Tag: help

We need each other

Truly my soul silently waits for God;

From Him comes my salvation.
 He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;
I shall not be greatly moved. 

Psalm 62
To the Chief Musician. To Jeduthun. A Psalm of David.

In all honesty, my soul waits for God. But silently? No, not always. At times it’s more like an ocean in a storm.

“I shall not be greatly moved,” David proclaims. Perhaps slightly moved he was because he continues his psalm:

 How long will you attack a man?
You shall be slain, all of you,
Like a leaning wall and a tottering fence.
 They only consult to cast him down from his high position;
They delight in lies;
They bless with their mouth,
But they curse inwardly. Selah

This is not a time of peace for David. Selah, or “pause and think quietly about it,” makes us consider for ourselves what these verses mean.

These thoughts of great trouble, confusion, and lies could be in regards to our own personal battles, or our family dynamics, dealing with people, or sickness and bills, or school, finances, or work, car troubles. Each of these can bring us down from a stable position.

The lies that come flooding in from the enemy, for me are:  “This is how’s it’s been, forever.” “This is how it will be forever.” “Nothing will ever change, this is all you have forever.”

The Word, a refuge. God speaks and instructs. What did David do?

He talks to his own soul. Psalm 62 proves to instruct me to do the same:

 My soul, wait silently for God alone,
For my expectation is from Him.
He only is my rock and my salvation;
He is my defense;

I shall not be moved. Psalm 62:5,6.

David is changed. I’m sure his circumstances haven’t changed. But he has changed.

How?

His eye focus changed to the only rock and salvation. Right now, is there anyone else who needs some corrective glasses, like me. I must focus up, o-n-l-y. Not once and forever, but step by step, moment by moment:

 In God is my salvation and my glory;
The rock of my strength,
And my refuge, is in God.

Change is going on. my heart is being moved to increased faith. Satan has no victory. But the next verse caught me by surprise. It no longer uses the word me, or I, but your and us:

Trust in Him at all times, you people;
Pour out your heart before Him;
God is a refuge for us. Selah

Pause and think quietly about this. “You people,” “your heart,” “God is a refuge for us.” We need community. We need each other.

We can all come together and agree, men, (women, all people,) will disappoint. We are all sinners. Not one is exempt from the fall. David writes:

 Surely men of low degree are a vapor,
Men of high degree are a lie;
If they are weighed on the scales,
They are altogether lighter than vapor.
 Do not trust in oppression,
Nor vainly hope in robbery;
If riches increase,
Do not set your heart on them.

But together, if we remind each other to “look up,” and focus on God, we will not be shaken.

God has spoken once,
Twice I have heard this:
That power belongs to God.
Also to You, O Lord, belongs mercy;
For You render to each one according to his work. Psalm 62.

How we need to talk of His power and mercy. His faithfulness. His grace. We can wait on God, together. We will say to our souls:

wait silently for God alone,
For our expectation is from Him.
He only is our rock and our salvation;
He is our defense;

We shall not be moved.

Selah, We will pause and think quietly about that!

A man who has friends must himself be friendly, But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother. Proverbs 18:24.

 

I want a garden of flowers, but the soil of my heart, needs work.

Soil, hard with clay and stone. A barren landscape. Plain. Forlorn. Similar to my heart, quite honestly, at times. Nothing will grow in this, except the weeds of discontent and misery.

But a shovel, some good soil and earth, a bit of sweat and great effort. And seeds of Truth and God’s Holy Word, can be received in the dirt to bring about hope.

The seeds are a promise. There’s now hope of refreshing fruit.

God speaks to His people so they understand difficult things:
“. . . unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, it remains only a single seed.

But if it dies, it produces many seeds,” John 12:24, NIV.

“If it dies, it produces,” produces and multiplies. Life and fruit overcome barrenness.  And life overcomes death, all because a seed fell to the ground and dies.

What can this mean for you and me? Is the soil of my heart open to hear? Or do I carry on without a care?

The mystery is clarified. God’s Word simplifies:

 In the past you were dead because you sinned and fought against God. 

You followed the ways of this world and obeyed the devil. He rules the world, and his spirit has power over everyone who doesn’t obey God.

 Once we were also ruled by the selfish desires of our bodies and minds. We had made God angry, and we were going to be punished like everyone else.

 But God was merciful!

We were dead because of our sins, but God loved us so much that he made us alive with Christ, and God’s wonderful kindness is what saves you.

Openness to the Word softens the heart. Receiving the seed, is death on our part. But God then can work miraculously and bring life out of death. Only God brings life.

God raised us from death to life with Christ Jesus, and he has given us a place beside Christ in heaven. 

 God did this so that in the future world he could show how truly good and kind he is to us because of what Christ Jesus has done. 

You were saved by faith in God, who treats us much better than we deserve. 

This is God’s gift to you, and not anything you have done on your own.

God gives the gift. We simply receive. If our hearts are soft like good soil, and simply Believe.

  It isn’t something you have earned, so there is nothing you can brag about.

 God planned for us to do good things and to live as he has always wanted us to live.

That’s why he sent Christ to make us what we are. Ephesians 2 Contemporary English Version. 

An old hymn comes to mind:

On a hill far away stood an old rugged cross,
  The emblem of suff’ring and shame,
And I love that old cross where the Dearest and Best
  For a world of lost sinners was slain.(1)

Soil worked, seed in the ground, sun and water required, seed then dies, but by miracle it seems, a sprout appears. Hope for fruit right before our eyes.

Promise of a flower, a tomato, or pear. And for me and you, the fruit of the Spirit, more love, more patience, and self-control and gentleness. The ability for faithfulness and joy. Do we desire kindness and peace? Do we have the ability to do good

“. . . unless a kernel of wheat falls to the ground and dies, . . .” 

it remains only a single seed. But if it dies, . . .”

the fruit of love is spread all over.

On the old rugged Cross, stain’d with blood so divine
A wondrous beauty I see
For the dear Lamb of God, left his Glory above
To pardon and sanctify me
So I’ll cherish the old rugged Cross
Till my trophies at last I lay down
I will cling to the old rugged Cross
And exchange it some day for a crown
Like a beautiful garden, is that what we desire to be? Soft hearts, bearing fruit?
Seeking God to help keep out the weeds, until the time He calls us home:
To the old rugged Cross, I will ever be true
Its shame and reproach gladly bear
Then He’ll call me some day to my home far away
Where his glory forever I’ll share

The Old Rugged Cross, George Bennard, 1912

 

Long and overdue, Honor for you, Mom

Mom, this is a letter of honor for you. Yes, long overdue. Oh, there were small moments of honor, but over-all, as a child and even as a young woman, I struggled to be honoring.

If I could have spent more time thinking on the good things and good reports. But my brain was prone to think on the lack, the imperfections, the cracks and nicks. Why did it take me so many years to understand that all this is part of my battle with sin.

I suppose the most relieving part, is, this is everyone’s battle, day in and day out. There is no escaping it, in our own strength. There’s only so far you can go with “the power of positive thinking.”

If I could have actually put in practice, “Do to mother, what you would have her do to you.” I might have, in the process, learned a thing or two about honoring you.

I was not your easy, compliant child. No, I was hard-headed, stubborn, temperamental, and angry. So much so, that being my last name was Born, you would often joke that my middle name was Stub. Toni Stub-Born.

Did I ever say “I’m sorry,” for all my Stub-Born-ness?  Well, “I’m sorry mom.”
I have a few “snapshot” memories. I was six or so, and I needed my tonsils out.

I remember crying and carrying on with loud cries and tears because I DID NOT want to go in some room that seemed to be a community room with lots of kids and parents. No!

I remember being put in a private-type room. And then after surgery, I was surrounded by stuffed animals, a new tooth brush, and tons of attention. Did I think I was a princess?

Yes, I believed I was a princess.

Another snapshot memory is the huge scene I made about “hating” my brand-new, (very fine, I might add), genuine leather sandals you bought for me and presented to me the day and moments before leaving for the Barnum and Bailey Circus, the Greatest Show on Earth.

I made a scene, almost to the point of missing the circus. But I wore the shoes, somehow, (I’m sure with great aggravation and struggle on your part), and forgot all about them after being struck with awe and wonder of the Three Rings, the lights and sparkle, the stilts, the elephants, the horses.

Did I realize that not every child had the opportunity to see the Barnum and Bailey Circus? Did I ever say I’m sorry for carrying on?

I’m sorry mom. And, thanks for taking me to the circus. I still remember it today, along with the leather sandals. I remember really liking them as time went on.

I didn’t have a thankful heart. I didn’t naturally think on the good and wonderful things you did for me. Instead, I was critical and had blaming thoughts.

Mom, I’m truly sorry for all this. Why’d it take 57 years for me to say this? You spent time with me to teach me to sew. And you were the one to introduce me to Calligraphy pens. You spent time with me giving me instruction in how to use them well.

To think Mom, it was you who put the seed in me for Calligraphy. I included a handful of the beautiful script that continually flows from my kids.

Thank you.

What about the music lessons? The painful moments listening to me sing. Then the huge investment in voice lessons. All for me. Mom, thank you for investing in me. Singing, playing instruments, teaching others the joy of playing. This is so much of my life today. All because you and dad invested in me.

Thank you. Thank you.

And the dance lessons at the Glenda Falk Studio. It was like a second home. You and dad flipped the bill. Endless hours dancing giving me the heart to dream for a future of musical comedy.

Thank you Mom.

And remember, after your rare trip to NYC, when you brought home the album for “A Chorus Line.” Forget about it, I had a dream to go to NYC and audition for that show. And I did!

I wasn’t cast, but it’s crazy to actually think of all that now.

You were an example of taking healthy herbs and living in moderation. But there was not a moderate bone in my body. I was a powerhouse of energy and  hard-headedness, smart, opinionated, and, . . . how you must have cringed at all my hidden insecurities.

I will write now, something I’ve never spoken aloud, but I remember at age 6 or 7, when I drank from my first Coke-a-cola, in the small glass bottle. Like a magnet, the sugar had a grip on me.

What’s all that about? It was an impulsive-compulsiveness growing inside of me, (probably from the day I was born, only to learn later, we’re all born with a bent to sin). Well, you watched it. The craziness of an eating disorder throughout my high school years, and sad to say, it wasn’t until I was 20  before I could finally admit I had a serious problem.

I didn’t know how to eat. I would eat anything and think, “I ate too much,” only to then binge and eat the entire box! Or, I would look in the mirror and think, “I’m so fat.” An insanity was growing inside my mind.
But underneath all that eating and binging, exercising and dance class madness, were huge insecurities, negative thoughts, and an internal angry mess.

I was searching spiritually in High-School, and God was watching me.

I remember looking into the huge, vast, Arizona sky, (because there weren’t huge trees to block the view, just a Saguaro Cactus or so), and “talking to God.”

He heard me.

He sent my dance teacher, my Key Club friends, kids from cheer and FCA to be a witness to me. I made some efforts of change trying to get religion. Doing this thing and that, but it was all effort without . . .

. . . my whole heart. I didn’t have a relationship with Jesus, I was inwardly a mess, still the pilot of my ship.

But no-one could tell, it was all hidden inside.

I auditioned for the American Academy Arts. I got accepted and off I went to the big CA! I did fine for a few years, setting goals and moving forward. Musicals, Summer Stock, in my own energy and strength, and outward courage, after my Exam Plays at the California school, I asked to transfer, if accepted to the  American Academy of Dramatic Arts, NY School.

I was able to say, “American Academy of Dramatic Arts NYC, Here I come.”

An Arizona girl in the big NYC. The dream to dance and study voice and act- Yes, I was living a dream!

But mom, as time went on,I couldn’t overcome my eating disorder. It got so much worse.

No one could really tell from the outside. This was a hidden struggle.

 

The insecurities mounted. The anger. The fear. I couldn’t fly home. I had to get it right, right there.

I was reading “Out on a Limb,” by Shirley MacClaine. I sought New Age wisdom, only to be left short of any victory to overcome my compulsive, self-destructive behavior.

My life had become unmanageable.

I needed a Savior. And God found me and He rescued me, in the big NYC. You see, an alcoholic can do a twelve step program and stop drinking, but with eating disorders, you’ve got to learn to eat.

God helped me, to literally, eat. First, through 12 steps, and then continually to learn Who it was that I “made the decision to turn my will and my life over to His care.”

The Bible became my main read!

I was His girl, and He was always with me. He helped me conquer and heal completely my angers, day by day, and my insecurities. I often would think, because this was in that era, of Karen Carpenter, who didn’t get the help in time. That reminded me, this is important.

I gave my life to Jesus, He helped me to finally stand on my own two feet.
Anger was my real issue, and moment by moment, with my mind in His word, my heart seeking His way, and the Spirit leading, He helped me overcome addiction.

He’s still helping me.

So, Mom, I suppose in honoring you today, I write what seems to be a book. A thousand words, plus, but it’s time mom.

And I wanted you to know all this.

And you know, this NYC girl was never going to get married or have kids, (before this change and new relationship with the Lord and allowing Him to pilot my ship).

God had plans unlike mine. He had me meet Mike, and showed me, “This is the one.”

We married and  had a few children, . . . or eleven.

I know, you thought your girl had lost her mind. Yes, quite frankly. But they’re all your grand-kids!

As a mom, I try to do my best, and mom, you did your best too. So I want to say today, I’m sorry for all the grief I caused your heart. And thank you, from the bottom of my heart for your love and your endless support.

I could write so much more, but bottom line, it’s long over-due, mom. “Thank you.”

I hope you are blessed as you watch our kids grow. And I hope your heart swells a bit  knowing you started the Calligraphy trend, many years ago, when you took the time to teach me how to use a Calligraphy pen.

I’m thankful, that even though I moved away from AZ at 18, social media helps us share pictures and moments, and we don’t have to feel so far away.

I love you mom. I honor you, hopefully better everyday.

Your far-away, and (thankfully) a bit less hard-headed and stubborn girl,

Toni

 

 

Holding Fast. A Prayer for Today

“This world, this wilderness, this desert place— where You watch our steps, it’s ruthless and rough, scary and often-times, a disgrace. This world, O Lord, that You ‘so loved.’ You sent Your precious Son that the people might see  with their eyes, and experience Love.

But at each turn, moment by moment, for us, (and 2,000 years ago, for You, Jesus), there’s strife, accusing, and distrust. This world is broken with edges that are sharp. So often, Lord, our hearts are left bleeding all over the place.
You know all about that, and remind us: My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. (1)

Pour out that ‘sufficient grace’, Lord. Give us ears open, for listening. Give our hearts increased understanding:
I am coming quickly; hold fast what you have, so that no one may rob you and deprive you of your crown. Revelation 3:11.

God, these words seem at times, foreign and distant. What do we have? How do we hold fast? Remind me of the crown. What’s the meaning of all this?
The old folks are weary, fighting to persevere. The children are caught in a cultural fast-paced race. Your Book is open. We will be still, and hear:

These are the words of the Holy One, the True One, He Who has the key of David, Who opens and no one shall shut, Who shuts and no one shall open.
Oh, Lord, in awe and reverence, we are listening, with the Book open in Revelation 3:

I know your [record of] works and what you are doing. See! I have set before you a door wide open, which no one is able to shut; I know that you have but little power, and yet you have kept My Word and guarded My message, and have not renounced or denied My name. (2)

But God, You can see that I have not always kept Your Word. Please forgive me. You see my shame. Wash me new, today. Help my eyes acknowledge the work You have done for me:

Bless the Lord, O my soul, and forget not all his benefits, who forgives all your iniquity, who heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit, who crowns you with steadfast love and mercy, Psalm 103. (3)

Yes, I see a door in my mind, open, with Your nail-pierced hands before me. You speak ever gently, Remember Me.
Flooding now in my memory from Your Word: Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me, all the days of my life . . . Psalm 23. (4)

And then a hymn comes cleansing me:

I will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace me in His arms
In the arms of my dear Savior
Oh, there are ten thousand charms (5)
Dear Lord, the Welcome mat to Your house of Love is often an Hymn from so long ago:
Come, ye thirsty, come and welcome
God’s free bounty glorify
True belief and true repentance
Every grace that brings you nigh
Come, ye weary, heavy-laden
Lost and ruined by the fall
If you tarry ’til you’re better
You will never come at all
He who overcomes [the world through believing that Jesus is the Son of God], I will make him a pillar in the temple of My God; he will most certainly never be put out of it, and I will write on him the name of My God, and the name of the city of My God, the new Jerusalem, which descends out of heaven from My God, and My [own] new name. 
 He who has an ear, let him hear and heed what the Spirit says to the churches.’ (6)
Today, as if it were my first. Today, as if it were my last:
I will arise and go to Jesus
He will embrace me in His arms
In the arms of my dear Savior
Oh, there are ten thousand charms (5)

(1) 2 Corinthians 12:9.
(2) Revelation 3:7-8.
(3) Psalm 103:2-4.
(4) Psalm 23:6.
(5) I Will Arise and Go To Jesus/ Joseph Hart/ 1759.
(6) Revelation 3:12,13.

Lord, Give us a Fragrance of Light and Peace

What is our fragrance as we go about our day?

Do we smell of fear and let doubt lead the way?
Like a skunk that’s afraid, pray we are not near.

Or as a pig slopping in a muddy mess, doing only as he pleases, “Dear Lord, save us from the stench of selfishness. May displeasing You, be our greatest dread and fear.”

“Dear Lord, give those who claim to know Your name, a cleansing stream, an emptying. That newness of life and acceptance with joy, peace like a river would splash on us a fragrance of Light.”

Today, a meditation on words penned almost a hundred years ago; Ina D. Ogden, “Speak your exhortation to ears ‘poor in spirit'”:

Do not wait until some deed of greatness you may do,
Do not wait to shed your light afar;
To the many duties ever near you now be true,
Brighten the corner where you are.

Brighten the corner where you are!
Brighten the corner where you are!
Someone far from harbor you may guide across the bar;
Brighten the corner where you are!

What kind of fragrance do we bring in the room? Is it a critical spirit. Thinking we know what’s right? “Dear Lord, reveal to us our failure and sin, that we might ask forgiveness and let Your light shine in us again.”

Perhaps the brokenness and deep hurts will prove to be, a place where we might have a gentle spirit and compassion. Perhaps God will help us have a tender spirit, gracious, gentle, a-c-c-e-p-t-i-n-g.

When pain comes, and darkness, we are tested and tried. Are we going to believe the Good Word only, when things go right?

Oh, to believe that “The LORD is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does,” Psalm 145:17.

Oh, how we are tested during times of loss, to believe:

Just above are clouded skies that you may help to clear,
Let not narrow self your way debar;
Though into one heart alone may fall your song of cheer,
Brighten the corner where you are.

The Lord is my strength and my song;
    he has become my salvation, Psalm 118:14.

This is the phrase I must sing. Let us today, wake up in faith, knowing, that God is with us. Let’s forget about ourselves and allow His light to beam:

Here for all your talent you may surely find a need,
Here reflect the bright and Morning Star;
Even from your humble hand the Bread of Life may feed,
Brighten the corner where you are.

A fragrance of light. A fragrance of peace. The Lord Jesus will take our burdens so today, we are free to sing:
Brighten the corner where you are!
Brighten the corner where you are!
Someone far from harbor you may guide across the bar;
Brighten the corner where you are!

Let us go now, in increased faith, to love and consider others and be a fragrance worth . . . remembering.

A Blind Woman’s Calling was to Help the World to See

A blind woman could see much more than most of us dream. She couldn’t see color, or line, or form, but she had eyes to see the Lord.
Her heart would write scores of words to increase our vision and understanding of the Lord.

Fanny Crosby teaches devotion to God as we open old hymns and speak them and sing.

We weep on earth when loved ones pass, but in the LORD, hope continues on. Saved by Grace, 1891, Fanny’s chorus repeats confident and strong:

And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace; 
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace. 

Who is He that she longs to see. Our hearts long to read on and hear her words because we are born into this broken world, and in the midst of happy moments and and fun and life, there are great hurts. Great losses threaten to shadow all delight.

But God, He’s there. He asks quietly, “Do you believe?”

“Very truly I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they are born of water and the Spirit.  Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the Spirit gives birth to spirit.  You should not be surprised at my saying, ‘You  must be born again.’  The wind blows wherever it pleases. You hear its sound, but you cannot tell where it comes from or where it is going. So it is with everyone born of the Spirit,” John 3:5-9.

With God, at times it seems all mystery. But Fanny writes of her Lord to show us the end before the beginning:

Some day the silver cord will break,
And I no more as now shall sing;
But oh, the joy when I shall wake
Within the palace of the King!

This is hope. What does it all mean? Does God put this hunger in us all that we search for answers that we might see and know?

Some day my earthly house will fall,
I cannot tell how soon ’twill be;
But this I know-—my All in All
Has now a place in heav’n for me.

Can I know? Without a doubt? How can I know that I will see the Lord face to face. How could Fanny write with such confidence of God’s grace?

And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace;
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace.

We are born as a baby, but before our death, is there a birth that must take place? Is this the meaning of this mystery?
A day in our life, either early or late, we must look up to Jesus, God’s Son Whom He has sent. A second birth? It is on that day, we look up and choose to say, “I believe in all You did for me on the cross.”

“Take my sin and all my misery. Empty me that I might be filled with You. Give me new life today. Fill me with Your Spirit now, and for every day.”
Then the chorus Fanny wrote will be our song of hope that we sing with heart’s strong.

Some day, when fades the golden sun
Beneath the rosy-tinted west,
My blessed Lord will say, “Well done!”
And I shall enter into rest.

All because of the grace of God through Jesus.
Fanny wrote, that years later I could remain confident and sing until the very end:

Some day: till then I’ll watch and wait,
My lamp all trimmed and burning bright,
That when my Savior opes the gate,
My soul to Him may take its flight.

Amen, Amen. Fanny would have us speak joyfully her chorus again:
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace;
And I shall see Him face to face,
And tell the story—-Saved by grace.

True Riches: Faith in God through Jesus His Son

Earthly riches we see and often desire. And once acquired, there is almost always, the let down: “Is that all there is?”

But Jesus, who came to be Savior, was also the unparalleled Teacher. He, Wisdom came down and spoke to ears that would hear:

“Do not lay up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moth and rust destroy and where thieves break in and steal,  but lay up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where neither moth nor rust destroys and where thieves do not break in and steal. 
For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also,” Matthew 6:19-21.

The heavenly treasure of faith in God through Jesus His Son is higher and deeper, richer and forever. “Blessed—happy, fortunate, prosperous and enviable—is the man . . . whose delight and desire are . . .

What comes next? What’s this key to happiness? What makes a man “fortunate?”

What is possessed by the man or woman who is “prosperous and enviable?”
The possession of the glorious key to open the closed-door of Peace is faith in God through Jesus His Son.

Lasting. Forever. Promises enduring:

“Therefore, since we have been justified through faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,  through whom we have gained access by faith into this grace in which we now stand. And we boast in the hope of the glory of God,” Romans 5:1,2.

This sounds rich. This rings glorious, but can we understand what it all means?”
“Give us faith. Help us understand the glory of God!” We pray. And . . .
He does.
Having faith to call out to God and pray, the Bible says, is all pleasing:

“And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him,” Hebrews 11:6.

Heavenly riches, heavenly rewards—this is what I desire. You and me alike?
Just as if I have never sinned, my Jesus sees me now. Faith in what He did for me on the cross is the beginning of riches and glory and hope for all eternity for me, and you, and anyone who believes.

The Bible says it. The Bible is truth.

“Every word of God is flawless; he is a shield to those who take refuge in him,” Proverbs 30:5.

Let us sing in our hearts, even in the midst of sorrow and loss, praises to God, because God will build in us a character that counts:

“Faith God, in Your Son who suffered and died. We stand at the foot of the cross and ask for help that we may at this time,

“glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance;  perseverance, character; and character, hope.
 And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us,” Romans 5:3-5.

To the One whose name is “Faithful and True,” (Revelation 19:11), no matter what happens, help us remember time and again, that the greatest of riches is faith and trust in You. Thank You for giving us the key of faith to unlock the door of Peace with each breath we take.

Amen, and Amen. Shall we continually say, “Let it be, and to Your glory. Let it be.

Blessed is the man whose, “delight is in the law of the Lord,
And on His law [His precepts and teachings] he [habitually] meditates day and night.
And he will be like a tree firmly planted [and fed] by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season;
Its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers [and comes to maturity], Psalm 1, Amplified.”

Believing. In God. According to His Word, indeed reaps True riches. Lasting. Forever.

“Led by grace that love to know . . . I am His and He is mine”

“Loved with Everlasting love, led by grace that love to know. . .”
The Hymn by George Robinson, I Am His, and He is Mine, 1876, is especially speaking to my heart as I sit on a couch in 2018, reading the words aloud.

This world seems to coldly whirl by and grab, push, and shove, but this timeless hymn carries me, as if “grace” took my hand out of anxiety and stress, and an impossible mess, to remind me:

I’m Loved with everlasting love,
Led by grace that love to know;
Gracious Spirit from above,
Thou hast taught me it is so!

Oh, this full and perfect peace!
Oh, this transport all divine!
In a love which cannot cease,
I am His, and He is mine.”

How my frame is weak and my heart grows weary, thoughts of doubt and terror flood in, “I can’t do this. I’ll never make it through. There is nothing left for me to do. Temptations to escape and lose this race flood to my view.

But, the Spirit breathing from above, saves me from inner turmoil, time and time again. My Rescuer, my Comforter, my present Help in need, the Spirit of the living God, He does “fall afresh on me.”

This new day, the Spirit says, “Rise,” open the hymnal. Though sitting on my living room couch, I feel as if carried to view the beauties and the healing powers of creation. Increased faith helps to lift my eyes:

“Heav’n above is softer blue,
Earth around is sweeter green;
Something lives in every hue
Christless eyes have never seen;

Birds with gladder songs o’erflow,
Flow’rs with deeper beauties shine,
Since I know, as now I know,
I am His, and He is mine;

Since I know, as now I know,
I am His, and He is mine.”

I pray, “Let me know Lord, even now, that ‘I am His, and He is mine.'”

Scriptures suddenly flood my mind, washing the filth of the faithless world away: Be still and know that I am God. (1)
You will keep in perfect peace those whose minds are steadfast, because they trust in you. (2)
In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever. (3)

Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death,
I will fear no evil;
For You are with me;
Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me. (4)

Hymns and the word build faith like no other. God hears our prayers and leads us to sing. He wants us to remember, . . .
Him:

“Things that once were wild alarms
Cannot now disturb my rest,
Closed in everlasting arms,
Pillowed on His loving breast;


Oh, to lie forever here,
Doubt and care and self resign,
While He whispers in my ear
I am His, and He is mine.”

A prayer:

“Dear Lord Jesus, teach me to number my days.

That I walk, knowing, believing I am a child of the living God.

That I would not walk in a way that seems orphaned and restless.

Today, let me put my hand in Yours, Father, and allow You to lead me.

Trusting with joy that You provide all I need for this moment.

Spirit lead my eyes to “look to the hills.” Give me a new song to sing.

I am Yours Lord, and You are mine, today, tomorrow, for all of time.
Amen, Amen. And, in Jesus’ name, Amen, again and again.

(1) Psalm 46:10
(2) Isaiah 26:3
(3) Psalm 16:11b,
(4) NASBPsalm 23:4,5

In Brokenness, The Lord’s Prayer, a Hymn.

“Our Father in heaven, holy is Your name, . . .” May I come to You with pure motives.

So many times I don’t.

I come for myself. You already know.
May I draw near to seek Your holy face.

But God, our Holy Father, you see when I only seek Your hand of blessing, without a thought to give You praise.

My thoughts aren’t Your thoughts. My ways aren’t like Yours.

May I seek to worship now. Thank You for Your everlasting love. You see my heart, Your know my thoughts, You know . . .

I have failed to stop and remember, of what You’ve already done. You’ve carried the cross up that steep, rugged path. You willingly suffered nails in Your hands.

You loved me first. You love me last. You love beyond the farthest star in the Universe.

I am held in Love’s grasp.

I love You Jesus. I draw near to You. And You draw near because Your name is Faithful and True. Not because of anything about me. You died on the cross.
“Your Kingdom come, Your will be done, . . .” in this heart, right now. Cover me with the blood of Your Son.

You rose from the dead.

May I come to know the power of Your resurrection.

“Give us this day our daily bread. Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.”
“Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us, . . .” from our natural ways.

All to Jesus, I surrender, all to Him I freely give, 
let me do whatever lies before me as if it were for You Lord.
For You Lord, may my work be my praise. May this hymn be my song, all of my days:

All to Jesus I surrender,
All to Him I freely give;
I will ever love and trust Him,
In His presence daily live. 

I surrender all,
  I surrender all.
All to Thee, my blessed Savior,
    I surrender all.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Humbly at His feet I bow,
Worldly pleasures all forsaken;
Take me, Jesus, take me now.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Make me, Savior, wholly Thine;
Let me feel Thy Holy Spirit,
Truly know that Thou art mine.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Lord, I give myself to Thee;
Fill me with Thy love and power,
Let Thy blessing fall on me.

All to Jesus I surrender,
Now I feel the sacred flame.
Oh, the joy of full salvation!
Glory, glory to His name!

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, Colossians 3:23.

May I praise with all that I do, today. In Jesus name, Amen.

He Still Changes Water to Wine


“Read the Bible.” We hear people say.
But even when opened, do the words feel dry on the page?

It’s OK. God must know, because the only thing He gets at times from me at best, is a moan.
But, in the end, I can still say, “Thank You Lord. Thank You Lord, for putting up with me. Oh God, I’m confused and feel alone. Will You help me?”

So, the Word seemed dry, not moving me at all, but my eye caught focus at the bottom of the page of a short Spurgeon poem:

“Lo, Moses scatters plagues of wrath, A ministry of fire and death, But our Immanuel cometh forth, with life and love in every breath.
He turned their water into blood, for vengeance was his dread design: But, thanks to our incarnate God, He turned our water into wine.” (1)

For the law was given by Moses, but grace and truth came by Jesus Christ. John 1:17.

Jesus is unlike all the rest.

Five minutes in devotion to God, with an opening of His word with a few Spurgeon thoughts, I am changed from a whine to hope.

Jesus still changes water to wine.

Water is necessary. Like food and roof over our heads. We have school, or work. We all are under some authority.

We move quickly, we plan out our day, and we grab a water bottle as we go our way.

Water sustains.

The Holy Spirit is likened as water in the Word.  It’s God’s Word that refreshes, the Holy Spirit directs us to be touched by Jesus. He changes us and gives us a song:

And when I think, that God His Son not sparing, sent Him to die, I scarce can take it in. That on the cross, my burden gladly bearing,
He bled and died, to take away my sin. 

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee. How great Thou art. How great Thou art. Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee, How great Thou art,
How great Thou art.

Jesus still changes water into wine. For me, my whine to a song, that I might rejoice and experience His fullness of grace and truth, this day.
Let us celebrate today. We’re simply passing through. Let’s let others know about our eternal home:

When Christ shall come, with shout of acclamation, and take me home, what joy shall fill my heart. Then I shall bow, in humble adoration, and then proclaim, 
“My God how great Thou art!” 

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee. How great Thou art. How great Thou art.
God is love. “Dear Lord give me understanding to know Your Name. Faithful and True, Merciful, Gracious, and Above all names:

“Lo, Moses scatters plagues of wrath, A ministry of fire and death, But our Immanuel cometh forth, with life and love in every breath.
He turned their water into blood, for vengeance was his dread design: But, thanks to our incarnate God, He turned our water into wine.”

Keep me singing dear Jesus, and drawing close to You that You might heal me and help me the entire day through:

Then sings my soul, my Savior God to Thee. How great Thou art! How great Thou art. 

Poem taken from C.H. Spurgeon’s Devotional Bible. Hymn: How Great Thou Art.

Evidence of a Spirit-filled life? Singing? Dear God, fill me that I might sing again

Evidence of a Spirit-filled life?

Singing?

As I open, Then Sings My Soul by Robert J. Morgan, a hymnal-devotion, many a mornings to me, I acknowledge even in the first of the day, after moments to pray, that my song is lost to thorns and rocks hidden within the soil of my heart.

I read the hymn, In My Heart There Rings a Melody, written way back in 1923.  Elton M. Roth penned the words: I have a song that Jesus gave me, It was sent from heav’n above, There never was a sweeter melody, ‘Tis a melody of love. 
In my heart there rings a melody, . . .”

But God can clearly see, this morning, my heart is out of key.
But the Lord won’t give up on me, “O ye of little faith.” His voice rings out over and over again to the disciples throughout His Word, yet with such tenderness and grace. There is none like our Lord.

He knows my heart, which is sad, so many days. Worried, and heavy, “leaning on my own understanding.” He watches me wrestle and strain. The illustration of me, is Romans 7—completely. I confess. My heart is weeping:

I have discovered this principle of life—that when I want to do what is right, I inevitably do what is wrong.  I love God’s law with all my heart.  But there is another power within me that is at war with my mind.

This power makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me. Oh, what a miserable person I am! Who will free me from this life that is dominated by sin and death? (Romans 7:21-24).

Look at all those I’s! Truly, this is not to be ignored.

I thank God for the next words I read. May each word permeate my whole being, and Lord, please give me depth of understanding:

 Thank God! The answer is in Jesus Christ our Lord. So you see how it is: In my mind I really want to obey God’s law, but because of my sinful nature I am a slave to sin. Romans 7:25 ends only to bring me to Romans 8: 

So now there is no condemnation for those who belong to Christ Jesus. And because you belong to him, . . .

Yes, I belong to Him.

the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you, . . .

That’s what I need to be reminded continually. I am like a sheep, forgetting God’s promise of the Spirit in me:
the power of the life-giving Spirit has freed you,  from the power of sin that leads to death. 

 The law of Moses was unable to save us because of the weakness of our sinful nature.
 So God did what the law could not do. He sent his own Son in a body like the bodies we sinners have. And in that body God declared an end to sin’s control over us by giving his Son as a sacrifice for our sins. 

 He did this so that the just requirement of the law would be fully satisfied for us, who no longer follow our sinful nature but instead follow the Spirit.

God declared an end to sin’s control . . .by giving His Son . . . the requirement of the law would be fully satisfied . . .
This, yes, this brings back to me a song!

So I look on again at that age-old hymn, and yes, these are the words of praise I sing:
I love the Christ who died on Calv’ry, For He washed my sins away; He put within my heart a melody, And I know it’s there to stay.

‘Twill be my endless theme in glory, With the angels I will sing; ‘Twill be a song with glorious harmony, When the courts of heaven ring. In my heart there rings a melody, There rings a melody with heaven’s harmony;

In my heart there rings a melody, There rings a melody of love.”

Thanks be to God. He will meet me today and work in my heart to trust in Him more. And lean on His Word, not my own understanding. To get rid of the “I’s” and look to the Lord!

Do we all agree with an Amen? “Amen.”

 

 

New Year, New Directions, New Hopes, Old Foundations

If holiness is the music God hears and a broken heart the sacrifice He honors, let us turn aside our eyes each morning and be moved by the cross.

And each night in the coming year, let us give thanks and worship Him, Who faithfully and patiently watches and keeps, and never fails to zealously love us.

“Transform us Lord, these coming days, as we wholly desire to know You more, and more, and grow in Your grace to trust more fully in Your ways. This is my prayer me, Your Church, Your Bride—and for all who choose to draw near and abide.”
This is the closest thing to a New Year’s resolution.

I remember the first time the Lord put on my heart,

“You’re a worship leader.” It was many, many years ago when my second child was in a baby seat.
I thought I had an image of what a “worship leader” was to be, but God had plans way beyond my imagination.

Through the course of over 30 years, marriage, pregnancy, chronic laryngitis, children, teaching, serving, moving, sickness, and recovery, and the beauty of brokenness, God has shown me,

“Toni, to lead in worship is simple and true. Look to Me. Talk to Me. And Believe Me and My Word, through and through, no matter the rough terrain, the pain;

I wash all the stains.

Look to the cross, and lead others there—children, and hurting, and feeble, and doubting. Talk of Me and pray, I will strengthen and empower.

And I, when I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all people to myself, John 12:32. 

So, to begin a new year with old foundations laid, I set out to frame God’s Word, powerful and true:

Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth, Psalm 46:10.


Jesus. Old words, prayerful songs, I pray I will remember and consider the whole year long.
It seems easy, yet not—to let sound out on these words so sweet. The reality is, . . . these thoughts are difficult to speak,  in truth and honesty.

The Lord God Almighty, Creator of heaven and earth, He knows my heart, He sees. He knows and understands the wrestling.

As a child, I want to open up my voice. Will you join me? Not reluctantly, but the best we can today, faith-fully:

“Open my eyes, Lord. I want to see Jesus. To reach out and touch You, And say that I love You. 
Open my ears, Lord, and help me to listen. Open my eyes, Lord, I want to see Jesus.
To mean these words, with all my heart, soul, and mind, I need help from Him, but I believe. Help me grow to believe more, . . .

In His time.
In His time.
He makes all things beautiful,
In His time.
Lord, please show me everyday,
As You’re teaching me Your way,
That You do just what You say
In Your time.
Lord, our lives to You we bring
May each song we have to sing
Be to You a lovely thing
In Your time.”
I never thought a worship leader could lead with a pen. But I hope and pray that I have put a song on your heart to sing to Him.
“Dear Lord, Open my, (our) ears, open my, (our) eyes, help me, (us) to trust that You will make all things beautiful, in Your time. In Jesus name, I, (we) pray, Amen.”

The Best Gift I Can Give to My Kids

The best gift I can give to my kids, is first and foremost, to remind them, they are His.

The Creator of all the beauty they see. The Father, the Son, The Holy Spirit will continually speak. And when their hearts believe, God is pleased.  Hearts soft and open, have eyes to receive.

Jesus is not only the giver of light and life, He is Light.

Jesus is not only the giver of life, He is Life.

Jesus is not only the giver of bread, He is Bread.

He is LORD. He is above the rest.

So, the best gift I can give my kids today, is to faithfully, and honorably, live and believe all this, but also, . . .

show them moment by moment, with all of my heart, faithful and honorable love for their dad. Yes, I believe the best gift today, that I can give our kids, is love and grace for the dad-of-all-dads.

I want to please God.

He says to me, “love.”

I fail miserably time and time again, but each new day, He says, “My mercies are new. S e e k Me.”
And He watches me fall. He watches me miss. And He forgives me new, as each day, His face I seek.
And He says to me, “Now . . .
do that for others, as they miss the mark too. Offer grace. Offer forgiveness. Be patient and kind. Remember Me, and abide.”

And kids, you watch me, day after day, so easily offer this as I go on my way. But it is hard stuff to do as I walk through our front door. It is hard to honor and offer grace to the very one, that I said to God “I Do, for all of my days.” And for this, daily, I seek His grace.

How I miss the mark and fall flat on the floor.
(Forgive me, Mike.)

Forgive me kids.

I want to do a better job at offering love and all of this.

So I seek the Lord and He fills and supplies. He is our Lord. He is the One we will both lift up our eyes.

So, I will start this all off with the word: Remember.

It is good to look at pictures of beginnings, that we might reminisce. And kids, I sure hope you spend time praying for us both, as we need your prayers that we might faithfully keep our oath.

That we continue to bring glory to our Lord and our King. And that we love each other, day after day, faithfully. Etched on the inside of my wedding ring, you find the name Mike. His, has the name, Toni. We do well thinking on and remembering these things.

I love you kids. I give you a gift. A promise that I will give it my best, day in and day out to faithfully and honorably love your dad.

“Gory to God in the Highest. And on earth, peace and good will to all men.” Amen.

Holidays can bring inside rain. The Remedy?

Holidays. Family plans. Thoughts of giving and sharing—overwhelm. Memories. The good, and the bad—stir up at times, a storm.
Christmas lights and music. Christmas movies and food. Along-side of  family needs, and neighbors’ crisis, and attacks of  the enemy. We are tempted to break down like a blown fuse.

Light vanishes. Darkness makes its move. Feelings and tired nerves leave heavy judgments to dis-prove. Busy-ness and time crunches cloud up our Holiday mood.
Then a song comes from no-where. A song to turn my head. I see the words and I read them. As if, God says, “Think on this, instead:

‘Turn your eyes upon Jesus, look full in His wonderful face. And the things of earth will grow strangely dim, in the light of His glory and grace.'”

Oh, how the Lord loves us. He is a present help in times of need. Father, Son, and Holy Spirit are active and alive. God again and again, saves me, He saves us from life’s oppression.

He saves me from my self. From my doubt. He lifts my head to see. He uses words of old hymns and familiar melody. Somehow, it’s a mystery. God transforms me. O let the hymnal sing:

“O soul are you weary and troubled. No light in the darkness to see. There’s a light for a look at the Savior and life more abundant and free”

“Thro’ death into life everlasting, He passed and we follow Him there. Over us sin no more hath dominion. For more than conquerors we are!”

It’s as if a wave of hope comes upon me. Everything inside begins to breathe. Words and music, and new songs begin to flow. God’s Holy Spirit directs my heart to sing. Time and time again:

“Fall on your knees, O hear, the angel voices, O night divine, O night , when Christ was born. O night divine, O night . . . when Christ was born.”

It is night for so many. It is a time of great dismay. But, Christ is born. Right here, right now! He is come to be our help this day.

“His word shall not fail you, He’s promised.

Believe Him and all will be well.

And go to a world that is dying, His perfect salvation to tell.”

Turn your eyes upon Jesus,. . . 

He’s the lifter of our head. He’s the light, the hope of heaven. He is our Immanuel.

After great storm, a house on a rock stands firm.

Thanksgiving comes, with gatherings and planning. But for many, it’s a time where memories bring pain. Loss has occurred and the year has brought rain. Rains that came down hard, loss that has brought bleeding-heart pain.

An old story comes to mind about a house built on the rock. Who told the story? Why is it coming to mind?  Because the Holy Spirit lives in me, and He cares, and He’s kind. His job is to point me to Jesus, and . . .
remind.

So I looked it up in Google, for a quick concordance: “the story of the man who built his house on the rock.”

And it gave me the passage in Matthew Chapter 7.
The story is told by Jesus, Himself. From the Book that is worthy to pulled daily from the shelf:

 “Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. 

 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house; yet it did not fall,

because it had its foundation on the rock. 

 But everyone who hears these words of mine and does not put them into practice

is like a foolish man who built his house on sand. 

 The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, and it fell with a great crash.” Matthew 7:24-27. 

Now that the rains have hit heavily on “this house,” this old story has richness and  great hope in it’s meaning. But then I think, “what are these words of mine, that Jesus taught? So, hunger is there to read the entire Chapter Seven.

“Do not judge, or you too will be judged.  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.

 “Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother’s eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye?  

How can you say to your brother, ‘Let me take the speck out of your eye,’ when all the time there is a plank in your own eye?  

You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother’s eye.

Jesus’ words spoken so long ago. How they have meaning and instruction for me, today, as I go. Matthew Chapter 7, is building material for us, that we might make the choice. Will it be sand, or the Rock?

All I know, building on the Rock is a daily choice. Not some little decision I made way back when with my strong, confident voice.

So, I read on, carefully, slow and steady, with a new understanding that the choice to build on the Rock is hard and heavy:

“Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.

 “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!

 So in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”

I’m reminded today, of the Golden Rule. I didn’t know that building my house on the Rock includes this!

“Oh God, bless me, that I might hear and not make for myself excuses!”
Jesus speaks on instructing in Chapter Seven, that we might have good understanding of what is a Rock Foundation:

 “Enter through the narrow gate. For wide is the gate and broad is the road that leads to destruction, and many enter through it.  But small is the gate and narrow the road that leads to life, and only a few find it.”

There is more. A rock foundation is important,  Jesus warns:

“Watch out for false prophets. They come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ferocious wolves. 

 By their fruit you will recognize them. Do people pick grapes from thornbushes, or figs from thistles? 

Likewise, every good tree bears good fruit,

but a bad tree bears bad fruit. 

 A good tree cannot bear bad fruit,

and a bad tree cannot bear good fruit. 

 Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire.

Thus, by their fruit you will recognize them.”

We can inspect fruit. Yes, this is not judging, per-se. We may recognize fruit and the lack of it. This is important today.

 “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven,

 but only the one who does the will of my Father who is in heaven. 

 Many will say to me on that day,‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name and in your name drive out demons and in your name perform many miracles?’

  Then I will tell them plainly, ‘I never knew you. Away from me, you evildoers!’

Whoever builds their house on these words will go through rains, and storms and all. But God is a Foundation, steadfast and sure, and He will deliver us through it all. His Word is true. I will pray, and you?

“I need You Jesus. Lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. We trust in your Word. Lord make us ready. Today, tomorrow, every waking day, to not make the choice to build our house on the sand, but to do “hard things,” and hear You, and build our house on the Rock that will stand.”
Amen, and amen.