Tag: faith

Hope for 2020. Where does our help come from?

https://seekthingsabove.files.wordpress.com/2012/07/4595177604_49db06e213.jpg

As our world enters a new decade, 2020, do we often feel like pilgrims in a foreign place?

Do our heart’s long for a homeland of peace and truth? Stepping up to hope for our upcoming year is found in our own personal, active worship to the LORD.

I won’t use the word god, because in this day, as in the Bible days, there were many gods among the people.

In ancient Israel, the people would travel in companies up to Jerusalem three times a year to worship the LORD, YHWH. They would sing pilgrim’s songs, marching songs to the true, eternal God, defined as the Creator of heaven and earth.

The songs are recorded for us in the Psalms of ascent.

The early steps of the journey, step by step, began with a company of singers proclaiming their heart.

Tell me, does your heart not cry out these phrases?

I took my troubles to the Lord;
    I cried out to him, and he answered my prayer.
 Rescue me, O Lord, from liars
    and from all deceitful people . . .
 

How I suffer in far-off Meshech.
    It pains me to live in distant Kedar.
 I am tired of living
    among people who hate peace.
 I search for peace;
    but when I speak of peace, they want war! Psalm 120 NLT.

But as Christmas decorations get put away, in this new year of 2020, we must be diligent to keep our Jesus in full view, for this world is a battle zone.

“I search for peace;
    but when I speak of peace, they want war!”

Many words are spoken by the people and leaders around. But only God knows the heart of man.

Some words have been shoved aside because they’re offensive, but when someone has an invasive cancer, the attack is often bitter treatments. Our world is sick with a cancer.

The original word of this particular sickness, (which needs to be resurrected to make sense of this upside down world) is . . . sin.

The heart of people, all people, is deceitful. We are all prone to war in our minds. All have sin. (Romans 3:23).

None of us escape this condition, but thanks to the Lord, He gave us Jesus.

Where does our help come from?

Did we not sing the song this Christmas?

“Hark the herald angels sing, Glory to the newborn King!
Peace on earth and mercy mild
God and sinners reconciled”
Joyful, all ye nations rise
Join the triumph of the skies
With angelic hosts proclaim:
“Christ is born in . . .

our hearts today?

Hail the Heav’n-born Prince of Peace!
Hail the Son of Righteousness!

Yes, we must lift our eyes and worship aloud. The heaven-born Prince of peace abides in a heart of praise. Do we need peace? Do we need light?

We must receive this Prince of Peace. We must believe He loves us and came to heal each of us individually.

This new year can we put sound to the words? Do we dare sing aloud the never aging words of hymns and psalms. We must receive in order to . . . receive:


Light and life to all He brings
Ris’n with healing in His wings
Mild He lays His glory by
Born that man no more may die
Born to raise the sons of earth
Born to give them second birth

We live in a world that needs help, . . . one person at a time. Help comes from the LORD who made heaven and earth.

I look up to the mountains—
    does my help come from there?
My help comes from the Lord,
    who made heaven and earth! Psalm 121.

The wise men came to worship the New-born King. Do we take time to worship Him. Do we go out of our way to give Him praise? This is a New Year. We will answer,

“Yes!”

“Thank You Lord, for saving my soul. Thank You Lord, for making me whole. Thank You Lord, for giving to me, Thy great salvation so rich and free.”

God’s provision of the Babe come down to later die on the cross that Peace on earth and mercy mild God and sinners reconciled.”

We say, “Amen. Let it be in me.”

Jesus is our gift for each day of this new year.

Let’s worship the Prince of Peace, in the assembly of the congregation, stepping up with community that we might live with renewed courage every waking day.

Speak, sing, mumble, grown, to the LORD it’s glorious if it’s praise and adoration to Him, the Creator of heaven, earth, and the incredible life we see.

Our help comes from the LORD.

Yes, we lift up our voices exalt His great Name:

 He will not let you stumble;
    the one who watches over you will not slumber.
 Indeed, he who watches over Israel
    never slumbers or sleeps.

 The Lord himself watches over you!
    The Lord stands beside you as your protective shade.
 The sun will not harm you by day,
    nor the moon at night.

 The Lord keeps you from all harm
    and watches over your life.
 The Lord keeps watch over you as you come and go,
    both now and forever Psalm 121.

“Praise be to our God, the Maker of heaven and earth, forever.”

 Hark the Herald Angels Sing. 1739, Hymns and Sacred Poems, Charles Wesley and George Whitefield.



Let the Christmas Tree Speak (when the mood might be bleak)

Not in the mood for the Christmas cheer? Think on Jesus. He’s the reason we bring in the tree each year.

Some might not know it, some might not care, but the Christmas Tree has a speech from it’s core to share.

Imagine with me and listen down deep. Let God show you His gift. He changes things . . . supernaturally.

Open the door and bring it on in. Don’t be boggled down with origin.

Simply bring in the tree and get it right, in quiet or noise, and wrap around the light.

Place an ornament or two, three, or more, and bring back old memories from Christmases before.

Have a seat. Rest, and listen after the task,

“Listen?” With my ears, you might ask.

“Yes, but with your soul and heart,” I pray. “The annual Christmas Tree has so much to say.”

Untangle your thoughts.  Unweave your mind. Withdraw from all schedule for a moment of time.

The Christmas Tree lights reflect off colored spheres, much like the moon, that draws our gaze near.

“Remember Me,” says a still quiet voice.

Let Me in, I bring calm and peace in the day’s noise.

The Tree is a symbol of what was, what is, what is to come. I represent God, His nature, His glorious Kingdom.

I AM the Vine, I Am Light. I AM beauty. I AM the Bright and morning Star. I AM the Beginning of Christmas, the angels proclaimed from afar,

“Glory to God in the highest and on earth peace and goodwill to all men.”

God’s will is that I come,

to be a sacrifice for all isn.

The tree points up, to heaven above, yet it sits on the ground to remind you,

I have come down,

to be cut off,

to be thirsty,

to bleed on the cross.

To rise again in glory.

I understand all things.

I came for you, to provide salvation. Let this Evergreen Tree speak revelation.

I came that I might die on a tree. That you might believe, and rise as Me.

Talk to the children about My everlasting beauty. Look at the Tree. It’s a symbol of Me.

Tell them I give. I gave. I Am all this world needs.

I wait for that day, when My gift,

is whole-heartedly received.

Forgiveness and grace, and promise to someday see Me,

face to face.

O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!
How richly God has decked thee!
Thou bidst us true and faithful be,
And trust in God unchangingly.
O Christmas Tree! O Christmas Tree!

I hear Your love. “Yes, I receive.”

O God, You have come down to set us free!

“O come let us adore Him, O come let us adore Him, O come let us adore Him, Christ the Lord.”

Why Write?

I felt as if God woke me up and put on my heart, “Get up and write.” Not only last night, but after the cancer diagnosis.

“You’ve got cancer,” were the words from the Doctor eight years ago.

As many of you know, these words change your lives forever.

The urgency to write came. And, yes, even if the words were written primarily for me. God wanted me to write.

I didn’t know then that I would see eight years out, as I am today. During treatments, everything’s a blur.

I wrote to keep my vision as clear as possible of the Lord.

And, many of you know, I didn’t always have clear vision. Often, my view became distorted, warped, foggy. I needed help staying on course.

I’ll never forget a phone call with my sister Susie after a handful of treatments. I was more than under the weather. I felt thrown under the bus. (I will be blunt and honest,

I’m a believer in Jesus. He has washed my horrible sins away. He gave me His Holy Spirit to convict, convince, and reveal Christ . . .

I was hurting and completely without strength. I wanted to go home!  To heaven, home. Yes, exclamation point).

My sister Susie said the best words I needed to hear that day. They don’t seem like much, but they were the perfect reminder I needed to hear:

“Toni, people that keep faith do better in their battle.”

That was it. I had to keep faith.

Immediately, I had the will to live return. God does the changes in our heart that we can’t do ourselves.

That’s why I write. To remind myself Christ is the Rock. Cancer is not a podium to stand on, no, Jesus must be lifted up because He’s the giver of life after death. Jesus is the hope of heaven.

Jesus is our everything. We don’t realize it until someone gives you a death sentence.

The one truth in life, that is often pushed out of sight out of mind, is the fact that 100% of us will die. At some time or another, each of us will face death.

But I write because I don’t have to face death. This is the glory of it all. Our resurrected Lord, will resurrect us to be with Him in paradise. We only graduate to our home.

But we need each other. To spur us on for love and good works. My sister spurred me on to the best work I could ever do in my whole life: Keep believing God. Always.

When we don’t have strength to hold on, He’s got a hold on us.

Don’t condemn yourself for becoming weary and faithless. He is faithful. And, while it is today,

I will write, to the glory of God, I will.

“Where, O death, is your victory?

    Where, O death, is your sting?”[i]

 The sting of death is sin, and the power of sin is the law. 57 But thanks be to God! He gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.

 Therefore, my dear brothers and sisters, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain” 1 Corinthians 15:55-58.

God is good. All the time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Because of His new mercies, my meditation is a song.

A Psalm of David, so long ago, was penned and written for the Chief Musician.

Psalm 139, I pray will stay close to my heart as I take hold of His hand.

Before my feet hit the floor, may I meditate on who He is, and by His help better understand.

My walk is as a messy poem, but God in His great mercy never leaves me alone:

 O Lord, You have searched me and known me.
 You know my sitting down and my rising up;

You understand my thought afar off.
 You comprehend my path and my lying down,
And are acquainted with all my ways.

 For there is not a word on my tongue,
But behold, O Lord, You know it altogether.

 You have hedged me behind and before,
And laid Your hand upon me.

 Such knowledge is too wonderful for me;
It is high, I cannot attain it.

If these words be true, (You have pronounced Your Word as truth), help me today to believe.
Help me remember . . .You.
Sanctify them by the truth; your word is truth, John 17:17 states.
So, in knowing and seeing it all, You can see clearly, I often make many mistakes.
You are already clean because of the word I have spoken to you. John15:3.
I don’t completely understand, but I receive a washing in the morning as  I read.
Let this Word be a continual song I sing:

Where can I go from Your Spirit?
Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there;

If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.

 If I take the wings of the morning,
And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me,
And Your right hand shall hold me.

 If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,”
Even the night shall be light about me;

Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You,
But the night shines as the day;

The darkness and the light are both alike to You.

Yesterday’s pain, struggle, and loss feel like heaviness falling on me, but if even the night shall be light about me; . . . and the night shines as the day;

I receive Your Word that I don’t completely know, but when I look at a candle, only light surrounds it, so . . .

I can see that You are with me, and light even my night.

You are greater than all of my anxiety, ugliness, and fright. Your Word, the powerful sounds, are healing the doubt that so often surrounds.

 For You formed my inward parts;

You covered me in my mother’s womb.
 I will praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made;

Marvelous are Your works,
And that my soul knows very well.

 My frame was not hidden from You,
When I was made in secret,
And skillfully wrought in the lowest parts of the earth.

 Your eyes saw my substance, being yet unformed.
And in Your book they all were written,
The days fashioned for me,
When as yet there were none of them.

Deep calls to deep. These thoughts are not as man’s. These Words pierce me through. My days you write in a book? Truly from beginning to end? I clearly see, I want more faith, more faith each day to trust You!

How precious also are Your thoughts to me, O God!

How great is the sum of them!
 If I should count them, they would be more in number than the sand;
When I awake, I am still with You.

Clearly, a lifetime it will take to comprehend such thoughts. Give me wisdom and knowledge. Help me understand the price You paid on the cross.

A Love so real. You laid down Your life for me. Even though You knew how wretched many of my steps would be.

I want to be on Your side, dear Lord.

Please keep me from being an enemy. With doubt, and unbelief. Making excuses to sin.

Wherewithal shall a young man cleanse his way? by taking heed thereto according to thy word. Psalm 119.

Get my eyes in Your Word, more and more, dear Lord.

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

This is a hard prayer to pray in the morning, and even more so, at night.

Dear Lord Jesus, I thank You for covering my sin with Your blood. I thank You for showing me You walk with me and know, every step that I take, and every word I speak, and even the thoughts that I think. And You still love . . .

You knew me in the beginning and promise to know my end days as well. Today, let me be new, tear down, rebuild, clean up and move.

Help me walk more closely. Help me let You lead. Let this be my song that I continually sing,
making the choice each day, to acknowledge You,  King:

Search me, O God, and know my heart;
Try me, and know my anxieties;
 And see if there is any wicked way in me,
And lead me in the way everlasting.

In Jesus Name, I, and all who believe ask, “Let it be, yes, let it be. Amen.”

The Polar Express? Believe? Yes, just like that.

We live in a fallen world.
But we’re not left orphans on this earth. But there are times when we feel like we are.

Jesus said, “I will not leave you as orphans; I will come to you” John 14:18.

Perhaps, there was a young day, when the soil of the heart was soft and receiving, and the journey was abundant with blessing and joy, but

what happens through the the course of time when the clay soil overtakes the soft top ground, the cold scorches the life from the leaves, the wind of trouble choke joy all around.

Because of circumstances, temptations of doubt and fear blow in like a harsh blizzard. Hearts, grown dark and cold, think of Jesus, the Light of the world, that He’s some distance away, somewhere.

We think a-miss. We trust our feelings and heart. Then we separate from the Word, and begin to trust elsewhere.

And we look around, and the name of God’s Son, Jesus,  is taken from every place.  It’s not in the schools, in the towns, or the books children are allowed to read. It’s used as a curse, even on TV.

“Who’s Jesus? Why should I care what He says?”

The winter is long, hard, and cold, and we ask, “What’s happened to this place?”

Quite honestly, I have failed God often through unbelief, and lack of faith. And, there are people in my life who have witnessed failure at times in walking the faith I claim to have.

But there is not one day, that, even though I didn’t have a hold on God, He had a hold on me.

Yes, I believe!

There was a day, that I have written about before, when I thought I was going to die. But I didn’t. I was sick, outwardly afraid, and weak. I’m reminded of it often, but, again today because of a verse I read this morning:

“After this I looked, and there before me was a door standing open in heaven. And the voice I had first heard speaking to me like a trumpet said, “Come up here, and I will show you what must take place after this” Revelation 1:4.

My eyes were closed, and I saw a door open. Out of all the things I could have possibly see, I saw the two scarred, but healed, hands of Jesus presented palms up before me. And the impression of the words from a favorite child’s book, “Not all know Me as their King.”

“Oh, I’ve heard this before,” you might be saying to yourself. Yes, perhaps, but today, I’m reminded of a question I was asked from Sunday’s message from church,

“What is living, to you?”

Quite honestly, through all that God has allowed for me to be part of, great treasure and riches in family and friends, great gifts, and joys, as well as deep, and excruciating loss and sadness, I would like to answer the pastor,

“to live is Christ.”

Yes, as in the Book of Philippians,  “For to me to live is Christ, and to die is gain” Philippians 1:21. 

I feel the light enter my heart at the very proclamation.

He knows every little thing about us. Even before we were born, the Bible says God knew:

“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart;” Jeremiah 1:5.

Do I believe God? Yes, the choice is mine.  I choose right now, with each minute of time, to believe God’s Word to illuminate and vitalize my mind.

God knows my name. He knows yours too. He has a plan for each of us. He is Almighty God, and  He is good.

The Bible proclaims that God sees us now. He knew what went on yesterday, and He knows our tomorrow as well:

“You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
 You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
 Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely” Psalm 139:2-4.

The number of our days is already written in a book: “My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
 Your eyes saw my unformed body;
    all the days ordained for me were written in your book
    before one of them came to be.
 How precious to me are your thoughts, God!
    How vast is the sum of them!” Psalm 139:15-17.

Am I living to live long? Is the purpose of my life my family? my job? serving in the church?

What is all this living for anyway? Who am I believing to show me the way?

Do I believe God?

I guess the main issue, when it all comes down to it, is, God is God. Whether we believe Him or not.

I don’t need to worry what this one thinks or that, for that matter, but I must be concerned about God’s heart and thoughts. Do I believe?

He’s like the Polar Express coming at some point in our lives,  and the door opens, and He calls, “All Aboard.”

He gives every single human being a call at some time or another.  I believe every house is visited.

He’s big enough when we don’t believe.
Yes, He is. He let’s us be.

But today, I will proclaim Him, and best I can, receive His great love, which is beyond my understanding. And I pray to the God of the Universe, that He help those who believe to be like little samples of His grace.

Hey, the Express is here,

“Here I am! I stand at the door and knock. If anyone hears my voice and opens the door, I will come in and eat with that person, and they with me” Revelation 3:20.

Let’s choose Jesus, the Christ today. The journey northward to heaven will be directed by the Conductor. He’s got the plan all written down.

 “To him that overcometh will I grant to sit with me in my throne, even as I also overcame, and am set down with my Father in his throne” Revelation 3:21.

Amen. God help our unbelief. We’re taking the big step to forever, with God at the helm.

 

 

 

What are we listening to? Fear? or God’s Voice? Let’s STOP and hear:

“Trust Me now.” I hear a still small voice speak. “Trust.” When the waves are huge, and blinded eyes can’t see.

“Trust Me.

Put on faith’s glasses, take off  fear’s clouded goggles, and . . .
B-R-E-A-T-H.

Don’t panic.

Remember, I walk on the turbulent seas.”

Don’t caress thoughts that are sharp and dark. Don’t linger in pits of past regrets—STOP.

Speak instead, faith thoughts.

Let—suffer, allow, the Holy Spirit to sing in your heart.

So I open the Hymn book at the Spirit’s prompt.  It opens, Doxology, page 1:

Praise God from whom all blessings flow.

And I think right away,

“Oh God, how can You patiently watch my faith so quickly, fly away?

With an envelope from the mail. With a headache in the morning. With the world’s events spinning. Each and everyday, dear Lord, You watch my faith take flight. As if it’s always night, and never day.

Oh God,  . . .

lead me to P-R-A-I-S-E.”

So I turn in the hymnal to Page 2. If only I could always remember this hymn proves time and again to be a “faint heart’s” rescue.

Fanny Crosby, though blind, could see. Spiritually, her words help my weary heart sing:

All the way my Sav-ior leads me; What have I to ask be-side? Can I doubt His ten-der mer-cy. Who thro’ life has been my guide?

Heav’n-ly peace,

di-vin-est com-fort,

Here by faith in Him to dwell For I know what-e’er be-fall me,

Je-sus do-eth all things well;

All the way my Savior leads me;

Cheers each winding path I tread.

Gives me grace for every trial,

Feeds me with the living bread:

Tho’ my weary steps may falter, And my soul a thirst may be,

Gushing from the Rock before me, Lo! a spring of joy I see;

Thank you Fanny for your pen and song. My eyes are lifted from the earth to the Son.

All the way my Savior leads me; Oh, the fullness of His love! Perfect rest to me is promised In my Father’s house above . . .

Will you join me in entering God’s rest? Can we seek accountability to trust.
We can rise above earthly trials. Trusting that our Savior leads the way.

And while we wait, we praise our Savior. And He fills our hearts and minds with His peace.

Foundations. Still, . . . Be My Vision, O Ruler of All

The alpha, the beginning of an old 8th Century Irish Hymn is,

“Be Thou my vision.”

Foundational.

The omega, or ending of the popular, ceremonial hymn is, “Heart of my own heart,

whatever befall,

still be my vision, O Ruler of all.”

Foundational is faith in God, rich and secure.

Do we know about the foundation of the temple in Jerusalem?
God made sure that we could know the cost of the foundation.
But first, in 1 Kings 5, we learn the intent of heart of Solomon, David’s son who was anointed king after David died: I intend, therefore, to build a temple for the Name of the Lord my God, as the Lord told my father David, when he said, ‘Your son whom I will put on the throne in your place will build the temple for my Name.’
The heart of Solomon, the vision to build a temple for the Name of the Lord.
Do we remember God’s Word to each of us?
“ . . . do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own?”(1 Cor. 6:19).
Oh, how easily we forget. Let us speak aloud today, not forget our intent:
“Be Thou my vision, Lord of my heart. Not be all else to me, save that Thou art. Thou my best thought by day and by night. Waking or sleeping Thy presence, my light.”
“Be Thou my wisdom. Thou my true word. I ever with Thee and Thou with me Lord. Thou my great Father, and I Thy true son, Thou in me dwelling, and I with Thee one.”
Are we one with God? What is it we seek each day? Do we build a house for the glory of the Name of our King?
King Solomon was given great wisdom, as he had asked the Lord.
The building  of the temple was planned and carefully executed. Cedar trees and fir trees were carried down through the sea from Lebanon.

“Solomon had seventy thousand carriers and eighty thousand stonecutters in the hills,  as well as thirty-three hundred foremen who supervised the project and directed the workers. 

At the king’s command they removed from the quarry large blocks of high-grade stone to provide a foundation of dressed stone for the temple (1 Kings 5:15-17).

High grade stone, not rough stone, but costly stone was used to lay the foundation.

The foundation of the temple, out of the view of man, but in God’s full sight. Our hearts intent, the foundation of our temple. Our spiritual temple, living stones?

“For you were bought at a price…” (1 Cor. 6:20).

Where is our vision? On whom do we look for stability?

“Forgive me Lord, when I think stability rests on me. You watch me lose my focus in the whirlwind of life.

“Be Thou my battle-shield. sword for my fight.

Be Thou my dignity, Thou my delight.

Thou my soul’s shelter. Thou my high-tower.

Raise Thou me heavenward, O power, of my power.”

Foundations are seen by One, and One only. God sees. His vision is clear.
Believing that God cares about all the parts of me that no one else knows, and know one else sees, that’s foundational.
When everything I can see, everything on the outside, starts falling apart, (our temples, our physical bodies, or when the walls seem to appear to be crumbling, then the foundation is all that’s left.
When this world rates us and scores us at zero, God sees our faith and rates us as heroes.
Are we resting on the foundation of Rock?
Do we have faith in the Chief Cornerstone?
Laying costly stones for the foundation of our temples, are the choices we make to believe God.
Costly stones are—faith.
Everything rests on the Cornerstone.
Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen”(Hebrews 11:1).
Faith is costly. But encouragement in the difficulty of laying a firm foundation is this:
“For by it the elders obtained a good testimony” (Hebrews 11;2 KJV).
In time, when everything passes away, the testimony will be that a careful and costly foundation was laid.
“Riches I heed not, nor man’s empty praise.
Thou mine inheritance, now and always.
Thou, and Thou only, first in my heart.
High King of heaven, My treasure, Thou art.”
But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him (Hebrews 11:6).
High King of heaven , my victories won. May I reach heaven’s joy, bright heaven’s SON. Heart of my own heart . . .
whatever befall,
still be my vision,
O Ruler of all.”
(Be Thou My Vision, 8th Century Irish Hymn).
The foundation?
Faith.
Costly.
Sacrificial.
Vision on the High King of heaven. That is where my victories are won.
This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith, (1 John 5:4).
“Heart of my own heart, whatever befall, still be my vision, O Ruler of all.”
I am the Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End (Revelation 22:13).
For those who need to hear the spoken hymn and a victorious psalm:

Long and overdue, Honor for you, Mom

Mom, this is a letter of honor for you. Yes, long overdue. Oh, there were small moments of honor, but over-all, as a child and even as a young woman, I struggled to be honoring.

If I could have spent more time thinking on the good things and good reports. But my brain was prone to think on the lack, the imperfections, the cracks and nicks. Why did it take me so many years to understand that all this is part of my battle with sin.

I suppose the most relieving part, is, this is everyone’s battle, day in and day out. There is no escaping it, in our own strength. There’s only so far you can go with “the power of positive thinking.”

If I could have actually put in practice, “Do to mother, what you would have her do to you.” I might have, in the process, learned a thing or two about honoring you.

I was not your easy, compliant child. No, I was hard-headed, stubborn, temperamental, and angry. So much so, that being my last name was Born, you would often joke that my middle name was Stub. Toni Stub-Born.

Did I ever say “I’m sorry,” for all my Stub-Born-ness?  Well, “I’m sorry mom.”
I have a few “snapshot” memories. I was six or so, and I needed my tonsils out.

I remember crying and carrying on with loud cries and tears because I DID NOT want to go in some room that seemed to be a community room with lots of kids and parents. No!

I remember being put in a private-type room. And then after surgery, I was surrounded by stuffed animals, a new tooth brush, and tons of attention. Did I think I was a princess?

Yes, I believed I was a princess.

Another snapshot memory is the huge scene I made about “hating” my brand-new, (very fine, I might add), genuine leather sandals you bought for me and presented to me the day and moments before leaving for the Barnum and Bailey Circus, the Greatest Show on Earth.

I made a scene, almost to the point of missing the circus. But I wore the shoes, somehow, (I’m sure with great aggravation and struggle on your part), and forgot all about them after being struck with awe and wonder of the Three Rings, the lights and sparkle, the stilts, the elephants, the horses.

Did I realize that not every child had the opportunity to see the Barnum and Bailey Circus? Did I ever say I’m sorry for carrying on?

I’m sorry mom. And, thanks for taking me to the circus. I still remember it today, along with the leather sandals. I remember really liking them as time went on.

I didn’t have a thankful heart. I didn’t naturally think on the good and wonderful things you did for me. Instead, I was critical and had blaming thoughts.

Mom, I’m truly sorry for all this. Why’d it take 57 years for me to say this? You spent time with me to teach me to sew. And you were the one to introduce me to Calligraphy pens. You spent time with me giving me instruction in how to use them well.

To think Mom, it was you who put the seed in me for Calligraphy. I included a handful of the beautiful script that continually flows from my kids.

Thank you.

What about the music lessons? The painful moments listening to me sing. Then the huge investment in voice lessons. All for me. Mom, thank you for investing in me. Singing, playing instruments, teaching others the joy of playing. This is so much of my life today. All because you and dad invested in me.

Thank you. Thank you.

And the dance lessons at the Glenda Falk Studio. It was like a second home. You and dad flipped the bill. Endless hours dancing giving me the heart to dream for a future of musical comedy.

Thank you Mom.

And remember, after your rare trip to NYC, when you brought home the album for “A Chorus Line.” Forget about it, I had a dream to go to NYC and audition for that show. And I did!

I wasn’t cast, but it’s crazy to actually think of all that now.

You were an example of taking healthy herbs and living in moderation. But there was not a moderate bone in my body. I was a powerhouse of energy and  hard-headedness, smart, opinionated, and, . . . how you must have cringed at all my hidden insecurities.

I will write now, something I’ve never spoken aloud, but I remember at age 6 or 7, when I drank from my first Coke-a-cola, in the small glass bottle. Like a magnet, the sugar had a grip on me.

What’s all that about? It was an impulsive-compulsiveness growing inside of me, (probably from the day I was born, only to learn later, we’re all born with a bent to sin). Well, you watched it. The craziness of an eating disorder throughout my high school years, and sad to say, it wasn’t until I was 20  before I could finally admit I had a serious problem.

I didn’t know how to eat. I would eat anything and think, “I ate too much,” only to then binge and eat the entire box! Or, I would look in the mirror and think, “I’m so fat.” An insanity was growing inside my mind.
But underneath all that eating and binging, exercising and dance class madness, were huge insecurities, negative thoughts, and an internal angry mess.

I was searching spiritually in High-School, and God was watching me.

I remember looking into the huge, vast, Arizona sky, (because there weren’t huge trees to block the view, just a Saguaro Cactus or so), and “talking to God.”

He heard me.

He sent my dance teacher, my Key Club friends, kids from cheer and FCA to be a witness to me. I made some efforts of change trying to get religion. Doing this thing and that, but it was all effort without . . .

. . . my whole heart. I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus, I was inwardly a mess, still the pilot of my ship.

But no-one could tell, it was all hidden inside.

I auditioned for the American Academy Arts. I got accepted and off I went to the big CA! I did fine for a few years, setting goals and moving forward. Musicals, Summer Stock, in my own energy and strength, and outward courage, after my Exam Plays at the California school, I asked to transfer, if accepted to the  American Academy of Dramatic Arts, NY School.

I was able to say, “American Academy of Dramatic Arts NYC, Here I come.”

An Arizona girl in the big NYC. The dream to dance and study voice and act- Yes, I was living a dream!

But mom, as time went on,I couldn’t overcome my eating disorder. It got so much worse.

No one could really tell from the outside. This was a hidden struggle.

 

The insecurities mounted. The anger. The fear. I couldn’t fly home. I had to get it right, right there.

I was reading “Out on a Limb,” by Shirley MacClaine. I sought New Age wisdom, only to be left short of any victory to overcome my compulsive, self-destructive behavior.

My life had become unmanageable.

I needed a Savior. And God found me and He rescued me, in the big NYC. You see, an alcoholic can do a twelve step program and stop drinking, but with eating disorders, you’ve got to learn to eat.

God helped me, to literally, eat. First, through 12 steps, and then continually to learn Who it was that I “made the decision to turn my will and my life over to His care.”

The Bible became my main read!

I was His girl, and He was always with me. He helped me conquer and heal completely my angers, day by day, and my insecurities. I often would think, because this was in that era, of Karen Carpenter, who didn’t get the help in time. That reminded me, this is important.

I gave my life to Jesus, He helped me to finally stand on my own two feet.
Anger was my real issue, and moment by moment, with my mind in His word, my heart seeking His way, and the Spirit leading, He helped me overcome addiction.

He’s still helping me.

So, Mom, I suppose in honoring you today, I write what seems to be a book. A thousand words, plus, but it’s time mom.

And I wanted you to know all this.

And you know, this NYC girl was never going to get married or have kids, (before this change and new relationship with the Lord and allowing Him to pilot my ship).

God had plans unlike mine. He had me meet Mike, and showed me, “This is the one.”

We married and  had a few children, . . . or eleven.

I know, you thought your girl had lost her mind. Yes, quite frankly. But they’re all your grand-kids!

As a mom, I try to do my best, and mom, you did your best too. So I want to say today, I’m sorry for all the grief I caused your heart. And thank you, from the bottom of my heart for your love and your endless support.

I could write so much more, but bottom line, it’s long over-due, mom. “Thank you.”

I hope you are blessed as you watch our kids grow. And I hope your heart swells a bit  knowing you started the Calligraphy trend, many years ago, when you took the time to teach me how to use a Calligraphy pen.

I’m thankful, that even though I moved away from AZ at 18, social media helps us share pictures and moments, and we don’t have to feel so far away.

I love you mom. I honor you, hopefully better everyday.

Your far-away, and (thankfully) a bit less hard-headed and stubborn girl,

Toni

 

 

For Now and Again #2 Letters for Jenny’s girls…

Introduction: These letters are for Jenny’s girls. Who’s Jenny. (Read Remembering Jenny Pt.1.

Jenny was a swim mom who faced the crisis of becoming paralyzed, unable to move her arms, her legs, to breathe on her own. The first year was of facing the crisis, and all that entails for a family of 5,  learning to live in her new condition, remodeling the home, purchasing a wheel-chair accessible vehicle, and coming home to 24/7 home health care.

Growing in faith, in hope and love as she faced day in and day out for almost 6  years in this condition.

 

 

Dear girls, I share this letter with you, about a hero of mine, yes, happens to  your mom.

When I have a hard day and I feel the impulse to quit or be depressed, I think of your mom. Each morning she chose willingly. Presenting her body as a living sacrifice to God, (Romans 12:1). 

Unable to move a muscle, yet totally willing and trusting in God’s healing hand, over a very long period of time. We’re not talking weeks, or long months, we’re talking years.

You see, what made your mom so special was how she was thinking.

She must have wrestled with God, (ironic, someone who couldn’t move a muscle, but was all “life” in mind and heart).

Wrestling with God, she appeared to be one who prayed as Jacob: “I won’t let go until You bless me,”(Gen. 32:24).

Your mom told me the first time I came to the house to visit, after 5 years of being paralyzed: “I consider it a privilege that God would choose me to go through this, and put me in this chair.” (She had one special wheelchair.)

I almost think I should write the word Selah, meaning pause and think about this after this statement.  She used the word privilege when talking about being paralyzed from the neck down.  Needing assistance of a respirator to breathe. Privilege that she was chosen to suffer so much loss.

I am so sorry for all the loss you girls have had to experience as well. The hugs you will receive in heaven. They will never end.

Your mom also told me, “I always loved God, even from a young age, but since I’ve been ‘in the chair’  God is so close to me. The closeness is indescribable.” And there is huge evidence of this.

I would not be writing word after word if this were not so.

I truly believe that when I hear encouragement to have an intimate relationship with Jesus, I think of your mom and her relationship with Him.

The Bible tells us that He will keep you in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on Him (Is. 26:3).

Your mom’s mind was on god and His will and ways. She had a deep peace that passed all understanding, (Phil4).

These choices are noteworthy.

And when talking about the struggles in her marriage, (as, every married person has struggles in marriage), she never complained one bit.

Not one ounce, nada, nothing.

She simply asked me, “Have you ever read the book called  The Power of a Praying Wife?  Your mom was not able to run fast in body, but she quick to run to God in prayer.

And we had many opportunities to pray those wonderful prayers right from that book, because of your mom’s great disability, it seemed as if your mom had these prayers memorized. 

God was using your mom to help me in so many ways.

And when things weren’t really going her way, while waiting in a hospital bed for week upon week, unable to find health care to get back home,

“Can we pray that when Joe comes, that he will see that I am concerned about him and all that is going on in his life with the girls?” 

Now girls, I am sure that you’ve heard, that when mamas not happy, ain’t nobody’s happy. Not with your mama, instead of being absorbed in her own grief of seeming unanswered prayer, she prayed that she would be focused and concerned with your dad and you.

Girls, this is what a most beautiful woman looks like.

God had done a work in her. I think that is where the word glorious fits in.

The Bible does tell us that “We are His workmanship created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them.” (Eph. 2:10).

Your mom couldn’t walk, but follow Jesus, she did.

And in that hospital room, Rm. 609, in which she found herself for weeks on end, she asked me if I would call the elders from her church to come to anoint her with oil and pray the prayer of healing over her. She continually said, “God told me that I was going to walk again.” 

The elders of the church did come. They prayed, and still, your mom, silently hoped and waited. She was an example of acceptance with joy. That’s why I write these letters, “for now and again.”

Your mom hoped in God, she believed what He said. Period.

She waited, with tears that she couldn’t wipe from her own face, she believed:

 “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.”Jer. 29:11-13.

S.H. Spurgeon wrote a little poem, and your mom’s story makes me think of it: “Put thou thy trust in God; In duty’s path go on; Fix on Himself thy steadfast eye, So shall thy work be done.”

“Though years on years roll on, His mercy shall endure; Though clouds and darkness hide His path, His promised grace is sure.”

On the very last visit I had with your mom, (which I had no idea it would be,) she told me, “Toni, I have some homework for you. I want you to learn a  song.” So I asked, “What song is that?” She answered, in that whisper voice she had, “It is well with my soul.”

“OK Jenny, I’ve got that one, for next time.”

I never got a chance to sing it with her, but at least now I know the song she left singing:

“When peace like a river, Attendeth my way, When sorrows, Like sea billows roll; whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say, “It is well, It is well, with my soul.” It is well, with my soul, It is well, it is well, with my  soul.”

“My sin, O the bliss Of this glorious tho’t. My sin not in part But the whole Is nailed to the cross And I bear it no more, Praise the Lord, Praise the Lord, O my soul!” 

And, Lord, haste the day When my faith shall be sight, The clouds be rolled back like a scroll! The trumpet shall sound and the Lord shall descend, “Even so, it is well With my soul.  It is well, with my soul, it is well,

it is well with my soul.”

Girls, I hurt for you in that you miss your mom so much. I know these letters may bring tears, but I pray they fill your heart with love and comfort, For now and again.

With love,

Toni Rypkema

Remembering Jenny Part 1

Reasons
You will write the book, Jenny encouraged me.
I told Jenny  I wanted to write a devotional called God’s Hand. Sometimes I would read to her my WordPress posts. I would write what the Lord showed me that day in His word.

Anyway, I write now a series of articles about Jenny. God knew I needed a her friendship. I’m changed when I remember the time we had together. I believe everyone needs to meet Jenny. So I write.

Jenny became completely paralyzed, a tetraplegic, within only a 24 hour period, at 34 years of age. She lost the movement of every part of her body, even her ability to breathe on her own.

She told me, from the very first day when she didn’t even know what was happening to her, she felt God had told her, You’ll be able to walk again.
Jenny believed God.

She couldn’t hold on to anything. But Jenny held on to God and His promises. Her faith remained strong, even after more than 5 years of loss upon loss.

Yes, even after more than 5 years. How do I know? Because, God allowed us to be friends her last year on this earth, and I witnessed faith in champion proportions. After all that time of physical loss and emotional strain and difficulty, Jenny would have the excuse to be bitter, discouraged, impatient, and angry, but she was none of those things.

She was hopeful, patient, gentle, caring, and faithful.

Do you know what she told me the first time I visited her at her house, while she sat in her chair. She said, The very first day I was paralyzed, I asked God to help me get out of bed every day.

She said, He helps me everyday. This woman couldn’t move anything, yet she got out of bed, so to speak, everyday.

God knew that I needed a friend who kept her faith and believed God, no matter what. Day after day, trial after trial, this is what Jenny so victoriously did.  We needed each other.

Jenny was my cure to stop complaining about my nothing in comparison problems. When I was tempted to look at mountains of situations, instead of looking to God, I would remember Jenny.

Beginnings
There were days when, just thinking of her and the extreme challenges she had to face every minute of the day, got me out of bed.

I had suffered great loss. My heart physically felt it was bleeding. Did we even know that the heart can feel like it’s bleeding.

I needed a hero, a champion. Jenny was all that, but don’t think for a minute that Jenny’s the hero I’m writing about. Right from the start, the hero is God.

I started praying for Jenny years before when on the very same week, on a February of 2008, I had a diagnosis of Rheumatoid Arthritis. But Jenny became paralyzed. Within a 24 hour period—quadriplegic.

Jenny also lost the use of her diaphragm, thus leaving her in need of a respirator. Breath by breath there was struggle to survive.
And, the three girls. Jenny couldn’t hug anymore. Twins in their teens and the youngest only 6.

I had nothing to complain about. What is Rheumatoid Arthritis, swelling and pain when moving, to paralysis of every limb and chest.

Debilitating changes
It all happened so quickly. February, 2008 brought change for the both of us, but for Jenny, she couldn’t move anything.
Was sudden paralysis of the spine due to a virus? Did the medical team ever really know? There were so many questions for Jenny, her husband, and her three girls. Questions that couldn’t be answered.

I thought about Jenny every day even though I didn’t know her well when all the changes happened.
I would reach for a cup out of the cupboard, after getting up and walking out of bed. Tempted to complain of difficulties of life and my RA pain, which seemed to come so naturally, but then I would stop.

Almost as if I was watching myself from the outside, I would fill the cup with water and give myself a drink, then I would think, . . .  Remember Jenny.
A young mom from the Y, with her girls on the same swim team as mine, and all of a sudden, word goes out, “Jenny’s paralyzed.”

I was cured.
Perspective is everything. I had no problems at all. Zero. None.

I can’t even imagine being 34 years old and not being able to move anything. Prayers went up to God for Jenny everywhere for her girls, her husband, and family.

Day after day.

Month after month.

Year after year.

I am not sure how long she was hospitalized, 8 months and more. And then training and preparation for life as a quadriplegic. A special chair was needed as well as 24/7 home health care. The house had to be renovated for the chair to go up stairs. A new van was purchased. The entire dynamics of the household was forever changed.

Jenny couldn’t hug her girls anymore.

The girls would always smile when I gave them a little wave as they walked past me on the bleachers, to swim practice. What a great thing to have a pool to kick off all the stress and hardship of life for an hour.

I remember watching her blow into a long straw-type tube to move her special wheel chair into the Y. We would have chats now and again.

I asked her, “Jenny, what’s the hardest part of all this?” Putting my hand on her hand. With great effort to catch breath, she answered me,
“People put their hands on my hand. They think they’ve touched me. I can’t feel my hands.”

I gently pulled my hand away. I remember saying, “I’m sorry Jenny.”
She couldn’t do anything. Not even breathe on her own. This is more loss than I can comprehend. But Jenny had faith that God was going to heal her. She was waiting on Him with joy and hope.

Time went on. I had a cancer diagnosis. A cancer fight with the struggles of chemo, surgery, hormone block treatments, the ups the downs, the all-arounds. And I would “remember Jenny.”

November of 2012, and I was driving my kids to school.
This was first year of school for my elementary and middle school aged children. I was a home-educator for 21 years, however the stress involved and the weakness I was dealing with gave way to public education for my kids.

We were in the car and the radio announcer posed a question,
“Is there someone very important in your life, and they might not even know it? Let this Thanksgiving be the time to let them know.”

“Jenny” was my thought.

So I found Jenny’s phone number and I called. I remembered Jenny every day, and I began visiting her home periodically.

This was four and-a-half years after the paralysis began.

A friendship developed
The first time I visited Jenny was a bit uncomfortable as I waited at the door at 10:30 in the morning for what seemed like a long time. I stood at the door, but then one of the home-health nurses let me in.

They were blow-drying her hair. I can’t imagine the amount of work every day to tend to all the needs of a young woman who can’t move or breathe on her own.
Jenny seemed so happy to have a visitor. And I was happy to be finally visiting. I came with my guitar. She really didn’t know me at all except for a few conversations at the Y and the call for Thanksgiving.

I felt I needed to thank her for many things.
This woman got me out of bed. This woman gave me courage and perspective. This woman taught me to be thankful.

Quite honestly I wonder how many lives this woman actually saved? I know God used her to save me from my pitiful thinking. From thinking thoughts that would were faith-less and fret-full.

Jenny had a gentle spirit and joyful nature, even after almost five years of circumstantial loss. She couldn’t pull her bangs down to fix them up. She couldn’t take a sip from a cup.

She couldn’t do anything!

I am sure in her quiet moments there was sadness and loneliness, but her faith lifted her. She believed God was going to heal her. She believed this with every ounce of her being.
This is the woman that should be on the cover of magazines of what a “beautiful woman” is.

I brought my guitar for a time of worship and prayer. We sang. Jenny cried. Her respirator buzzer kept going off because of the extra air needed. And we prayed.
When Jenny spoke out of the abundance of her heart, you would think there would be bitterness, frustration, anger, and complaint. But I will tell you right here and now, out of the abundance of this woman’s heart, who had lost so much, was one thing, grace poured out.

Not complaint, but gracious words. She shared, “He’s going to heal me. He told me at the beginning, when this first happened. He said to my spirit, “You’re going to walk again.”
Jenny believed God. From day one to year five, completely paralyzed.
“The Lord has let my legs still have muscle tone. They aren’t supposed to have that. “I’m going to walk again,” she told me with complete faith.
I asked Jenny of her favorite memory verse.

“Be still, and know that I am God” Psalm 46:10
She would joke how she spoke with God, “Lord, I’m not going anywhere!”
You probably think I’m writing nice words about a friend. No, I’m writing about seeing a miracle of God
This woman was overflowing with faith, and hope, and I haven’t even mentioned the love.
God did this.

He was present. I was a witness of a life filled with the Spirit and submitted to Him.
Jenny’s home health care ran out after a little over five and a half years. She found herself back in the very same hospital that she spent so many months in almost 6 years prior.
This was her greatest fear. At 40 years of age.

But God gave us time together in the hospital reading the Bible together and singing songs. The girls will never know what God did for both of us in opening His word together, I thought, unless I write the words.

So, letters for the girls were written. But they aren’t just for the girls. (I will share them as “Letters to the girls,” in further posts.)

A Moment’s Getaway, Like a River Glorious

Like a River Glorious

In the old church hymnal, Frances Havergal, paints a moving picture with song, yet with a constant under-girding of calm.

Like a river glorious, Is God’s perfect peace, Over all victorious In it’s bright increase;

Perfect, yet it floweth Fuller every day, Perfect, yet it groweth Deeper all the way.

Stayed upon Jehovah, Hearts are fully blest; Finding as He promised, Perfect peace and rest. 

Like a river glorious, is God’s perfect peace!
Hidden in the hollow Of His blessed hand, Never foe can follow Never traitor stand;

Not a surge of worry, Not a shade of care, Not a blast of hurry Touch the Spirit there.

“Then, like a river glorious I desire to be. Moving steadily on, Dear Lord, in trust of Your security. Hide me in the hollow of Your great hand, mighty.

Reliable and more.
This world spins out of control leaving me fatigued and confused. Take me the way I am. Move me, like a river glorious.

Transform me, because You can—through Your gracious and gentle Hand.

Perfect, yet it floweth Fuller every day, Perfect, yet it groweth Deeper all the way.

Peace. Rest. Victorious. Bright increase. Words speak. As the stars across the heavens at night. As an abundance of roses on a stem. Wherever I may be, Lord, let this hymn energize me to believe.”

Could it be? Words, lead me, to my refuge and help? The pages in a hymnal read aloud. A remedy constant to revive. I turn to it’s page. I find Rock of Ages, on the other side.

Rock of Ages, cleft for me let me hide myself in Thee.”

The Lord is speaking. He is ministering to me. Like a River Glorious, a Rock of Ages that I might hide. Two different pictures, bringing about a solid theme, that wherever I go, I am being held and protected from Fear and Anxiety, two of my greatest foes.

Peace came to this furious world. Willing to allow the water and the blood from His wounded side to flow. . .  His death gives life to me, and all the people of the world, who see.

Like a River Glorious.

These words are living. Hymns teach of hope! Refreshment and revival. “Stayed on Jehovah, hearts fully blest! Finding, as He promised, Perfect peace and rest!”

Moving forward, constant. Like a River Glorious. Yet, Stayed on Jehovah, our mighty God, Hidden in the hollow Of His blessed hand, Never foe can follow, Never traitor stand.

To this morning meditation, let all the people say, “Amen.”

Holding Fast. A Prayer for Today

“This world, this wilderness, this desert place— where You watch our steps, it’s ruthless and rough, scary and often-times, a disgrace. This world, O Lord, that You ‘so loved.’ You sent Your precious Son that the people might see  with their eyes, and experience Love.

But at each turn, moment by moment, for us, (and 2,000 years ago, for You, Jesus), there’s strife, accusing, and distrust. This world is broken with edges that are sharp. So often, Lord, our hearts are left bleeding all over the place.
You know all about that, and remind us: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (1)

Pour out that ‘sufficient grace’, Lord. Give us ears open, for listening. Give our hearts increased understanding:
I am coming quickly; hold fast what you have, so that no one may rob you and deprive you of your crown. Revelation 3:11.

God, these words seem at times, foreign and distant. What do we have? How do we hold fast? Remind me of the crown. What’s the meaning of all this?
The old folks are weary, fighting to persevere. The children are caught in a cultural fast-paced race. Your Book is open. We will be still, and hear:

These are the words of the Holy One, the True One, He Who has the key of David, Who opens and no one shall shut, Who shuts and no one shall open.
Oh, Lord, in awe and reverence, we are listening, with the Book open in Revelation 3:

I know your [record of] works and what you are doing. See! I have set before you a door wide open, which no one is able to shut; I know that you have but little power, and yet you have kept My Word and guarded My message, and have not renounced or denied My name. (2)

But God, You can see that I have not always kept Your Word. Please forgive me. You see my shame. Wash me new, today. Help my eyes acknowledge the work You have done for me:

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, Psalm 103. (3)

Yes, I see a door in my mind, open, with Your nail-pierced hands before me. You speak ever gently, Remember Me.
Flooding now in my memory from Your Word: Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me, all the days of my life . . . Psalm 23. (4)

And then a hymn comes cleansing me:

I will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace me in His arms
In the arms of my dear Savior
Oh, there are ten thousand charms (5)
Dear Lord, the Welcome mat to Your house of Love is often an Hymn from so long ago:
Come, ye thirsty, come and welcome
God’s free bounty glorify
True belief and true repentance
Every grace that brings you nigh
Come, ye weary, heavy-laden
Lost and ruined by the fall
If you tarry ’til you’re better
You will never come at all
He who overcomes [the world through believing that Jesus is the Son of God], I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God; he will most certainly never be put out of it, and I will write on him the name of My God, and the name of the city of My God, the new Jerusalem, which descends out of heaven from My God, and My [own] new name. 
 He who has an ear, let him hear and heed what the Spirit says to the churches.’ (6)
Today, as if it were my first. Today, as if it were my last:
I will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace me in His arms
In the arms of my dear Savior
Oh, there are ten thousand charms (5)

(1) 2 Corinthians 12:9.
(2) Revelation 3:7-8.
(3) Psalm 103:2-4.
(4) Psalm 23:6.
(5) I Will Arise and Go To Jesus/ Joseph Hart/ 1759.
(6) Revelation 3:12,13.

Lord, Give us a Fragrance of Light and Peace

What is our fragrance as we go about our day?

Do we smell of fear and let doubt lead the way?
Like a skunk that’s afraid, pray we are not near.

Or as a pig slopping in a muddy mess, doing only as he pleases, “Dear Lord, save us from the stench of selfishness. May displeasing You, be our greatest dread and fear.”

“Dear Lord, give those who claim to know Your name, a cleansing stream, an emptying. That newness of life and acceptance with joy, peace like a river would splash on us a fragrance of Light.”

Today, a meditation on words penned almost a hundred years ago; Ina D. Ogden, “Speak your exhortation to ears ‘poor in spirit'”:

Do not wait until some deed of greatness you may do,
Do not wait to shed your light afar;
To the many duties ever near you now be true,
Brighten the corner where you are.

Brighten the corner where you are!
Brighten the corner where you are!
Someone far from harbor you may guide across the bar;
Brighten the corner where you are!

What kind of fragrance do we bring in the room? Is it a critical spirit. Thinking we know what’s right? “Dear Lord, reveal to us our failure and sin, that we might ask forgiveness and let Your light shine in us again.”

Perhaps the brokenness and deep hurts will prove to be, a place where we might have a gentle spirit and compassion. Perhaps God will help us have a tender spirit, gracious, gentle, a-c-c-e-p-t-i-n-g.

When pain comes, and darkness, we are tested and tried. Are we going to believe the Good Word only, when things go right?

Oh, to believe that “The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does,” Psalm 145:17.

Oh, how we are tested during times of loss, to believe:

Just above are clouded skies that you may help to clear,
Let not narrow self your way debar;
Though into one heart alone may fall your song of cheer,
Brighten the corner where you are.

The Lord is my strength and my song;
    he has become my salvation, Psalm 118:14.

This is the phrase I must sing. Let us today, wake up in faith, knowing, that God is with us. Let’s forget about ourselves and allow His light to beam:

Here for all your talent you may surely find a need,
Here reflect the bright and Morning Star;
Even from your humble hand the Bread of Life may feed,
Brighten the corner where you are.

A fragrance of light. A fragrance of peace. The Lord Jesus will take our burdens so today, we are free to sing:
Brighten the corner where you are!
Brighten the corner where you are!
Someone far from harbor you may guide across the bar;
Brighten the corner where you are!

Let us go now, in increased faith, to love and consider others and be a fragrance worth . . . remembering.

A Blind Woman’s Calling was to Help the World to See

A blind woman could see much more than most of us dream. She couldn’t see color, or line, or form, but she had eyes to see the Lord.
Her heart would write scores of words to increase our vision and understanding of the Lord.

Fanny Crosby teaches devotion to God as we open old hymns and speak them and sing.

We weep on earth when loved ones pass, but in the LORD, hope continues on. Saved by Grace, 1891, Fanny’s chorus repeats confident and strong:

And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace; 
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace. 

Who is He that she longs to see. Our hearts long to read on and hear her words because we are born into this broken world, and in the midst of happy moments and and fun and life, there are great hurts. Great losses threaten to shadow all delight.

But God, He’s there. He asks quietly, “Do you believe?”

“Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit.  Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.  You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You  must be born again.’  The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit,” John 3:5-9.

With God, at times it seems all mystery. But Fanny writes of her Lord to show us the end before the beginning:

Some day the silver cord will break,
And I no more as now shall sing;
But oh, the joy when I shall wake
Within the palace of the King!

This is hope. What does it all mean? Does God put this hunger in us all that we search for answers that we might see and know?

Some day my earthly house will fall,
I cannot tell how soon ’twill be;
But this I know-—my All in All
Has now a place in heav’n for me.

Can I know? Without a doubt? How can I know that I will see the Lord face to face. How could Fanny write with such confidence of God’s grace?

And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace;
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace.

We are born as a baby, but before our death, is there a birth that must take place? Is this the meaning of this mystery?
A day in our life, either early or late, we must look up to Jesus, God’s Son Whom He has sent. A second birth? It is on that day, we look up and choose to say, “I believe in all You did for me on the cross.”

“Take my sin and all my misery. Empty me that I might be filled with You. Give me new life today. Fill me with Your Spirit now, and for every day.”
Then the chorus Fanny wrote will be our song of hope that we sing with heart’s strong.

Some day, when fades the golden sun
Beneath the rosy-tinted west,
My blessed Lord will say, “Well done!”
And I shall enter into rest.

All because of the grace of God through Jesus.
Fanny wrote, that years later I could remain confident and sing until the very end:

Some day: till then I’ll watch and wait,
My lamp all trimmed and burning bright,
That when my Savior opes the gate,
My soul to Him may take its flight.

Amen, Amen. Fanny would have us speak joyfully her chorus again:
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace;
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace.

True Riches: Faith in God through Jesus His Son

Earthly riches we see and often desire. And once acquired, there is almost always, the let down: “Is that all there is?”

But Jesus, who came to be Savior, was also the unparalleled Teacher. He, Wisdom came down and spoke to ears that would hear:

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,  but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also,” Matthew 6:19-21.

The heavenly treasure of faith in God through Jesus His Son is higher and deeper, richer and forever. “Blessed—happy, fortunate, prosperous and enviable—is the man . . . whose delight and desire are . . .

What comes next? What’s this key to happiness? What makes a man “fortunate?”

What is possessed by the man or woman who is “prosperous and enviable?”
The possession of the glorious key to open the closed-door of Peace is faith in God through Jesus His Son.

Lasting. Forever. Promises enduring:

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God,” Romans 5:1,2.

This sounds rich. This rings glorious, but can we understand what it all means?”
“Give us faith. Help us understand the glory of God!” We pray. And . . .
He does.
Having faith to call out to God and pray, the Bible says, is all pleasing:

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him,” Hebrews 11:6.

Heavenly riches, heavenly rewards—this is what I desire. You and me alike?
Just as if I have never sinned, my Jesus sees me now. Faith in what He did for me on the cross is the beginning of riches and glory and hope for all eternity for me, and you, and anyone who believes.

The Bible says it. The Bible is truth.

“Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him,” Proverbs 30:5.

Let us sing in our hearts, even in the midst of sorrow and loss, praises to God, because God will build in us a character that counts:

“Faith God, in Your Son who suffered and died. We stand at the foot of the cross and ask for help that we may at this time,

“glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.
 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us,” Romans 5:3-5.

To the One whose name is “Faithful and True,” (Revelation 19:11), no matter what happens, help us remember time and again, that the greatest of riches is faith and trust in You. Thank You for giving us the key of faith to unlock the door of Peace with each breath we take.

Amen, and Amen. Shall we continually say, “Let it be, and to Your glory. Let it be.

Blessed is the man whose, “delight is in the law of the Lord,
And on His law [His precepts and teachings] he [habitually] meditates day and night.
And he will be like a tree firmly planted [and fed] by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season;
Its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers [and comes to maturity], Psalm 1, Amplified.”

Believing. In God. According to His Word, indeed reaps True riches. Lasting. Forever.