Today, I tell part of my cancer story…

The fact that this is Breast Cancer Awareness Month and there is a lot of discussion about it, I would like to share a little part of my ‘cancer story’. I am 4 years out now and I am very thankful for every breath God allows me to take. I just pray that each day God gives me He fills me with His love and that He is my vision always-“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”

What if I didn't bring my guitar that day?

“What if I didn’t bring my guitar on that day?” It’s ‘outside the box’ to bring a guitar in the hospital, but God had me bring it often, with a few particular songs to sing, every time I visited Jenny -whether at home or in the hospital. We all understand when professional musicians carry their instruments to ‘scheduled’ performances, and oh how we enjoy those moments when we are brought together for those monumental performances-yet, God,
the Great Conductor orchestrates ‘monumental moments’ when we yield to His leading. I must record this moment in that God wants me to remember the very last song we sang…
First, the ‘we’- Jenny and myself and my friend Gail and a man from Jenny’s church. Second, ‘the moment – Jenny, the friend God gave me to help lift my ‘pity-ful’ thoughts out of the ash heap to soar in a sky of blue. Yes, the friend who suffered so many great losses, even the loss and ability to feel or move any muscle below her neck for close to 6 years. Yes – Jenny was paralyzed within a 24 hour period from some unknown ‘virus’ at the age of 35, completely from the neck down!
(Take a moment and imagine losing the feeling and ability to move anything below your neck for even one day, let alone almost 6 years!) Anyway, back to the moment- God knew – but we didn’t- that this moment in time was to be our last day to talk and sing. This moment after being in the hospital almost 3months, separated from her home and her loved ones so much of the time, this young 40 year old woman beamed with joy when I pulled out my ‘baby Taylor’ to play the hymn, “My Jesus, I Love Thee.”
This was no performance to be remembered for perfection, but this was a moment of precious and purest of praises. None of us knew this would be the last song. But God did. And unless I write this down today and record this moment, it might be forgotten, but God wants me to remember…
He wants me to remember so I can be reminded forever that He is in control. He is the Great Conductor. God knew that about 15 hours later, Jenny would suffer lack of oxygen and go into a coma for a short time, before going on home to Him. God’s the only One who knew, but we can know the song…we can know the song that she had on her mind, because we sang it together on that day, and God was with us because He inhabits pure praise:
“My Jesus I love Thee; I know Thou art mine. for Thee all the follies of sin I resign. My gracious Redeemer, My Savior art Thou. If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, ’tis now. (William R. Featherston)
To think that the ‘Great Conductor’ had Jenny and I reading together the last few visits in the Song of Songs, the Song of Solomon where we both discovered just how great His love is for us. We sang the words, “I know Thou art mine” in a most deep and rich way. Like two school girls that had been ‘kissed’ by Jesus:
“Behold, you are fair, my love! Behold you are fair! You have dove’s eyes…” (Song of Sol. 1:15). ”
 We had read also, “The voice of my beloved! Behold He comes leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills…behold He stands behind our wall; He is looking through the windows, Gazing through the lattice. My beloved spoke to me: “Rise up, my love,my fair one, And come away. For lo,
the winter is past, The rain is over and gone. the flowers appear on the earth; the time of singing has come…” (Song of Sol 2:8-10).
We sang on that monumental day: “I love Thee, Because Thou hast first loved me, And purchased my pardon On Calvary’s tree. I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow, If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, tis now.”
Jenny and I, through our time together were touched by the Lord. He knows about our thorns. He told us so, “Like a lily among thorns, So is my love among the daughters.” (Song of Sol 2:1). So we sang with such depth of meaning the words, “I love Thee for wearing the thorns on Thy brow,...” and we meant every word as we sang, “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus,tis now.”

These were not just words, they were spirit and we were worshiping our Lord in Spirit and in Truth and He was with us on that monumental day. He inhabited that amazing praise!
As time goes by, I don’t want to forget, so write I will, and when I sing this hymn, I always remember this day. The next two verses are so amazing, in that of all the hymns, this is the one that God chose for me to bring. God is in control, if you aren’t sure, read these words aloud as well, as we sang aloud that precious day:
“I’ll love Thee in life, I will love Thee in death. And praise Thee as long as Thou lendest me breath; And say when the death dew lies cold on my brow, “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus ’tis now.” Only God knew that the last breaths were approaching.
But this brings me the greatest of comfort, that God chose this song, because I will always wonder, “Lord, was Jenny hearing this song in her coma? So much mystery that only You know, Lord.”
But here are the words of the last verse we sang, so amazing, beyond glorious -truly God’s on the Throne: “In mansions of glory And endless delight, I’ll ever adore Thee In heaven so bright. I’ll sing with the glittering crown on my brow, “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, ’tis now.”
I’m thankful that God had me bring my guitar that day, I’m thankful for the song He chose. TO think that He was willing to wear that crown of thorns so we could wear a ‘glittering crown on our brows’! And when we get there, we will lay those crowns down at the feet of Him who loves us so.
So, if God has you go ‘outside the box’ and grab that hymn book, psalm, or even to grab that guitar ,to bring to someone whose been broken,  you might just witness, as I did that day, a monumental moment that you will  record in the journal of your heart, that God supernaturally heals you all, with His presence – you all have joy, no matter what happened or is going to transpire, God has a plan, and it’s something we can hold on to!
Lord, I miss Jenny so much. But I thank You that she is whole and alive forevermore. Soon and very soon we will be together again. Thank You for her life. Thank You for Yours! “If ever I loved Thee, My Jesus, ’tis now.”

Kinda like visiting Owl at Pooh's Corner…

I often feel, when I open my little book ‘Beside Still Waters’ by CH Spurgeon, as if I am Christopher Robin from Pooh Corner visiting Owl. Oh yes,
He makes me think and ask questions to myself… “No Smell of Fire.” (Daniel 3:27), the title leads, then he writes, “When you cherish Christ, the things of the world are of little value, and their loss is not heavily felt.”
Then I think, ‘cherish?’, that is a word that puts me at a wedding,at the moment of the vows: “to love and to cherish”. Spurgeon starts his thought with, “When you cherish Christ…” and he spurs me to ask myself,
“Do I cherish Christ?” for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or poorer? Can I? Do I…cherish Christ?… as long as I live? But then it hits me – Death will never part us, the Lord and myself. He is mine – today, tomorrow and forever. So, ‘Owl’, I mean “Spurgeon continues:
“When you cherish Christ, the things of the world are of little value, and their loss is not heavily felt. If you feel your losses and if your trials are so ponderous that Christ’s love cannot lift you from the dust, then you have made too much of the world and too little of Him.”
I never really thought of an ‘owl’ with a tough ‘kick’ but Spurgeon shows me otherwise! But, it is a gentle kick, so I keep reading, “I see a pair of balances. I see on one scale the loss…, but I perceive on the other scale the great love of Christ. Now we will see which weighs the most. If Jesus lifts the light affliction, all is well, but if the trouble outweighs Jesus, then it is indeed ill for us.” (Spurgeon, beside Still Waters, pg. 161).

OK, the owl can kick: “If you are so depressed by your trials that you cannot rejoice, even though your name is written in heaven, then I think you do not love Jesus as you should.”

“Get delightful thoughts of Him, and you will feel as if you lost a pebble but preserved a diamond. If you have a high sense of your Master’s preciousness, you will rejoice in the deepest distress. The sweet love of Christ, when placed on the deepest wound the soul can ever know, heals at once.”

Some words are simply worth writing again: “The sweet love of Christ, when placed on the deepest wound the soul can ever know, heals at once.”
God uses people, by filling them with His spirit, giving them spiritual wisdom, thus ‘opening their mouth with good things’ to be ‘a present help in times of trouble- just as Owl was to Christopher Robin, Spurgeon is to me. So God, gave this man, this ‘owl on Pooh’s corner’ so to speak, a prayer of healing written many years ago. Printed in some small book, that God would have me open on this particular day- Oh the wisdom of God!…shall we pray a prayer that heals?
Do we desire healing? Or do we want to continue with our hands hanging down? May we choose this day to not lose heart but to pray: “Jesus, Jesus, Jesus. Be within us, and we will make no choice of situations. Put us in Nebuchadnezzar’s furnace (Daniel 3:20); if Jesus walks the glowing coals as a companion, the fire will have no power, the hairs of our heads will not be singed, our garments will not be affected, and even the smell of fire will not be on them ” (Dan. 3:27).

I will choose to pray and not to lose heart. I will choose to remember that Jesus ‘walks the glowing coals’ of the fire that God has allowed us to be put in. That He is a companion, a very present help and that ‘the fire has no power and the hairs of our heads will not be singed…’you and I can rejoice’ even ‘in the deepest distress’ when we choose to take hold of faith.
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword?…Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.” (Romans 8:35-39).

“Do you take this Man to love and to cherish, for all of eternity?
“I do! I do! I cherish my Lord. His love makes me sing:
“Jesus Only You. Jesus only You! That is where I find my joy – Jesus only You.
You say You love me. You never change. Say You won’t leave me, You’re always the same.
You say You see me, and You hear all my prayers… Jesus Only You!” (Song by Toni Rypkema)(And if I had any tech sense I would know how to share it with you on some ukelele strings! Until then,… Jesus Only You!)
So in conclusion: I left Pooh’s corner with my visit with Owl – changed and turned around from when I came! Thank you Jesus for your word and for wise old ‘owls’ who wrote poems and comforting words so many years ago, just for me…just for me!

Jesus died for sinners.

Jesus died for the guilty. This is a fact.

I’m guilty, is another fact.

Every living human being on this planet is guilty. Go ahead and blame Adam and Eve, but we would have done the same thing if we were them.

We’re naturally rebellious. We all struggle with temptation and curiosity. Doesn’t the wisdom of the world always sound like it makes more sense than God’s Word?

Science and scholars convince themselves (and everyone else) that the Bible is only mythology and fables.

But, what we believe doesn’t change who God is, His story, or His Word.

The Bible tells us that Jesus died for liars.

He died for haters.

He died for adulterers and murderers.

Jesus faced nails hammered into His hands, the agony, ridicule, and shame of the cross for the hopeless.

I wonder if our denying Him hurts more than all His scars put together? The spit, the tearing out of His beard. The harsh words, the cruel behavior, the flogging, the whipping.

He didn’t say, “Forget it Father, these people aren’t worth dying for.”

Instead, when it was all said and done, moments before dying, Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they are doing . . . ” Luke 23:34.

Who can do this?

Jesus.

The human race is born spiritually blind and mute. Faith is the eye opener.

Do you know Jesus? Let an old hymn unlock Faith’s door:

I hear the Savior say,
Thy strength indeed is small,
child of weakness
Watch and Pray-
find in Me – thine all in all.

Jesus paid it all,
all to Him I owe.
Sin had left a crimson stain
He washed it white as snow!

He washed our stain of sin, white as snow. That’s why we make a big deal about Jesus. His power changes us when we ask forgiveness and believe in His name.

Lord, now indeed I find
Thy pow’r and Thine alone,
Can change the leper’s spots
And melt the heart of stone.

A heart of stone made soft? Change from the inside out?

That’s what Jesus does. And He humbles us of pride:

For nothing good have I
Where-by Thy grace to claim;
I’ll wash my garments white
In the blood of Calv’ry’s Lamb.

Nothing good on my part, save believing on all He has done.

Jesus paid it all. He suffers long and waits. And when we receive Him, life everlasting is ours for the taking:

And when, before the throne,
I stand in Him complete,
“Jesus died my soul to save,”
My lips shall still repeat. 

“Sin had left a crimson stain,

He washed it white as snow.”

Emotional Health 101

“Whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things,” Philippians 4:8
Eyes and ears, where are they? What are we repeating? The news, the daily troubles?  Does this break our heart and bring us down. Our emotional health needs a lift.
The Holy Book is our instruction manual, we are instructed to “Speak to one another in psalms and hymns.” Emotional health often comes when we go outside, but what if we are not able at this time. This hymn, I believe is the best remedy I can find:
This is my Father’s world,
And to my list’ning ears
All nature sings, and round me rings
The music of the spheres.
This is my Father’s world:
I rest me in the thought
Of rocks and trees, of skies and seas—
His hand the wonders wrought. (This is My Father’s World, Maltbie Babcock).
God is in control. We all know that we’re not. But we so often try to be, in control of everything.  The burdens are great, the cares are heavy, but today’s hymn lifts our eyes and ears out of doors, to help us let go, and let God lift us.
This is my Father’s world:
The birds their carols raise,
The morning light, the lily white,
Declare their Maker’s praise.
This is my Father’s world:
He shines in all that’s fair;
In the rustling grass I hear Him pass,
He speaks to me everywhere.
“He makes us to lie down on pastures of green,”(Psalm 23). Oh, how we need to be made to lie down at times, that we take in the beauty and rest in the beauty and power of His creation.
Jesus warned us, In this world you will have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” (John 16:33).
If God says to speak in hymns, then perhaps there’s healing when our ears hear aloud these  thoughts:
This is my Father’s world:
Oh, let me ne’er forget
That though the wrong seems oft so strong,
God is the ruler yet.
This is my Father’s world,
The battle is not done:
Jesus who died shall be satisfied,
And earth and Heav’n be one.
How hopeful are the words, reminding with melody that faithful is the Lord.
We must rest in God’s nature and faithfulness, and as Paul the Apostle exhorted for us to “rejoice in the Lord!
“It is a safeguard for you,” Paul writes in Phil. 3:1.
Help for frazzled nerves, to read or sing aloud, and also to meditate on Psalm 23. Stop and read the familiar sounds, this is where God’s glory abounds:

The Lord is my shepherd;
I shall not want.
 He makes me to lie down in green pastures;
He leads me beside the still waters.
 He restores my soul;
He leads me in the paths of righteousness
For His name’s sake.

 Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.

 You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies;
You anoint my head with oil;
My cup runs over.
 Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me
All the days of my life;
And I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Forever.

Psalm 23. The Holy Bible
Maltbie Davenport, This is My Father’s World

 

"Is God sleeping? Does He know what's going on?

God never sleeps. We must remind ourselves of this! Isaiah 40:27 God Himself even speaks about this! “Why do you say, O Jacob, and speak, O Israel: ‘My way is hidden from the LORD, and my just claim is passed over by my God’?

Do you know what He says next? Well, what He, the God of the Universe, the One who hears our cries and even collects our tears in a bottle- these words that He Himself speaks, need to be hidden in our hearts! We need to be able to sing these words throughout the day as a song of truth:
“Have you not known? Have you not heard?
The everlasting God, the LORD,
The Creator of the ends of the earth, Neither faints nor is weary.
His understanding is unsearchable.
He gives power to the weak, and to the those who have no might He increases strength.
Even the youths shall faint and be weary, and the young men shall utterly fall,
But those who wait on the LORD Shall renew their strength;
They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
They shall run and not be weary,
They shall walk and not faint.'”Isaiah 40:28-31.
God never sleeps, but we do- we become so weary, so tired-but we’ve got to wake up and hear God whisper in His tender truth: “Comfort, yes, comfort my people!”(Isaiah 40:1). Speak comfort to Jerusalem, and cry out to her, that her warfare is ended, that her iniquity is pardoned; For she has received from the LORD’S hand (forgiveness) double for all her sins.”(Isaiah 40:1,2)“Lord, how we need a ‘good word’ today. Wake up my soul to remember YOU! You speak comfort in that Jesus said “yes, Father, I am willing, I will pay their debt for sin in full. I will go the way of the cross.”
When I think on these things I can agree and speak as Isaiah:”O Zion, You who bring good tidings, get up into the high mountain; O Jerusalem, You who bring good tidings Lift up your voice with strength, lift it up, be not afraid; say to the cities of Judah,”Behold your God!” (Is. 40:9).
My eyes are open, I’m awake to hear, I am comforted, He’s speaking to me:”Have you not known? Have you not heard? Has it not been told you from the beginning? Have you not understood from the foundations of the earth? It is He who sits above the circle if the earth, and it’s inhabitants are like grasshoppers, who stretches out the heavens like a curtain…”
(Isaiah 40:21,22).
My God is so big! ‘He brings the princes to nothing’… I’m not going to say, Is God sleeping! He knows my name and He loves me. I’m awake now and I can sing “It is Well With My Soul”. I can let ” this blessed assurance control: that Christ HAS regarded my helpless estate and He’s shed His own blood for my soul!”
God’s awake, I’m awake, and I’m singing- how about you? Come let us worship God! He is worthy of our praise!

May we never forget-God desires to meet us with mercy…

Man may not be merciful at times, but God is. In fact, one of the most popular of all the psalms is Ps. 23 and it reminds us over and over again, as we meditate and think on God’s word as we are told to do, that ‘surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life’; that is, if we’ve decided to make the Lord our Shepherd!
God is merciful! It is in His being! He even gave a ‘plan’ to build His Tabernacle to Moses and the whole pattern was written up, but the very first place that God gave His pattern, was the Ark of the Covenant. He told Moses Himself that He would meet us at the mercy seat.
Have you ever looked at God’s plans? The whole pattern and plan is laid out for us in Exodus 25-28, of which I want to record for me, and perhaps anyone else that might want to remember, is that it all starts, not at the door or even the altar, (which have to do with things I have to do, like ‘go through the door and bring an offering at the altar’), NO, God’s word let’s us know where it all begins- it begins with HIM!
Well God told Moses to speak to the children of Israel about ‘a pattern’ He had for the Sanctuary, for  the Tabernacle. He said, “Let them construct a sanctuary for Me, that I may dwell among them.”(Ex. 25:8). “According to all that I am going to show you, as the pattern of the tabernacle and the pattern of all its furniture, just so you shall construct it.” (Ex. 25:9).
First and foremost, the very next verse is not about the altar, not about the door  or the place of washing; all the places where we have to be busy ‘doing’ or anything else-like I previously mentioned, because it is very important that we remember that- the very first verse of instruction is: (Ex. 25:10), “And they shall make an ark…” 
This is where God wants everything to begin when we think of sanctuary of God. So, we ask, “What’s the ark all about?” Here’s the pattern:“They shall construct an ark of acacia wood two and a half cubits long, and one and a half cubits wide, and one and a half cubits high. You shall overlay it with pure gold, inside and out you shall overlay it, and you shall make a gold molding , (or crown), around it.”(Ex. 25:10). 
You see, acacia wood speaks of humanity, ‘Jesus came as a man’, or in Isaiah’s words, “He grew up…like a root out of parched ground;” (Is. 53:2). And this ‘acacia wood’, when pierced, it would pour forth a ‘gum resin’ that had healing properties for cuts and sores, just as Jesus was ‘pierced by the flagellum’ and we remember Isaiah’s words, “By His stripes we are healed.” (Is. 53:5). And about the molding or crown, yes, Jesus wore a crown of thorns, but He will also be crowned with a crown of gold, (Rev. 14:14).
This 4 foot, by 2 foot, by 2 foot, wooden box covered with pure gold is the first instruction for God’s tabernacle, this box is a picture of Jesus…HE is what matters FIRST, not all the ‘stuff we think we need to DO to please God, it’s first about Him. The pattern of the sanctuary begins with Him…but it doesn’t end there:
“You shall put into the ark the testimony which I shall give you.” (Ex. 25:16).
So, inside this box, were to  be placed the 10 commandments written by the ‘finger of God’ on tablets of stone. (Ex. 31:18). Think on this: The ark is a picture of Jesus, so to speak. And, the Law was to be kept in this ark. He actually is the ONLY ONE who is able to KEEP the 10 commandments. We all have missed the mark. We can’t keep the 10 commandments – Jesus alone can! He is the only ONE who can say, and He did say, “I always do the things that please the Father.” (John 8:29). We most certainly can’t say these words! But God knows this! He has a plan. He knows what we need…
“You shall make a mercy seat of pure gold, two and a half cubits long and one and a half cubits wide. You shall make two cherubim of gold, make them of hammered work at the two ends of the mercy seat. Make one cherub at one end and one cherub at the other end; you shall make the cherub of one piece with the mercy seat at its two ends…” (Ex. 25:17-19).
“The cherubim shall have their wings spread upward, covering the mercy seat with their wings and facing one another, the faces of the cherubim are to be turned toward the mercy seat. You shall put the mercy seat on top of the ark, and in the ark you shall put the testimony which I will give to you.” (Ex. 25:20-21).
The Master Artist had a pattern and design, and He had a plan: “There I will meet with you; and from above the mercy seat, from between the two cherubim which are upon the ark of the testimony,…”(Ex. 25:22). God says, “I will meet you at the mercy seat.”
First comes the relationship! “I will meet you…at the mercy seat.”
Well, there is a story in the Bible (1 Sam 6), when the ark was captured by the Philistines and they put the ark with their god Dagon. Well, the next morning, their god Dagon was on his face. So they picked him up. But the next morning Dagon had fallen over again, but this time his head broke off as well as his hands. so the Philistines got rid of the ark and sent it back home. Needless to say, the children of Israel were very happy to get their ark back, but in the excitement, they took the liberties to lift the mercy seat to see what was inside. Well, on that day, 50, 070 people died – all because they ‘lifted the mercy seat’ to uncover the Law.
And, this is true for you and me as well. It can be ‘deadly’ when we ‘lift the mercy seat’ so to speak to get to the inside of the matter! This can lead to death of relationships in families or friends, etc.
“The letter of the Law kills” Paul wrote in 2 Cor 3:6, “But the Spirit gives life.”
God knows we can’t keep His Law. He knows we ‘miss the mark’. He’s provided for us a mercy seat, made of pure gold. He doesn’t lift it to get to the bottom, no, He covers it with His mercy and meets us there. God dwells above the mercy seat!
“Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy.” Matthew 5:7 says. Have you been wronged. Have you been lied to, hurt, and become broken? Are you angry and vengeful? “Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy,” the Bible says.
But what I think is the most amazing – is God knew in this broken world we would face a lot of hurt, and trial and pain,but He gave us a picture of where He meets us  first – and we’ve hurt Him, over and over again in our disobedience and hardness of heart continually- He meets us…with mercy, so that we might be a merciful people to others.
The pattern is precise, according to the Master Artis’s plan, so that we would have picture to remember:…”and there I will meet with you, and I will commune with you from above the mercy seat…” Oh, the beauty of our merciful and compassionate Lord.
It’s not just a pattern of a box, it’s a picture of Jesus. He paid it all. God says, The Law is kept perfect in My Son.  I often think, Blessed are those who have received God’s mercy, because then He ‘fills us’ with His mercy -all according to His Master plan!
“He has shown you, O man, what is good; And what does the LORD require of you But to do justly, to love mercy, and to walk humbly with you God?” (Micah 6:8).
“Lord, You have met us with mercy, please enable us to meet others with mercy as well, that we might bring glory to You and glorify Your name. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.

Out of the mouth of babes…

“Assuredly, I (Jesus) say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will by no means enter it.”Mark 10:15.

We can learn so much from children. Today, feeling the lack of courage, I remember a story, one of which I am so thankful was written, so as to be strengthened in my love for God, and to be more worried about what HE THINKS than man! Oft times, God uses children to speak to us ‘adults’!

The story, “The Courage of a Child, p288 from the book  “Jesus Freaks, by dc Talk and the Voice of the Martyrs, Stories of those who stood for Jesus: the ultimate Jesus Freaks. The story is told like this:
“Siao-Mei, 5 years old,Mainland China.  During the Red Guard Era, 1966-69. 
“Over and over, a mother spoke soothing words to her five-year-old child as they sat in their dark, damp cell. The woman was in jail because she had protested against the arrest of her bishop; her child was in jail because the little girl had nowhere else to go.
All the prisoners were indignant at seeing the child suffer so. Even the prison director said to the mother,”Don’t you have pity on your daughter? Just declare that you give up being a Christian and will not go to church anymore. Then you and the child will be free.”
In despair the woman agreed, and she was released. After two weeks, she was forced to shout from a stage before 10,000 people, “I am no longer a Christian.” On their return home, the child, who had stood near her when she denied her faith, said, “Mummy, today Jesus is not satisfied with you.” The mother explained, “You wept in prison. I had to say this out of love for you.” Siao-Mei replied,”I promise that if we go to jail again for Jesus, I will not weep.”
The mother ran to the prison director and told him, “You convinced me I should say wrong things for my daughter’s sake, but she has more courage than I.” Both went back to prison. But Siao-Mei no longer wept.’
Whatever ‘prison’ the Lord has allowed in your life on this day, whatever pain the Lord has allowed, whatever great sorrow- Jesus KNOWS and He is with us. We can have joy, deep down, just knowing He is with us.
The little 5 year old no longer wept with tears in her eyes, because she knew that Jesus had His eyes on her with ‘satisfaction’ and love. He was God and she trusted Him no matter what!
Psalm 34:4,5,” I prayed to the Lord, and He answered me, freeing me from all my fears. Those who look to Him for help will be radiant with joy; no shadow of shame will darken their faces.”
Today, today, let us pray to the Lord. He will answer and free us from all our fears. We may look to Him for help and we will be radiant with joy; we will have no shadow of shame to darken our faces! The joy of the Lord will be our strength! To think that God could use such a young child to move her mama to a path of victory and joy, and it would actually be…back in the prison! Who knows what great things the Lord did there!
“Lord, may we no longer weep through the trials of our days, may we be strengthened in You -no matter what. Oh that we could love You as much as little Siao-Mei! Thank you that this little one was more worried about what You thought than a multitude of people! Siao-Mei, and all 5 years old of her, was living simply for…an audience of One! Help us Lord to do the same! In Jesus name, Amen.”
I can only imagine, but I think when that mommy looked her little girl in the eyes in that prison, and she saw Jesus in those eyes. And she was strengthened to pray and not be afraid, and there was no shadow of shame to darken their faces anymore!

love your enemies… 'clinging to that old rugged cross!'

Corrie Ten Boom who was put in a concentration camp during World War ll, who suffered great loss and was treated cruelly along with many others penned these words:
“Even as the angry vengeful thoughts boiled through me, I saw the sin of them. Jesus Christ had died for this man; was I going to ask for more? “Lord Jesus”, I prayed, “forgive me and help me to forgive him….Jesus, I cannot forgive him. Give me your forgiveness…”
And so I discovered that it is not on our forgiveness any more than on our goodness that the world’s healing hinges, but on His. When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives along with the command, the love itself.”
― Corrie Ten Boom, The Hiding Place
Forgiveness and grace to ‘love our enemies’ is not in our own capacities at all-however, they are in the Lord’s. Thus the expression, ‘I will cling to the old rugged cross’ means something to me. You see, the words aren’t simply ‘I’m looking to the cross’ or even ‘I’m near the cross’ – NO – the words in an age old hymn are much more desperate and urgent than that: ‘I will CLING to the old rugged cross’!
Is there anyone else in this desperate place? There is cruelty and there is anger being poured out on the innocent! This is a difficult day!Things just aren’t done in ‘righteousness and truth’ anymore. I really wish I liked the melody line more, of this hymn, ‘The Old Rugged Cross’, but I am going to try to make it my own and play this one and speak these words, because God exhorts us to ‘speak in Psalms and hymns’ and make spiritual melody in our hearts to the Lord- so that a complete and perfect work of ‘forgiveness’ can take place in my broken vessel! I have no idea how to ‘love my enemies’.But as Corrie Ten Boon said, I will believe: “When He tells us to love our enemies, He gives along with the command, the love itself.”
So, “I will cling to the old rugged cross, And exchange it some day for a crown.” Yes, we will wear forgiveness and mercy like a crown, just like our Jesus. This is where I want to dwell and keep my thoughts when I am challenged in the ‘forgive’ task.
“On a hill far away, stood an old rugged cross, The emblem of suffering and shame.
And I love that old cross Where the dearest and best, For a world of lost sinners was slain. So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross, till my trophies at last I lay down, I will cling to the old rugged cross, And exchange it some day for a crown.”
“Oh, that old rugged cross, So despised by the world, Has a wondrous attraction for me; for the dear Lamb of God, Left His glory above, To bear it to dark Calvary.” So, I’ll cherish the old rugged cross….
I will cling to the old rugged cross and exchange it some day for a crown!”
Jesus could bear that cross at dark Calvary, and suffer to take my punishment today, yesterday and even tomorrow, even for all our sin; can we bear this cross to forgive for Him and His glory? ‘Clinging to the old rugged cross…
“To the old rugged cross I will ever be true, It’s shame and reproach gladly bear; Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away Where His glory forever I’ll share…
“So I’ll cherish the old rugged cross, Till my trophies at last I lay down; I will cling to the old rugged cross, And exchange it some day…
for a crown.”
Today, with all the grace and outpouring of the Holy Spirit, I will wear forgiveness as a crown on this thorny ol’ earth, clinging, yes, clinging to that old rugged cross.

…a river whose streams shall make glad

When I wake, I wake up very little. I wake up with my world feeling literally like the energy and the franetic-ness  of Times Square in NYC.
And each morning I need to have God ‘make me lie down’ and He brings me to ‘green pastures’, but today to a river… He illuminated a verse I have always loved, Ps. 46:1.  “There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God…”
(Woke up feeling my life was  like a bustling city),but ‘there is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God’, so I read on: “The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High God is in the midst of her;”
The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High God was in the midst of the children of Israel, and THAT is where God dwelt THEN, and today the Bible says that those who believe on Him that the Father has sent, (yes, that ‘Him’ is Jesus), that WE are the Temple of God, and that the Spirit of God dwells in us.  (1Cor. 3:16.)
Jesus declared,”If any man thirst, let him come unto Me and drink and out of his innermost being shall gush forth torrents of living water.” (John 7:37,38)  But wait, why are we so thirsty Lord? Fill me Lord, Fill us Lord with Your Holy Spirit! How we need a filling of the ‘river whose streams make glad the city of God. (vs 5)”God is in the midst of her; She shall not be moved.”
So, in the morning when we rise, Lord, transport us from the chaos of our thoughts and cause us to hear Your lovingkindness , to  hear You speak, “Come to the waters and drink, for there is a river…God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.”
Jesus is saying to me, personally, today, “Toni, do you believe?   That ‘there is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God,  (and that) God is in the midst of her;  she shall not be moved;    God shall help her, just at the break of dawn.”
Psalm 46: “God is our refuge and strength, A very present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear, Even though the earth be removed, And though the mountains be carried into  the midst of the sea; Though its waters roar and be troubled, Though the mountains shake with its swelling. Selah…There is a river whose streams shall make glad the city of God, The holy place of the tabernacle of the Most High. God is in the midst of her, she shall not be moved; God shall help her, just at the break of dawn. The nations raged, the kingdoms were moved; He uttered His voice, the earth melted. The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge.  Selah…(Psalm 46:1-7).
Perhaps one moment at a time, I can choose to live by faith and not by sight, because God, ‘there is a river whose streams shall make glad…’ and I’ve got a ‘river of life’ flowing out of me – “The LORD of hosts is with us; The God of Jacob is our refuge. Selah…(Ps. 46:11). ‘Spring up O well, and fill my soul. Spring up O well, and make me whole…’

God used cancer in my life…for good, all good

Job, a man who honored God, went through trial, and more trial and even more trial. But after a great amount of time, the Lord did speak. The Lord did answer Job: “The LORD answered Job out of the whirlwind, and said: “Gird up thy loins now like a man:”(KJV).
Oh, the mystery of God’s word, but so worth the effort to discover it’s meaning!
God used cancer in my life to be that whirlwind, to wake me up to LIFE.
You see, my vision was horizontal, yes, I had the Lord, but I was heavy-hearted and focused on troubles more than focusing on the Lord. The fruit in my life was being ‘choked’ because of the weeds of worry and the thorns of sorrow and loss.
My Father in heaven, in the midst of this cancer fight spoke in His word, to me personally,(even though originally they were written for Job). On this day, the word was opened, my body was sick and broken, my emotions were shot and I was anxious, but God, my loving Father spoke directly to me:
“Gird up!”, “Get up!”
Peter uses the ‘gird up’ expression in 1 Peter 1:13,
“Therefore gird up the loins of your mind,
be sober,
and rest your hope fully
upon the grace that is to be brought to you
at the revelation of Jesus Christ.”
Well, one meaning of the word ‘gird up’, is ‘to cinch up the robe you are wearing to allow you to move with agility and purpose.’
But, ‘gird up the loins of your mind’?
Perhaps it helps to read the verse from the Amplified Bible,
“So brace up your minds; be sober – circumspect [morally alert]; set your hope wholly and unchangeably on the grace (divine favor) that is coming to you when Jesus Christ, the Messiah, is revealed.”1 Peter 1:13.
God was revealing His Son, Jesus Christ to me. Not like any beautiful building could, or perfect environment or location, No, God chose to reveal who He was through…a huge trial!
‘Jesus Christ the Messiah’ is revealed through God’s word, and God had a word for me on this dark and cold ‘day’ in my life! I turned to Psalm 73:1, and very plainly, it spoke:
“Truly God is good.” Psalm 73:1.
This basic truth was my battle! Did I or did I not believe this? Could I ‘brace up my mind’ and set my hope on all that Jesus is, even in loss and suffering?
The lie of the enemy says: ” How can a good God allow this?” “God will take stuff away.” Or, “Isn’t God trying to keep you away from fun? Isn’t God trying to hold something back from you?”
But the word of God in Psalm 73:1, says, “Truly God is good.”
Do we agree with the word, or do we argue and disagree with God and say in our hearts, and even believe:
“Obviously in all this trouble, God does not care.”
There is enough stubbornness in me(then and now!) that I made the choice to ‘brace up my mind…and set my hope wholly and unchangeably on the grace that is coming to us…’ What if none of this is true? What if what I believed was all in my head? What did I lose?
I made the choice to believe God’s word and agree with God’s word and guess what?
I began to be restored. I was being restored in my soul. Just like the Bible says: “the law of the LORD is perfect restoring the soul;”Ps. 19:7. It is powerfully, amazingly alive and true. God’s word restored my soul!
When troubles and loss occurred, even before my diagnosis to cancer, did I panic? Even with the Lord, yes. I was afraid and struggled with fear. Did I panic? Did I doubt? Yes, all of that.
But I knew where to run! And run I did: “The name of the LORD is a strong tower, the righteous run to it and are safe!” (Proverbs 18:10). ‘Gird up’ your thoughts Toni, take every thought captive and think truth! This was God’s loving exhortation! He didn’t discipline me and let me go- NO, God began restoring me because His name is: ‘Gracious and Compassionate and Slow to Anger and Abounding in Truth and Forgiving iniquity and sin and extending mercy to generations’ (thank you Gayle Erwin for your wonderful breakdown of Exodus 34:6,7). That is the name I ran to, the strong tower from my enemy. When the world turns a cold, dark cloud your way, God remains, even in the great darkness.
I made the choice to believe God’s word and let the revelation of the goodness of God transform me.
This is what God’s word says about affliction:
“This is my comfort in my affliction, For Your word has given me life.” (Psalm 119:50)
‘Gird up’!
“Thank you Lord, for the brokenness and pain and even the suffering, because you came down and answered me out of the whirlwind. I’m giving You praise, Lord, today.”
“Awake, you who sleep, Arise from the dead, and Christ will give you light.” (Eph. 5:14,15).
 God woke me up! He used the cancer in my life so that I could ‘gird up’ and start really ‘believing’ what I always believed! Yes, God is good, He makes all things work together for good!
Cry out to Jesus. He hears. He’s alive. He came down then, He comes down now and He says, “It is I, do not be afraid.”
Believe in Jesus. He is able to accomplish all that concerns you…today.
How do I know? Because He did and He continues to do all this for me. My part? Is simply to believe and receive…not just once and for all, no, but for every waking breath and moment. May God richly bless you as He reveals His Son, Jesus Christ, who is the author and the finisher of our faith!  And He is good, yes, God is good. Amen.

What will keep the children safe?

A mama prays always for ‘safety’ for her children. That’s just what being a mama is all about! Eating the right foods to have the ‘safety’ of good health and energy. Wearing the right clothes to stay ‘safely’ healthy and comfortable.Teaching the ‘way home’ for now… and forever,and encouraging a ‘safe’ attitude about school so that one day each child can get a job! But God simplifies for His children what will keep them ‘safe’, when it’s all said and done: “Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord.” (Phil 3:1, words of Paul while he was sitting in a cold,dank jail cell!)
Yes, God inspired and breathed words that were to be placed in the Holy Bible during a physically miserable time in Paul’s life, yet he pens: ” Finally, my brethren, rejoice in the Lord. For me to write the same things to you is not tedious, but for you it is safe.” (Phil 3:1.) Paul even goes on to write in the same letter, “Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!” (Phil 4:4). The exclamation point and all, in the cold, dank jail. And he writes so as God’s children stay ‘safe.’
Foundational to emotional health and spiritual health is no mystery, God makes it plain. Did you know that when the foundation of the 2nd Temple (of Zurubbabel) was being laid in Israel, (because the 1st Temple of Solomon was destroyed by the Babylonians) we have recorded for us the entire eye witness account? Being that God reminds us, “Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God and you are not your own?”(1 Cor. 6:19). Our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit, what is foundational for us to stay safe? Here’s the account:
“When the builders laid the foundation of the temple of the LORD, they set the priests in their apparel with trumpets, and the Levites, the sons of Asaph, with cymbals, to praise the LORD, according to the ordinance of David king of Israel. And they sang responsively, praising and giving thanks unto the LORD;
“For He is good, For his mercy endures forever toward Israel.” Then all the people shouted with a great shout, when they praised the LORD, because the foundation of the house of the LORD was laid.” (Ezra 3:10-110.
That’s not just recorded once in this hidden letter in the Old Testament. God makes sure this is put in the Bible again- this is foundational! Foundational to keep His children safe- is a thankful heart!
No matter what! Psalm 107:1, “O give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever.” That’s how Paul could write when he had no idea what his future held, “Rejoice in the Lord. For me to write the same things to you is not tedious, but for YOU it is safe.” Children, young and old, whether in green pastures or rough seas, take hold of something foundational- it is easy to ‘give thanks to the Lord’ when we, His children remember, He doesn’t give us what we deserve, He gives us grace and mercy forever! This earth is not our home, we have a home being prepared for us in heaven, “if it were not so, I would have told you”, Jesus told us in John 14.
Do you need some good news? Do you need help being thankful? This is the Song that was sung when the 2nd Temple was being laid. Maybe your Temple has been torn down like the first Temple of Solomon was, but a song was sung when the foundation was being laid for the 2nd. God is a God of 2nd chances, shall we gather together as in that day Ezra recorded and sing that same song? Fathers, Mothers, children; families- lets stay safe and gather together:
OH, give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! For His mercy endures forever. Let the redeemed of the LORD say so, Whom He has redeemed from the hand of the enemy, And gathered out of the lands,… they wandered in the wilderness in a desolate way; They found no city to dwell in. Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them. Then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, And He delivered them out of their distresses. And He led them forth by the right way,That they might go to a city for habitation.
Oh that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness, And for His wonderful works to the children of men! For He satisfies the hungry soul, and fills the hungry soul with goodness.” (Psalm 107:1-9).

But that’s not all, the song has more, so rich and full of healing…”He sent His word and healed them, And delivered them from their destructions.”(Ps. 107:20). But take note, these healing words come AFTER, “Fools because of transgression, And because of iniqities, were aflilicted. Their soul abhorred all manner of food, and they drew near the gates of death. THEN…”
the pause is mine, “Selah”, because God’s children mess up! Just like the mamas and the papas and the children of the world,but do you want to see God…
“…then they cried out to the LORD in their trouble, And He saved them out of their distresses!” ( Ps. 107:19. exclamation point mine!)
Children, young and old, all the children of the world, ‘red, brown, yellow, black, and white’ you are all precious in His sight -“God who made the world and everything in it, since He is Lord of heaven and earth, does not dwell in temples made with hands. Nor is He worshiped with men’s hands, as though He needed anything, since He gives to all life, breath, and all things.
And He has made from one blood every nation of men to dwell on all the face of the earth…so they should seek the Lord, in the hope that they might grope for Him, though He is not far from each one of us; for in Him we live and move and have our being…”
(Acts 17:24-27).
“Oh, that men would give thanks to the LORD for His goodness, And for His wonderful works to the children of men! Let them sacrifice the sacrifices of thanksgiving, and declare His works with rejoicing.” (Psalm 107:21,22).

“Lord, keep us safe…keep Your children THANKFUL! Because GOD, You are good!” in Jesus name, Amen.
Do I hear an “Amen?”

a mama remembers, birth…

Today, Sept 10th was the day many years ago that our first born child was born.

Labor, with all of it’s ‘walking through uncharted territory’, or better said, ‘breathing through uncharted territory’ one moment at a time, is much like the days and weeks, months and years ahead! It’s all ‘uncharted territory!’ Even with the books and the resources, but God is there.

Yes, He is, even if we aren’t sure He is at times. He is gracious and compassionate and surrounds us with mercy. He doesn’t give us what we deserve. How do I know? Because on this most precious day, so many years ago, a child was born and he was handed to me…to me. He was perfectly beautiful. His eyes were open, he was alert and I will never forget this moment in all of time, but…

he looked for me, for my eyes, this brand new little guy, just birthed and swaddled – looked for me! And when our eyes met, I was amazed how alert he was.

I will never forget this moment for as long as I live, but my immediate response was, “Hi!” I was meeting an individual, a unique, one of a kind personality, created and knit together in my womb for months on end by the Creator of the Universe, and he was loaned to me! Right from the start, this amazing miracle in my arms was a gift from God.

Crazy to think that God would entrust us ‘broken vessels’ to care for His treasures, but He does. He lets us mamas and papas come to the end of ourselves over and over again in the midst of the ‘baby-toddler-schooling days-sickness-and changes, (of many varieties,) only in time to discover…God is there.
He is there, and He loves us. He is love.

God is there today, when I have to be far away from a child who’s heart has been knit to mine. God is there, yesterday today and forever and He doesn’t change. And He provides a birthday gift everyday,even when my gifts seem feeble and weak, He gives the ‘good and perfect gift’ of the Holy Spirit, to abide with us, even when we are no longer here. God gives a birthday gift, of which I pray, “O Lord, fill us everyday!”

Thank you Jesus for each of my children, but today, it’s all about my first born son. Thank you for so much beauty all wrapped up in that little bundle so many years ago, trusting him with us, for all the uncharted paths, but You gave us one thing my dear Lord, as this little present was handed to us, You give us Your Presence, presently, each and every day – so as we ‘labor’ through life with each passing day, I pray for my son, that You would keep his eyes looking, always looking for You, and on those days where, well, You know what this earth is like Lord, will You touch his precious heart and remind him, I AM here.”