! None of us will forget the pictures of our courageous firefighters and police, or the hundreds of people standing patiently in line to donate blood . . .
Finally, difficult as it may be for us to see right now, this event can give a message of hope—hope for the present and hope for the future.
Yes, there is hope. There is hope for the present because the stage, I believe, has already been set for a new spirit in our nation.

We desperately need a spiritual renewal in this country, and God has told us in His Word, time and time that we need to repent of our sins and return to Him, and He will bless us in a new way.
There also is hope for the future because of God’s promises. As a Christian, I have hope, not just for this life, but for heaven and the life to come. And many of those people who died this past week are in heaven now. And they wouldn’t want to come back. It’s so glorious and so wonderful. That is the hope for all of us who put our faith in God. I pray that you will have this hope in your heart.

This event reminds us of the brevity and uncertainty of life. We never know when we too will be called into eternity. I doubt if those people who got on those planes or who walked into the world Trace Center or the Pentagon on Tuesday thought that it would be the last day of their lives. And that’s why we each must face our own spiritual need and commit ourselves to God and His will.

Here in this majestic National Cathedral we see all around us the symbol of the cross. For the Christian, the cross tells us that God understands our sin and our suffering, for He took them upon Himself in the Person of Jesus Christ. From the cross God declares, ‘I love you. I know the heartaches and the sorrows and the pain that you feel. But I love you.’

The story does not end with the cross, for Easter points us beyond the tragedy of the cross to the empty tomb. It tells us that there is hope for eternal life, for Christ conquered evil and death and hell. Yes, there is hope.
I’ve become an old man now, and I’ve preached all over the world. And the older I get, the more I cling to that hope that I started with many years ago.
Several years ago at the National Prayer Breakfast here in Washington, Ambassador Andrew Young closed his talk with a quotation from the old hymn, ‘How Firm a Foundation.’

This week we watched in horror as planes crashed into the steel and glass and the World Trade Center. Those majestic towers, built on solid foundations, were examples of prosperity and creativity. When damaged, those building plummeted to the ground, imploding in upon themselves. Yet, underneath the debris, is a foundation that was not destroyed. Therein lies the truth of that hymn, ‘How Firm a Foundation.’

Yes, our nation has been attacked, buildings destroyed, lives lost. But now we have a choice: whether to implode and disintegrate emotionally and spiritually as a people and a nation; or to choose to become stronger through all of this struggle, to rebuild a solid foundation.

And I believe that we are starting to rebuild on that foundation. That foundation is our trust in God. And in that faith, we have the strength to endure something as difficult and horrendous as what we have experienced this week. This has been a terrible week with many tears.

But it also has been a week of great faith. In that hymn, ‘How Firm a Foundation,’ the words say, ‘Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed, For I am thy God, and will give thee aid; I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.’

My prayer today is that we will feel the loving arms of God wrapped around us and that as we trust in Him we will know in our hearts that He will never forsake us.
We know also that God will give wisdom and courage and strength to the President and those around him. And this will be a day that we will remember as a day of Victory.
May God bless you all.”

(2 Cor. 1:3-4, Ps. 46: 1-2, Jeremiah 17:9)
This man was flown in to speak words to a nation of broken and bleeding hearts, Sept 14, 2001. In light of terror in a Florida High School, Feb. 14, 2018, and many other tragedies since that event in 2001—in honor of Billy Graham, in remembrance of his simple, yet courageous messages, I pray his words bring comfort and hope.
I am comforted, and am thankful for they words of the hymn he encouraged us with: Fear not, I am with thee; O be not dismayed, For I am thy God, and will give thee aid; I’ll strengthen thee, help thee, and cause thee to stand, Upheld by my righteous, omnipotent hand.
He’s got a hold on us. In Him, we must trust. Amen.